Sam254254
| This user is a student editor in West_Virginia_University/Technical_Writing_(Spring_2021) . |
Welcome!
editHello, Sam254254, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Ian and I work with Wiki Education; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 14:32, 2 February 2021 (UTC)
Peer Review
editThe topic that I am editing is the World War Memorial (Kimball, West Virginia). The changes that need to be done for this article are that sections need to be added to this article as it directly begins with "The World War Memorial, also known as the Kimball War Memorial Building, stands on a hill in Kimball, West Virginia." and then continue without using headings. Moreover adding subsections such as what they used to in the building in the past. Furthermore, this article needs to be updated and needs more photos as there is only one photo. Moreover, more information needs to be added to the article and it can be found in the old papers. In addition, more information needs to be added about the fire and what happened later, who funded the rebuild of the building, and who worked on rebuilding it. ]The sources will be attached below.
Sources to be used:
1- https://etd.ohiolink.edu/apexprod/rws_etd/send_file/send?accession=osu1392905027&disposition=inline
2- https://www.loc.gov/item/2015634406/
- @Sam254254: Hi Sami, it's Dr. Sarraf. A few thoughts. First, can you show the original passage, your proposed revision, and your justification? Please see other classmates' posts for ideas on how to format your peer review page: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User_talk:Skiv99!
Second, I think you might have too many ideas here to reasonably accomplish the project within the next week. Perhaps you can decide on one or two of these edits and then describe more specifically what you plan to do. Here are responses to particular proposed edits:
- I agree that the opening sentence of the article is too abrupt--it says that the building stands on a hill but doesn't explain the memorial's purpose. What specific update would you like to make to that sentence?
- Which headings do you propose adding?
- How are you distinguishing between headings and subsections?
- What additional photo do you plan to add?
- You say that "more information needs to be added to the article and it can be found in the old papers." Can you please explain exactly which information you plan to add and from what source?
- Finally, where will you find information about the fire? What exact edit do you propose?
KjessJKT (talk) 14:16, 25 February 2021 (UTC)
- @Sam254254: Its Michael Lemon. I liked your given revision of the first sentence, as a dull first sentence sets the tone for the rest of the article. A better first line could talk about what the building stands for rather than the physical elements of the building. Something that tells the story of its significance better could be.
"The World War Memorial, also known as the Kimball War Memorial Building, was the first war memorial dedicated to African-Americans in the USA."
Our proposed revisions align well together and I think that we can get together a good plan. Headings is definitely a good idea, as the whole article is just a blob with no real structure to the whole of the article. In reference to the proposed changes, I think that the changes will work well in the article. Mal0037 (talk) 20:15, 25 February 2021 (UTC)
Images
editUnfortunately, there is no indication that the Reed College of Media has licensed the old view of the World War Memorial for free use through Creative Commons or another copyleft scheme - the Reed College website is specifically copyrighted. However, copyright expires 78 years after an image was first published, and it looks likely that a halftone image would have been published at the time stated, so it should be public domain in a couple of years. Acroterion (talk) 02:05, 6 March 2021 (UTC)