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Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Gail Halvorsen/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was archived by Laser brain via FACBot (talk) 11:41, 13 July 2016 [1].

Gail Halvorsen

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Nominator(s): Alexislynn(BYU) (talk) 21:31, 11 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

This article is about retired U.S. Airforce officer and humanitarian Gail Halvorsen. It describes Halvorsen's early life and career and focuses on his initiation of and work with Operation "Little Vittles". After seeing and speaking with some of the destitute children of Berlin during the Berlin Blockade, Halvorsen had the idea to drop his candy rations via handkerchief parachute to the children. After Halvorsen's commander officially sanctioned the project, Operation "Little Vittles" expanded drastically. From September 1948 to May 1949, Operation "Little Vittles" dropped over 23 tons of candy to the youth of Berlin. The article goes on to detail the rest of Halvorsen's professional career and his legacy-including both his awards and continuing humanitarian work. Halvorsen was awarded the Congressional Gold Medal, the Cheney Air Force Award, and the Legion of Merit. He also planned candy drops over Bosnia-Herzegovina (as a part of Operation Provide Promise), Kosovo, Japan, Guam, Albania, and Baghdad, Iraq. Because of his international renown, there is a plethora of information on Gail Halvorsen in various places. I believe that this article is one of (if not the) most comprehensive biographies of the man and his life's work. Alexislynn(BYU) (talk) 21:31, 11 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose for now at least -- recusing from my coord duties, I note there are large sections of uncited text; each paragraph should end with a citation at the very least (indicating all preceding text in the paragraph may be found in the cited source -- more granular referencing may be necessary). On a procedural matter, I note also that a Peer Review is still open; either this FAC should be withdrawn until the PR runs its course or the PR should be closed -- the two should not be open simultaneously, per FAC instructions. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 22:31, 11 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

The Peer Review has been closed, and I have read over the article again and added a few citations to specific sentences. I failed to find large sections of uncited text, however, and am hoping you could point those out so that I can add the necessary citations? Thanks for your time! Alexislynn(BYU) (talk) 16:36, 12 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Comment: You've added about eight citations, which is good, but I still see several uncited end-of-paragraph sentences:

  • "Halvorsen would serve as part of Air Force Systems Command for the next four years." This reads like padding and I think could be simply removed
  • "After his official retirement in 1974, Halvorsen continued to serve the local, national, and international community in a variety of ways." You need to provide examples of the "variety of ways", together with appropraite citations. Or lose the sentence.
  • " Halvorsen also performed multiple candy drops throughout the United States" - I've added a citation tag.

Also on the matter of citations, there is considerable over-referencing in the lead, of information that is adequately cited in the text. Most if not all of these should be removed.

On a more general issue, some of the prose does not seem encyclopedic in tone. For example, "Colonel Halvorsen's life, and especially his work with Operation "Little Vittles", had a profound impact on many, many lives both in the United States and throughout the world" – that's more like magaziney schmooze. I also think that you should refer to your subject as "Halvorsen" throughout, rather than variously as "Lieutenant Halvorsen" or "Colonel Halvoresen", and you should give your readers more information about his promotional path in the USAF: did he skip the ranks of captain and major? All in all, I'm inclined to agree with Ian that this nomination is at present somewhat undercooked. That's not to say that it's miles off, but I don't think that the peer review was adequate, and believe the articles needs a more thorough preparation. Brianboulton (talk) 23:20, 12 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose, suggest closure of this nomination I don't want to pile onto this well-intentioned nomination. However, I agree with the concerns raised by Ian and Brian and think that this nomination should be withdrawn for now. As some comments which I hope are helpful in improving the article:

  • The prose should be reworked so that it is encyclopedic in tone. At present the article reads like a lightweight magazine article, and doesn't do its subject justice as a result.
  • In particular, watch out for nice-sounding but inaccurate statements like "During that time he founded "Operation Little Vittles", an effort to raise morale in Berlin by dropping candy via miniature parachute to the city's residents" - the article states that this was done by Lieutenant General William H. Tunner (and military operations are "initiated", not "founded") and ""Little Vittles" was not the end of Halvorsen's military and humanitarian career, but the beginning" - he had been in the Air Force for six years before it began.
  • The lead is overly focused on the "candy bomber" aspect of Halvorsen's military career. The somewhat misnamed "professional career" section makes it clear that he had a very substantial career in important roles, and the lead doesn't do justice to this.
  • Please also check the technical details in the article against high quality sources. For instance:
    • "After fighter pilot training with the RAF" - was this really "with the RAF"? It looks to have been with one of the many facilities established in the US to train British pilots.
    • "During his flights he would first fly to Berlin, then deeper into Soviet-controlled areas" - please check this. My understanding is that the Allied pilots could only fly in a small number of direct routes between West Germany and Berlin, so it's unlikely that he flew further into East Germany after departing West Berlin (expect possibly a trivial distance while turning?)
    • "Support for this effort to provide the children of Berlin with chocolate and gum grew quickly, first among Halvorsen's buddies, then to the whole squadron" - but it's previously stated that the general in charge of the airlift ordered it to be expanded. This makes it sound like it was some kind of hobby for only one unit.
    • "used to ferry supplies into the starving city" - West Berlin never starved as the airlift was highly successful
  • The more-serious aspects of "Little Vittles" could be elaborated on. For instance: why was morale low? why did this help? what exactly was Halvorsen's role once it was up and running? (did he remain only a pilot, or gain a coordinator type role?) how significant and successful do serious modern historians consider it to have been?
  • What Halvorsen did during his university career isn't explained at present. Nick-D (talk) 11:54, 13 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Coordinator note: Substantive issues have been raised that indicate this is not ready. Therefore, I will be archiving the nomination. —Laser brain (talk) 11:41, 13 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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