Rojinbkht
| This user is a student editor in UCLA/Chem_153A_Honors_(Winter_2018) . |
Hi this is Rojin.
Welcome! edit
Hello, Rojinbkht, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Ian and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 11:40, 1 February 2018 (UTC)
Kristienne's Peer Review for Lipid Metabolism edit
Content: I thought that the depth/scope with which you went into the content was a really good balance. Your article made sense to me overall and when I finished it I felt like I had a good understanding of what lipid metabolism is, so great job. I thought that your leading paragraph served its purpose in giving an overall summary. You could probably add a link to the Lipogenesis wikipedia page in your leading paragraph though!
Images: I like the diagram on the left, how you make it connect to what is being discussed in the article, and how scientifically accurate and color-coded it is. I think that one area of improvement if you are looking to add more content would be to add diagram or image that connects the different steps in lipid metabolism (digestion, absorption, metabolism) to the different areas of the body where they take place (for example, mouth, small intestine, a photo of the liver). Although you do a great job placing emphasis on what precisely is reacting and what products are being formed, I think that being reminded of where each process takes place in the body might be supplementally helpful for a process so critical to organism physiological function!
Writing (Accuracy/Grammar/Clarity): Overall great! I liked your variation in sentence length and felt like the article overall was concise. One suggestion is that I think the phrase “a good deal of the time” in the “Lipid metabolism disorders” section came off as a little too informal/imprecise. Also, the sentence about lipid metabolism existing in plants seemed a little bit random, especially because it breaks up your two sentences about “beginning with hydrolysis” and the second step of absorption, so perhaps you could move the sentence about plants to a different part of the leading paragraph to keep the other two sentences about lipid metabolism process together.
And just in general, I know I did this on my own article as well, but just remember to watch out for overly complex sentences when we are describing scientific chemical processes. For example, I had to reread this sentence because it is so long (it just felt like a lot of clauses with the “as” and multiple “ands”) just to make sure I knew what it was saying, perhaps it could be clarified by breaking it down into different sentences?:
“Fatty acid metabolism begins in the cytoplasm of epithelial cells as Acyl-CoA synthetase and hydrolysis of ATP cleaves a phosphate group and catalyzes the addition of Coenzyme A to the fatty acid.”
One of the tips I plan on doing for my own personal final draft is to reread my whole article out loud, just because I know sometimes we don’t realize how long sentences are until we try to read them or say them out loud.
Organization: I thought that the organization of the article overall was very clear, and I liked how it proceeded in a stepwise fashion. This made it very logical to read and aligned with how I was processing and understanding the phases of lipid metabolism in my mind.
References: Perhaps consider adding a reference to your last sentence of the “Lipid Digestion” section if possible just to end on a factual note; other than that, all of your references and external links look great!
Small note, there’s something weird about one of the hyperlinks around the 3rd final sentence in the leading paragraph. I tried fixing what I thought was a grammatical error on my own, but it just got more complicated; I would recommend checking if there’s any technical fix you could do to get rid of the hyperlink to “Hydrophobic effect.”
In general though, I thought your article was super clear and informative! Great job, and I can’t wait to see the end product! Kedrosolan (talk) 21:31, 8 March 2018 (UTC)