Wingcho

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Hello, Wingcho, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.

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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 13:30, 16 July 2019 (UTC)

Note

Hi! I have some notes for you:

• You used some studies as sources in the content you added. Studies should generally be avoided unless they're accompanied with a secondary source that reviews the study or comments upon the specific claim that is being stated. The reason for this is that studies are primary sources for any of the claims and research conducted by their authors. The publishers don't provide any commentary or in-depth verification, as they only check to ensure that the study doesn't have any glaring errors that would invalidate it immediately. Study findings also tend to be only true for the specific people or subjects that were studied. For example, a person in one area may respond differently than one in an area located on the other side of the country. Socioeconomic factors (be they for the person or a family member) also play a large role, among other things that can impact a response. As such, it's definitely important to find a secondary source, as they can provide this context, verification, and commentary. Aside from that, there's also the issue of why a specific study should be highlighted over another. For example, someone could ask why one study was chosen as opposed to something that studied a similar topic or had different results.

• Some of the content needs to be attributed, as it was written like it was a personal statement. I'm fairly certain that these were summaries from the source material, however it's really important to attribute them to the person making the claim - especially when it comes to statements of value, such as "it is important that...". These types of statements are subjective to the reader, as something that is important to one may be seen as less important to another - they could say that another part of the work is what should be noted.

You also want to avoid vague statements as well as statements that may seem non-neutral, as you want to avoid something coming across as more slanted in one direction than another. You also want to avoid this coming across like original research, which can happen when the writing has the content mentioned previously.

I hope this helps! Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk)