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Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Percheron/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by Ian Rose 12:07, 27 May 2012 [1].

Percheron

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Percheron (edit | talk | history | protect | delete | links | watch | logs | views)

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Nominator(s): Dana boomer (talk) 14:36, 6 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Another draft horse article, this time of a French breed that is also very popular in the US. This article is currently a GA and just went through a PR, where it was kindly reviewed by User:Brianboulton. A French editor, User:Tsaag Valren, was also extremely helpful in assisting me with finding some French sources to round out the article's comprehensiveness. Please note that although link checker says that one link from the Australian registry is dead, I just checked it and it worked fine :) This is a WikiCup nomination. Dana boomer (talk) 14:36, 6 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments. As always, feel free to revert my copyediting. Please check the edit summaries. - Dank (push to talk)

  • "although the American registry": That's 3 althoughs in quick succession; change it up a little.
  • Rewrote a few things to remove the first two "although"s. - DB
  • "The war took its toll on the Percheron breed as horses, fodder and handlers were requisitioned for the fighting, and ...": Just a note that I inserted a serial comma here so that this can't be read "The war took its toll on the Percheron breed as horses; fodder and handlers were requisitioned for the fighting; and ...". Even in cases where the readers can back up and correct their misunderstanding, good copyediting is meant to stop readers from having to back up and start over. There are fewer commas today generally, especially in the breathless modern style of journalism and ad-copy ... but if you prefer to avoid serial commas, that means everyone has to double-check that the sentences can't be misread without them, so it's a little more work for everyone.
  • Looks good. - DB
  • I see at least one em-dash, and at least one en-dash used in the same sense ... we (that's the "royal we") prefer consistency.
  • I think that I have standardized the dashes...please let me know if I missed anything. - DB
  • "Andalusian/Percheron cross": Dana, you'll know better than I do ... is this a WP:SLASH problem?
  • I think it might fall under the "where a slash occurs in a phrase widely used outside Wikipedia" clause, because this is often how crossbreed designations are made in equine literature, but I have also seen it worded a different way to not use the slash. Because of this, I have changed it to removed the slash. - DB
  • "whose appearances have included multiple showings": I left it alone in case "showings" has a sense I don't understand. Tighter would probably be "boasting multiple appearances".
  • Tweaked (used a variation on your wording). - DB

Source review - spotchecks not done. Nikkimaria (talk) 20:55, 7 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • FN5 and 32: missing some accents on publisher name
  • You've got some reference redundancy, in "Thèse d'exercice thesis" and "Edition ed."
  • The thesis one is a product of the template. Do you have any suggestions to avoid this?
  • Audiot: suggest translating edition number
  • I had my info in the wrong places. Should be fixed now.
  • Hello, I don't really understand how FA nomination works here, I've work on fr:Percheron and tryed to translate here, Dana Boomer have passed into good english. there's only one french academic work about this breed : Leboucq, Christophe (2002) (in French). Origine et avenir du cheval de trait Percheron (Thèse d'exercice thesis). École Nationale Vétérinaire de Toulouse , it would be a good thing to add it among the references --Tsaag Valren (talk) 08:49, 8 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Hi Tsaag! I do have Leboucq's thesis referenced for one thing (Ref #30). All of the works listed in the references section are the books that I (we!) used to write the article, and I didn't think a thesis qualified. Is it published in book form? Again, thank you so much for your help in getting the French source material in here - definitely could not have done it without your help! Dana boomer (talk) 12:18, 8 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Support: I carried out a detailed peer review, and the concerns that I raised there were properly addressed. I have no further issues to raise; my support is subject only to a successful images review. Brianboulton (talk) 22:38, 9 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you very much, Brian! Your comments (and support) are much appreciated. Dana boomer (talk) 23:21, 9 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments – Some nit-picky things, mostly overlinking-related.

  • Five hand links in Characteristics is quite excessive, I think.
  • History: A repeat trot link appears toward the end of this section.
  • In the United States and Great Britain: Another repeat link here, this time foal.
  • Uses: There's a horse meat link here, when there was already one in the previous section; that makes this link a touch redundant.
  • Minor, but ref 13 could use a space between the pp. and numbers, for consistency with the other similar book cites. Giants2008 (Talk) 02:30, 11 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks, Giants! I believe I have addressed all of your comments. Please let me know if there is anything else you would like to see done. Dana boomer (talk) 00:50, 12 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Comments from Crisco 1492
  • Image review:
File:Percheron3.jpg looks fine, although it's not of especially high technical quality.
File:Haras in Saint-Lô , Normandië, France.jpg is fine.
File:Rosa Bonheur - La foire du cheval.jpg is fine, PD-100
File:Percheron, draw2.JPG - Needs proof that it's PD in US. Simplest would be to use {{PD-Art}}. Fine now
File:Percheron cluny102.jpg looks okay.
File:Percherons APD Mounted officers.jpg is fine
Just one little issue.  — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:30, 11 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I've added the additional tag to the Percheron, draw2 image. Just as a note, though, the PD-Art template is different on en.wp and Commons - it's a duplicate of the PD-Old tag on Commons, while it's a US-specific tag on en.wp. (Or at least this was what happened when I tried to add that tag on Commons, so I found the correct version over there, I think!) Dana boomer (talk) 00:55, 12 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • The T template mustn't work for templates with sub-templates. I meant {{PD-Art|PD-100}}

Resolved comments from Crisco 1492 moved to talk page

Support, noting that I am a lay person when it comes to horses and thus cannot judge comprehensiveness as much as an enthusiast. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:26, 14 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]
In the Characteristics section - looks a little odd that "at the withers" is mentioned after the second range of hand measurements not the first....

Other than that, tentative support on prose and comprehensiveness. Not seeing any clangers prosewise. I'll sleep on this though. Casliber (talk · contribs) 13:17, 13 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks, Cas! I've removed "at the withers" altogether - that's how horses are always measured, so it's nothing special. Don't really know how it got in there in the first place :) Dana boomer (talk) 14:45, 14 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Note -- Hi again Dana, this all looks fairly unproblematic from a delegate's perspective. I think Casliber's had long enough to sleep on this... ;-) Just one thing from me -- in the lead you have:

After a series of name and studbook ownership changes, the current US Percheron registry was created in 1934. In World War I, the breed was used extensively by the British. In the 1930s, Percherons accounted for 70 percent of the draft horse population in the United States, but their numbers declined substantially after World War II.

This jars a bit to me because you go from the US in 1934, to the Brits in WWI (1914-18), then back to the US in the 1930s (and after). Is there a reason I'm missing for not putting the British/WWI bit at the top of the para for chronology's (and geography's) sake? Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 17:01, 26 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks, Ian! I've rejigged this spot a bit, and did a bit of expansion while I was there. Dana boomer (talk) 11:29, 27 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Looks good to me, tks Dana. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk)


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