Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Laurie Nash/archive1

The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by Laser brain 04:55, 6 March 2011 [1].

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Laurie Nash

Nominator(s): Roisterer (talk) 07:54, 19 February 2011 (UTC)

I am nominating this for featured article because I believe it meets all the criteria for Feature Article status. Laurie Nash was a Test cricketer and leading Australian rules footballers of the 1930s and 40s. The article went through Peer Review in May last year and I believe I have dealt with all the issues raised in that. This is my first attempt at FAC, so hopefully I've got everything right. Roisterer (talk) 07:54, 19 February 2011 (UTC)

Sources comments: This looks pretty good. If I can find the time to give it a full review I will. Meantime, here are some mainly minor comments on sources:- *Ref 1: suggest extend this to "Miller, Keith in Introduction [or Foreword, or whatever], Wallish, p. iv"

• Ref 4: I imagine that this site is published by Carlton Football Club, and they rather than the web address should be shown as the publisher.

The site is run by Carlton fans so I'm unsure what to do here.

• Ref 20: I'd like a bit more information. Who is "R Smith"? Is this a page from a larger website? If so, how do I get to the home page?

*Ref 28: Ric Findlay is the author, not the publisher, which is "Centre for Tasmanian Historical Studies" *Citations to newspapers should be in a single standard format. At present the formats for ref 37 and 38 are different from those for 42 and 43. There are several similar instances.

I think I have finally got all these citations in the same format.

*Ref 61: I don't think this explanation is required, if you are reflecting the source.

• Ref 106: Bradman Albums need to be listed with other books in References, and a page number added

*Ref 131: Publisher needed *Ref 196 needs a page reference. This should be a short citation since the book details are listed under References*No citations to Cousins (2008); should be listed separately as Further reading (or omitted)

Good spot. I had "Collins" listed for some reason.

*Dito Williams (1986)

Hmm, I had a Williams citation; it must have been removed at some point.

Otherwise sources and citations look good. Incidentally, you say the article was peer-reviewed last May; I can't find the link to the archive of this review on the talk page. Brianboulton (talk) 15:05, 19 February 2011 (UTC)

• Peer review link is at Wikipedia:Peer review/Laurie Nash/archive1. It's linked from the talk page under the article milestones bit. Jenks24 (talk) 15:56, 19 February 2011 (UTC)

  Thanks, I should have spotted that. Brianboulton (talk) 21:25, 19 February 2011 (UTC)

Thanks Brian, I'll get onto these. --Roisterer (talk) 03:01, 20 February 2011 (UTC)

Comments – Various small nit-picks from the first half or so of the article... *Why two Test cricket links in the first two paragraphs?

• Tasmania: Typo in "Nash was chosen in the Northern Tasmania side in he annual match...".
• Test debut: "The match was the first to finish in under six hours play." "hours" → "hours'"?
• Bodyline: "English newspaper the News Chronicle stating that the emergence of Nash...". "stating" should be "stated".
• Redundant use of "bowling" in "In the wake of England's tactics of bowling sustained fast short pitched bowling...".
• You don't have to have a Jack Fingleton link here when there's already one in the prior section.
• 1933: Don't think Centre should be capitalized in the second paragraph of the section.
• 1935: "as, in addition to playing at centre half-back and centre half-forward, also successfully played in the ruck." Add "he" before "also". I don't know why "also" is necessary, but that's a different issue.
• If I was to offer one general suggestion, it would be to combine some of the many one-sentence paragraphs in the article, as they can look stubby when compared to some of the longer paragraphs. Giants2008 (27 and counting) 00:41, 22 February 2011 (UTC)

Thanks for the feedback. I'm working on it. --Roisterer (talk) 12:10, 22 February 2011 (UTC)

Disambig/External Link check - No dabs or dead external links. A few external redirect which may lead to link rot; see them with the tool in the upper right of this page. --PresN 01:06, 23 February 2011 (UTC)

Images

• File:RNashColl.jpg appears to be a drawing, not a photo. The Australia PD tag bases status of artistic works on author's date of death, not publication date. Same concern for the cartoons with this tag
• What is the copyright status of signatures in Australia? File:Laurie_Nash_signature.jpg may have the wrong tag, but COM:SIG doesn't include Australia
• The Australia PD tag requires that you "provide information of where the image was first published and who created it." - make sure you do so for all images with this tag
• File:JackDyer.jpg needs a date of publication/creation, and the source link no longer works. Nikkimaria (talk) 16:42, 24 February 2011 (UTC)

Oppose for the moment. In general I like this article, but the prose is not yet up to FA standard. I have only looked in detail at the lead and Early life sections, and have found numerous problems. The rest of the text needs to be gone through carefully, so that similar issues can be picked up and corrected.

• Lead
  • In the first paragraph: "Additionally, a fast bowler and hard hitting lower order batsman, ..." "Additionally" is not a good conjunction with which to link his football and cricket prowess, and the comma is awkward. Suggest reword: "In cricket, Nash was a fast bowler and hard hitting lower order batsman who played two Test matches for Australia. He took..." etc
  • The last part of the first paragraph is overcomplicated. I realise that you are trying to inform non-cricket-minded readers, but perhaps this is spoonfeeding? I would say: "In these matches he took 10 wickets at 12.80 runs per wicket, and scored 30 runs for an innings average of 15."
  • Do we know when Nash Sr played against the MCC tourists? As written, it sounds as there was only one such team, when of course there were many.
  • "...a cricketer, becoming..." is an example of what is known as "noun plus -ing", and should be avoided. Try "...a cricketer, and became both one of..." etc
  • Third paragraph: "and played only two Tests". As this information has been given already, this phrase could be deleted.
  • Fourth paragraph should not commence with "He..."
  • "...rejecting offers of a home posting, stating..." Too many -ing endings in quick succession, needs rephrasing. And "differently from" not "differently than"
  • Delete comma after "publican"
• Early life
  • Too many short paragraphs (five of which begin "Nash" or "Nash's") Some redrafting necessary to improve the prose flow.
  • Second para: the first sentence is of inordinate length and needs breaking up.
  • "Sir Walter Nash and pianist Eileen Joyce were relatives". Of each other, or "related to the family"?
  • "forbid" as past tense? We would normally say "forbade" - is this an Australian English thing?
  • What is the relevance of the last paragraph to this article?

Brianboulton (talk) 15:50, 25 February 2011 (UTC)

Note: Please do not "strike" my comments as you respond to them. Brief notes of your actions will do. Brianboulton (talk) 23:53, 26 February 2011 (UTC)

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.