Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Hue chemical attacks/archive1

The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 19:39, 4 April 2009 [1].

---

Hue chemical attacks

Nominator(s): YellowMonkey (click here to vote for world cycling's #1 model!)

Article has passed a GA and a MILHIST A-class review... YellowMonkey (click here to vote for world cycling's #1 model!) 00:49, 18 March 2009 (UTC)

• Tech. Review

• Dabs and external links (based on their links checker tools in the toolbox are up to speed), as is the ref formatting (based on the WP:REFTOOLS script)--Best, ₮RUCӨ 23:02, 18 March 2009 (UTC)

• Comments - sources look okay, links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 12:05, 19 March 2009 (UTC)

• Media Review - All images (2) are licensed under either a Creative Commons license or are in public domain. NuclearWarfare _(Talk) 01:35, 20 March 2009 (UTC)

Comments by Sasata

Very interesting article on something I knew nothing about. Would like to support, after the comments below are addressed. Sasata (talk) 09:20, 25 March 2009 (UTC)

• "...while protesting a ban against the Buddhist flag on Vesak." -> against the use of the Buddhist flag (or something similar)

• "...while protesting against a ban on the flying of the Buddhist flag on Vesak." how about "... while protesting a ban that prevented them from flying the Buddhist flag on Vesak." Sasata (talk) 09:17, 26 March 2009 (UTC)

Chenged. and defiance is more approriate, they ignored the ban, YellowMonkey (cricket calendar poll!) 00:33, 27 March 2009 (UTC)

*vaporise spelled differently in lead and infobox

*I think the lead needs to be lengthened a little bit, perhaps one more sentence about how the whole affair culminated in the assassination of the President? That would certainly encourage the average reader to continue reading the article!

• Suggest putting the first sentence in the Background section a couple of sentences later

• The reason for this suggestion is that the first sentence in this section states that Ngo's policies created claims of religious bias; however, it has not yet been explained what these policies were, so the reader does not yet have any background context for interpreting the statement. To me, the paragraph would flow better if this statement was saved for after the explanation of Ngo's pro-Catholic policies. Sasata (talk) 09:17, 26 March 2009 (UTC)

Normally I think the summary should go first, which is why it's there. YellowMonkey (cricket calendar poll!) 00:33, 27 March 2009 (UTC)

*Wikilink or define pagoda

*"Furthermore, the land owned by the Catholic Church was exempt from land reform." Please clarify what is meant by land reform.

• "In May 1963, a rarely enforced 1958 law known as Decree Number 10 was invoked..." Can you provide a more specific date for this Decree, it would give a better timeline to the May 8th activity that soon follows.

• Now it's better ("At the beginning of May 1963..."), but why not just say "On May 1," (or whenever it was)? Sasata (talk) 09:17, 26 March 2009 (UTC)

The exact date isnt given YellowMonkey (cricket calendar poll!) 00:33, 27 March 2009 (UTC)

According to Hue Vesak shootings (largely edited by you) it was May 7th. Sasata (talk) 02:03, 30 March 2009 (UTC)

Done YellowMonkey (cricket calendar poll!) 05:34, 30 March 2009 (UTC)

• "This disallowed the flying of the Buddhist flag on Vesak..." Passive voice

• Now it's "...thereby disallowing the flying of the Buddhist flag..." still passive voice Sasata (talk) 09:17, 26 March 2009 (UTC)

changed YellowMonkey (cricket calendar poll!) 00:33, 27 March 2009 (UTC)

There's another instance in the Background section. Sasata (talk) 02:03, 30 March 2009 (UTC)

I've removed some. If there are any more, please remove them. YellowMonkey (cricket calendar poll!) 05:34, 30 March 2009 (UTC)

*"On June 3, protests continued." I think they had been continuing for some time, perhaps on this day they escalated?

*Several times throughout the article, it makes reference to the government deflecting responsibility by blaming the Vietcong, so I think it would be helpful if a sentence or two could be inserted somewhere to inform people who the Vietcong are and how they fit into the big picture.

*"...the troops fixed bayonets and put on gas masks before charging the protestors and pelting them with tear gas grenades." Unsure of the usage "fixed" in this context.

added the knife onto the rifle, basically YellowMonkey (click here to vote for world cycling's #1 model!) 06:23, 26 March 2009 (UTC)

*"Deaths and injuries were averted when a Buddhist leader urged the protestors to..." Do we know the identity of this leader?

No not mentioned. YellowMonkey (click here to vote for world cycling's #1 model!) 06:23, 26 March 2009 (UTC)

*Wikilink state department

*"...passed on the US threat to denounce regime for the chemical attacks." missing "the"

*"Before the Ngo family were deposed in November..." Isn't it the Diem family? Or is this a case where the first name=family name? At any rate, it's confusing.

*"...the findings declared..." awkward

• "...had used tear gas ... which was known for its strong irritant symptoms." A gas doesn't have symptoms.

• "... which was known causing strong irritation." -> "... which was known to strongly irritate mucous membranes."Sasata (talk)

• "The former has a brown colour.." -> "The former chemical...", or even better, just use the chemical names again so the reader doesn't have to go back to the last sentence to see what is being referred to.

• "Chloroacetone has a brown colour, while the ethyl bromoacetate is yellow, is used in conjunction with acid, and is a liquid at outdoor and room temperature." This sentence needs some repair. Sasata (talk) 09:17, 26 March 2009 (UTC)

changed. YellowMonkey (cricket calendar poll!) 00:33, 27 March 2009 (UTC)

The reference cited does not support the statement. The only reference I can find to color in that Org. Syn. article is: "After about half the bromine has been added, the liquid assumes a cherry color which is retained throughout the remainder of the bromination." The phrase "... used in conjunction with acid." also seems misleading. Yes, the cited Org. Syn. article describes the use of a variety of acids in the synthesis of ethyl bromoacetate, but this doesn't really have anything to do with the use of chloroacetone and ethyl bromoacetate as chemical weapons. Sasata (talk) 02:03, 30 March 2009 (UTC)

Changed. YellowMonkey (cricket calendar poll!) 05:34, 30 March 2009 (UTC)

*"Some varieties of French tear gas also contained phosgene oxime[29] or hydrogen cyanide.[30] This can lead to fatal consequences.." What can lead to fatal consequences?

*"Despite continuing protests, including self-immolations..." please clarify this latter part

I've changed all these, except the sentence reordering. Not sure it should be....YellowMonkey (click here to vote for world cycling's #1 model!) 02:48, 26 March 2009 (UTC)

• Comment. This article doesn't do enough to place the attacks in broader historical context, in particular, the context of the Vietnam War (a topic that isn't even mentioned in the article) and US connections to the ARVN.--ragesoss (talk) 12:51, 25 March 2009 (UTC)

Added YellowMonkey (click here to vote for world cycling's #1 model!) 02:48, 26 March 2009 (UTC)

Improved. I still think it does not do enough to give broader context for the event, but I'd like to see what other reviewers think.--ragesoss (talk) 23:24, 26 March 2009 (UTC)

In general yeah, but this was an internal SV matter not about communism/colonialism/puppets etc YellowMonkey (cricket calendar poll!) 00:33, 27 March 2009 (UTC)

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.