Wikipedia:Peer review/Amanda Seyfried/archive1

Amanda Seyfried edit

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I'm considering nominating this article for a GA and it would be helpful if other editors could list problems with the article (format, grammar, spelling, etc) so I could bring this article up to GA status. Thanks. Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 22:35, 10 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

No dab links or dead external links, which is very good this early in the article's life.
Add some alt text for the images, in case they don't load or the GA reviewer can't see them.

Done Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 00:48, 12 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

There's some alts now, but they have problems:

The infobox picture needs an alt too; use |alt=your text in the box tag to add it. (I'd prefer a more zoomed-out image of Seyfried there, but it's hard to get free pics so whatever.)
Phrases such as "at a red-carpet event for the premiere of one of her films, Chloe (2009 film)" and "photographers at a red-carpet for a screening of one of her films, Jennifer's Body" are not verifiable by non-experts from seeing the image alone. Focus on the visual elements instead, and let the captions deal with stuff that require references or adjacent text explanation. (Once the infobox gets alt text, simply calling her "Amanda Seyfried" and mentioning differences in her appearance, clothes, and environment will be fine for the later ones.)

See WP:ALT#Portaits and Ashley Tisdale for examples and guidance. (Consider sitting down one day and reading the full guideline to understand alt usage and rationale. :) ) --an odd name 01:26, 12 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I think I've corrected the problem, I've modeled the alt text after Ashley Tisdale's: Display photo ("The face of a young smiling blonde female with blue eyes wearing gold eyeliner."), the first photo in '2006-present' section ("A young blonde female in a black short sleeve dress looking over her right shoulder smiling. ") and the second photo in the same section ("A young blonde female wearing her hair in a pony-tail and a silver low-cut dress waving and smiling."). Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 07:25, 12 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Ref 8, "Prior to appearing in Mean Girls, Seyfried hadn't been in any theatrical films; thus making Mean Girls her feature film debut.", is a non-source note. Try to find a source that actually says this. You can separate notes from references, then cite them with nested reference tags.

I fixed some tense, grammar, and formatting issues. Look for similar ones to make other copyeditors' lives easier. Good luck. --an odd name 08:59, 11 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for all of your help and contributions to/for the article. Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 00:48, 12 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

If there are anymore problems with the page please let me know, if not I'm going to close the peer review so I can nominate the article for a GA. Thanks. Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 23:35, 12 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I would suggest leaving it open as long as possible, so that sharper eyes who haven't found more problems (and there will be more problems) get their chance. I only checked for and fixed a small set of issues. You should consider finding a copyeditor even after the review, especially before going to FA (but ideally even before GA so that it can sail through). There is no deadline for Wikipedia, or for its articles' quality, so prepare as much as possible. (See also debugging.)

You should only close if there's a flood of other edits that's keeping the article unstable. In that case, keep it far from the GAN list (see criterion 5). --an odd name 00:36, 13 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Besides, there's more glaring problems:

There might be too many dashes, like in the ref title "Mean Girls (2004) –" and "Seyfried plays Sarah – Bill and Barb's first daughter who is struggling with her father's polygamous faith". (I changed them from spaced hyphens using a script.) Try commas or other ways once in a while.

Done I removed multiple ";" and "–" and changed them to comas and separated the sentences.

CHANGE ALL CAPS REF TITLES LIKE "THE 100 MOST BEAUTIFUL FACES OF 2008" TO "START CASE" TO AVOID SCREAMING AT READERS AND SCARING THEM AWAY LIKE I AM DOING RIGHT NOW.

Done Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 01:37, 13 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

"Her musical performance in Mamma Mia! is available on the film's soundtrack~~, entitled Mamma Mia! The Movie Soundtrack~~; she recorded ~~a total of~~ five songs that appeared on the soundtrack." can become "Her musical performance in Mamma Mia! is available on the film's soundtrack, for which she recorded five songs." There's lots of overlong sentences; look for redundancies and trim them throughout the article.

Done I also fixed multiple redundancies throughout the article, if I missed any please let me know. Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 02:50, 13 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

- Before my last few edits, that part said "Also in 2008, Seyfried co-starred alongside Meryl Streep, as Sophie Sheridan, in the romantic comedy film that's a film adaptation of the 1999 West End musical of the same name, Mamma Mia!.[2] In the film, Seyfried portrays Sophie, who is Donna's daughter and Sky's fiancée"—repetition is a problem.

Done Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 01:44, 13 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

"Seyfried was set to co-star alongside Vannessa Hudgens and Jena Malone; though, within the same month, she had to drop out of the film due to scheduling conflicts with Big Love;[22][1] Emily Browning was later cast in the role."—awkward and overlong sentences like this should be split and fixed.

Done I removed the ";" between "with Big Love;[22][1] Emily Browning was later cast in the role." and made it into two separate sentences. Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 01:42, 13 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

"Despite not receiving the role she had originally auditioned for, she won the role of title character's murdered best friend Lilly Kane.[4] Despite her character only ..."—there's a missing "the" before "title character", and overuse of "Despite".

Done Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 01:37, 13 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Now that I noticed those, I urge you to keep the review going, and to seek a full copyedit from a PR volunteer or the Guild before GAN. I worry this doesn't even meet GA point 1(a). The GA criteria are looser, but still exist. --an odd name 01:15, 13 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I've corrected all the problems you've listed above, if there are anymore please let me know, thanks. Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 07:22, 17 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]