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Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/The Wizarding World of Harry Potter/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by Dabomb87 23:24, 3 September 2010 [1].

The Wizarding World of Harry Potter

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The Wizarding World of Harry Potter (edit | talk | history | protect | delete | links | watch | logs | views)

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Nominator(s): Themeparkgc  Talk  06:41, 3 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I am nominating this for featured article because I feel it meets the FA criteria. I have worked on this article to reach it to GA status. Most recently I requested a peer review which resulted in a variety of recommendations that I have incorporated. Themeparkgc  Talk  06:41, 3 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose: There are grievous grammatical errors and riotous rhetorical disasters in each of the first three sentences of this article. Please archive expeditiously.—DCGeist (talk) 07:30, 3 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose, suggest withdrawal - this article is not ready for Featured status. A quick scan reveals immediate problems with structure, spelling and prose, such as:

  • "After the closure of Harry Potter Movie Magic Experience in Australia, the rumours returned." - no rumours have yet been mentioned.
  • "Appraisal by both Harry Potter fans and general guests alike of the attention to detail and the immersion that the land provides." - not a complete sentence.
  • "This popularity has lead to long queues ..." basic attention to spelling.

PL290 (talk) 08:41, 3 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comment: I peer-reviewed this a couple of weeks ago; my comments are found here. In my review I refer to "the major overhaul and expansion that the article requires if it is to be considered as a FA candidate". There has been some expansion, and an effort has been made to tackle the specific sample issues I raised, but the extent of the work required to bring the article to FA standard has perhaps been underestimated. The prose is ragged in places, as noted above, and needs the eyes of an uninvolved editor. The existence of so many citations in the lead indicates that this section is not doing its proper job of summarising the main article content, per WP:LEAD – the citations should be in the article itself. The article has undoubtedly improved since I last saw it, but it still needs a lot of work, including an independent copyedit. Brianboulton (talk) 09:10, 3 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • Oppose. Redlink image? large, unnecessary non-free file lacking a rationale? Random bold text? This needs serious work, there's a lot wrong at the moment. A lot of the sources are very questionable. Harry Potter fansites? YouTube videos? Excessive use of primary sources? Loads of theme park websites of questionable reliability? Formatting on references is also poor... 1, 2, 30, 40 and 42 for example. This needs a lot of work before it is ready for FAC. J Milburn (talk) 09:12, 3 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Please end the pain: Several edits have been made to the lede. The first sentence is now acceptable. The rest is a minefield.

  • Second sentence: "The area is one of seven themed areas within the park." Not fluent English. Try "It is one of..."
  • Third sentence: "The concept of a Harry Potter theme park attraction first occurred within Universal in late 1990s or early 2000s." Not fluent English. People have concepts. Concepts occur to people. Concepts may be raised within organizations. Concepts do not occur within organizations.
  • Third sentence (again): "The concept of a Harry Potter theme park attraction first occurred within Universal in late 1990s or early 2000s." Basic grammatical failure. "In the late 1990s".
  • Fourth sentence: "Upon approaching the author of the books, J.K. Rowling, Universal discovered AOL Time Warner owned the rights to the franchise." Failed narrative. What "books", pray tell?
  • Fourth sentence (again): "Upon approaching the author of the books, J.K. Rowling, Universal discovered AOL Time Warner owned the rights to the franchise." False sourcing. Two inline citations follow this sentence. Neither source mentions AOL Time Warner.—DCGeist (talk) 10:34, 3 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Suggest withdrawing and finding more reliable sources for the information. Ealdgyth - Talk 13:08, 3 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Oppose - Under-referenced and full of grammatical errors. I'd give more detail, but I feel it would be pointless; this article needs serious work. I agree the article should be withdrawn. Tom (talk) 22:48, 3 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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