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Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Tunnel Vision (song)/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by Ian Rose (talk) 12:15, 11 June 2014 (diff).

Tunnel Vision (song)

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Nominator(s): — Tomíca(T2ME) 15:00, 21 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]

This article is about... a song recorded by American singer-songwriter Justin Timberlake which is called "Tunnel Vision". It was released as third single from his third studio album The 20/20 Experience. I believe this article deserves to be a featured one because I have worked hard on it since the day I created it and was released. Many thanks to other reviewers who helped me while building it. Cheers! — Tomíca(T2ME) 15:00, 21 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from WikiRedactor

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  • The thing with that one is that it needs password for access, meaning it can't be fixed.
  • The "Critical reception" and "Commercial performance" sections are fairly short by comparison with other sections in the article; I would suggest maybe merging them into one "Reception" section with the option of subheadings for "Critical response" and "Commercial performance" if desired.
  • Done
  • In the "Music video" section, I would suggest grouping "Conception and fashion" into one subheading and "Critical reception and ban" into another; to me, it seems that the clothing connects more with the overall vision of the clip, while discussing the ban fits well with the extensive critical commentary surrounding the nudity.
  • Done
  • Can you find a source the the radio edit track length?
  • The source is in the iTunes and 7digital release references already.
  • Generally in "Release history" sections, I place citations under a separate column, although this is just a matter of personal taste if you're interested in that option.
  • The template for Ref. #76 (iTunes Store) appears to be broken.
  • It perfectly opens for me :/.

The article was already in great shape when I reviewed the article for GAN last year, and I'm happy to see that it has only gotten better from there! There is minimal and appropriate usage of non-free content where needed, and the article is supported by numerous reputable sources. After the above comments are addressed, I will be happy to give my support to the nomination! WikiRedactor (talk) 20:26, 22 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from XXSNUGGUMSXX

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Oppose for the following reasons:

General notes:

  1. The article seems to be inconsistent with use of publishers. Either use them for all known or none.
  2. You never need to use the same ref more than once in a row within a paragraph per WP:OVERCITE.
  3. When using different articles from the same source, just link the work and publication in the first ref used, and not the rest.
  4. Avoid contractions unless part of a quote or title (something I fixed myself)
  5. ′ should be ' and ″ should be " per MOS:QUOTEMARKS (something I fixed myself)
  • I believe this is all DONE. ;)

As for other bits.....

  • "Timothy "Timbaland" Mosely, Jerome "J-Roc" Harmon" → "Timbaland, J-Roc".
  • Not done per the official booklet of the album, they are credited as Timothy Mosley and Jerome Harome respectively for writing and Timbaland and J-Roc for producing, thus this option is the best.
  • I should've been more specific- in the "writers" section of infobox the real names are fine, but in the lead and body it's better to use the WP:COMMONNAME and in this case is more concise. XXSNUGGUMSXX (talk) 17:19, 25 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • Done (only in the lead though).
  • Please also correct the redirects to J-Roc.
  • Done
  • "Timbaland's signature ad-libs"..... I wouldn't include "signature" here as not everyone reading this article is automatically going to know what Timbaland's previous material is like.
  • Done/Removed
  • The Huffington Post shouldn't be italicized as it is an online-only publication. Publisher is Arianna Huffington. However, I recommend replacing these refs with better sources if possible.
  • Sorry, it's not possible since all of them are reviews, and I strongly believe in the reliability of this source. Also the title of the article on Wiki is italicized, so I think we should respect it's policy.
  • Done.
  • Per WP:ALBUM/SOURCES, user reviews from Sputnikmusic shouldn't be used. Unless I'm reading things wrong, this seems to be a user review.
  • I removed the publishers
  • Done
  • MTV Buzzworthy → MTV News
  • Not done, the publication is not the same
  • E! News and E! Online should just read E!, and publisher is NBCUniversal
  • Done
  • The Robin Thicke picture isn't really needed. Try instead having someone who was in the music video (not counting Mr. Timberlake himself)
  • Oh yeah his picture is relevant, he gave a response to the video also it was very heavily compared to his video so his picture can stay. Also there is a screenshot of the video upwards.
  • I've noticed the screenshot, though was referring to other people who star in the vid if identities were known. You've got a point on Thicke's commentary, though- there was controversy between the videos for this and the one for "Blurred Lines" XXSNUGGUMSXX (talk) 17:19, 25 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • Ooops, my mistake
  • I'm skeptical about using New York Daily News
  • Why questioning a totally reliable source?
  • Daily Mirror needs to be replaced with a better source
  • Done, replaced it
  • "Entertainment Wise" should really read "Entertainmentwise", and I've recently found out this actually isn't a good source.
  • Removed it
  • MTV UK → MTV
  • Again, different regional version
  • (2013—14) → (2013–14) per WP:DASH
  • Done

There's my 2 ¢. You'll have my support after fixing them all up. XXSNUGGUMSXX (talk) 00:58, 25 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Petergriffin9901

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  • Oppose

Reference formatting

Reference credibility

Prose/factuality/trivial content

  • Timberlake isn't a singer-songwriter. Maybe you mean singer and singwriter
  • his third studio album The 20/20 Experience (2013). -> his third studio album, The 20/20 Experience (2013).
  • Timberlake proclaims that he has a tunnel vision for his love interest and uses several voyeuristic references.
  • most of whom praised Timbaland's production and compared it to his work with singer Aaliyah. -> I see one critic making such a comparison
  • its album's highlight. After the album's release -> repetitive prose
  • The song debuted on the singles chart in South Korea at number 27 and sold 6,670 digital copies. -> In its first week or to date?
  • It was most successful on the UK R&B Singles Chart where it peaked at number eight. -> I see it peaked at #2 in Indonesia?
  • Timberlake and Timbaland stare at three nude women and perform choreographed dances. -> Weak prose
  • Critics labeled the video as NSFW and drew strong comparisons to the visual for Robin Thicke's 2013 single "Blurred Lines". -> Total switch in tense/not proper sentence
  • was shortly reinstated with the condition that viewers are required to confirm their age. -> awkward/improper tense shifts
  • Other instrumentalists on the song were Harmon, -> Is he no longer featured on the song?
  • How is instrumentation vintage?
  • The instrumentation, produced by Timbaland, is vintage and features "fizzing" beats assisted by the producer's ad-libs, vocal record-scratches, heavy drums, "syncopated backbone amidst frenetically shifting bass melodies", wide-ranging orchestrations and "vacuous" synths that all connect into "fuzzed out boom-bap" -> run-on - weak/improper incorporation of quotes
  • "Tunnel Vision" features "thrilling" evolution on both, the detailed production and the arrangement which falls exactly at right time with Timberlake's vocals. -> awkward
  • The unusual and sharp changes that the song features enjoin the track together as it ebbs and veers through its running. -> extremely vague and confusing
  • Due to its similarity, "Tunnel Vision" borrows the "dark alley" rhythm of the third track on the album "Don't Hold the Wall"; on the song, Timberlake sings in his lower register which spreads out an "exciting" upward arpeggio. -> Due to what similarity? This sentence reads very awkwardly
  • Simultaneously, Timbaland uses Timberlake's voice as a "flexible instrument to enhance his tech savvy soundscape" -> Your usage of quotes is very random and out of place, often making the review difficult to understand
  • as he constructs "layers of production elements into towers of sonic force." -> more of the same. I suggest paraphrasing (it's becoming tiresome to read) or being more precise with your execution.
  • Lauren Martin of Fact regarded the song as a start to Timbaland's "Bollywood influenced 'Indian Flute' era" and a teasing element that features Timberlake's voice redistributed with wider range and suspense -> very choppy/no flow. We also have that tense shift again..
  • In a review of The 20/20 Experience, Jean Bentley of The Hollywood Reporter called both "Tunnel Vision" and "Strawberry Bubblegum" the album's "electro-tinged jams". -> Seems misplaced. Nothing critical in this sentence at all, just a short description on its production
  • Clyde Erwin Barretto of Prefix Magazine praised the production, which he felt can excite listeners. -> praised, excite
  • Spin magazine's Jordan Sargent wrote that with the song, Timbaland proves that he can still produce otherworldly beats. -> Not really what he says in the review
  • The Guardian source redirects to the homepage
  • Jordan Sargent of Spin said that the set pieces in which projections of Timberlake interact with the nude dancers represent "a fractured dynamic that mirrors 'Tunnel Vision' itself". -> confusing. What set pieces? In which projections of T interact? You mean 'projected onto their bodies'
  • wrote that Timberlake drew on Thicke's video. -> awkward
  • a "great" song with a video that objectifies women, who according to her enjoy dancing naked to the song's lyrics. -> The latter part doesn't fit at all
  • In a review of the video, Rachel Maresca of New York Daily News wrote that Timberlake blurred some of the explicit lyrics of the song in its music video. -> doesn't really make sense
  • Clash's Robin Murray noted that pop music has lacked raunchiness and sex appeal for a while so that's why according to him the return of Timberlake was needed, "Lavish, lush and 21st century in a direct, shocking fashion, the video finds Justin Timberlake on perfect preening form." -> poor prose. 'That's why according to him the return of T was needed'?
  • In a review of the concert, John Balfe of entertainment.ie wrote that, "Even the album's more well-known songs like 'Tunnel Vision', 'Mirrors' and 'Suit & Tie' don't yet have the same weight in the setlist as some of JT's more established hits and it was songs like 'SexyBack' that really got the 40,000 strong crowd to move." -> trivial/fluff. Says nothing on the actual song
  • The list goes on. The article needs more work in terms of its execution. I find much of your paraphrasing to be questionable, and your quotes to be heavy-handed and misplaced.--PeterGriffin • Talk2Me 17:32, 26 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Closing comment -- I'm afraid that with no activity for a couple of weeks and many comments yet to be addressed, it's time to archive this. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 12:13, 11 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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