Lfsq22

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Hello, Lfsq22, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Brianda and I work with Wiki Education; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.

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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Brianda (Wiki Ed) (talk) 00:47, 2 February 2023 (UTC)

Your draft is really strong! I really enjoyed reading it, I didn't know a ton about the underrepresentation of women in this field (not any more than I could've assumed from our discussions in class), and I feel like I learned a lot from the original article as well as your draft. The sections that you added were extremely relevant to the subject, which can be challenging to avoid when you're adding to an article. I really liked how you included the "mainstreaming vs. sidestreaming" subsection, I think that was one of the strongest parts of the article. I also liked that your additions were focused on the gender inclusivity efforts being made in response to the lack of representation in the field. The only minor change I would make is in the lead; based on the rubric, our leads are supposed to highlight the sections we added, so I would just add something to the lead about the prevention efforts and increased gender inclusivity efforts being made, that way the lead can preface your section about it. Completeness-wise, it’s a little hard for me to tell where you wanted to place these sections within the original article, but I do think that the sections you have now seem complete! In the grand scheme of the whole article, I might suggest adding a concluding section that just summarizes the institutions that underrepresented women in this field, the posited explanations for this pattern, and the current efforts to consciously include women in the conversation regarding security policy. Other than that, I really liked reading your work, I think you did a great job! I can’t wait to read it when it’s finished :)

Jordynederer (talk) 04:36, 12 April 2023 (UTC)Jordyn Ederer (Jordynederer (talk) 04:09, 1 April 2023 (UTC))