Kvraffy
| This user is a student editor in University_of_Miami/Religious_Issues_in_Death_and_Dying_(Spring_2018) . |
Welcome! edit
Hello, Kvraffy, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 17:24, 14 February 2018 (UTC)
Week 7 - Peer Review (Esther Dvorkin) edit
Great job so far! I think the article you chose is extremely interesting!
- I think that the addition of images or graphics would be great as the original article is lacking this entirely. I am personally a visual learner and remember information when it is paired with a photograph, so maybe consider adding more than one main graphic on the article. If possible, you could potentially add multiple fore each section?
- As for more information that is not solely religious points, you may want to briefly introduce the process of organ donation (since there is probably an article which explains this already) or link a similar article. There may be certain steps taken in the US or other countries that differ or do not follow many religious beliefs on ways to treat the body post mortem. I think the idea of legal issues could further support information you may find on the different religious beliefs.
- I think your lead statement is much better than the original one posted on the article! There may be more sources you can find which help support the statements you make in your second and third sentence (everyone keeps mentioning the more sources the better/cite after every sentence). Within the third sentence specifically, you may be able to find an article or a debate which deals with the case of brain death or cardiac arrest as being the final call in whether an individual has officially passed away.
- After reading the 1981 report on the original article, I agree with your thought to remove it entirely. I believe the information is not relevant and other cases can be cited when discussing issues between the beliefs of Christianity and organ donation.
- For your Judaism section, I love the addition! However, I think that it would be beneficial to link the articles for Halakha and mitzvah as these may be terms that many people reading the article may not understand. On the other hand you could briefly define these terms, but I think linking the article to provide future readers with extensive information would be suffice and be beneficial.
Estherdvorkin (talk) 23:56, 18 March 2018 (UTC) - Within the section which discusses jewish medial ethics, there are times where it seems like you have cited (i.e.: “According to one school of thought,[20]”) but the citation itself is missing/incorrect. I may be wrong, but just in case make sure to cite before posting!
- For these I did not copy over the code from the original article, so the links didn't come through for this section that I did not write.
- I like what you have written for Judaism! This would be a great place to put in legal cases/issues since it would provide readers with real world debates that have gone on/are currently going on. It could give readers information on the stance of a Jewish person on organ donation. I think the only thing to be careful with is making sure that any additions of legal cases/issues are done so without suggesting one side is right/wrong or better/worse.
- @Estherdvorkin: do you think I should add a new section for legal cases perhaps by country or keep it within each religious section?
- @Kvraffy: I feel as though it may be better to keep the legal cases within each religious section. That would make it easier for individuals to find information if they are looking only at a particular religion.
- Within the Islam section, I think extra citations are necessary for certain phrases such as “This uncertainty stems from ambiguity caused by conflicting opinions among some Islamic leaders regarding this issue”, otherwise it may sound as though you are adding your own opinion and inferring where the uncertainty arises from.
- When discussing the negativity towards organ donation, you can add in legal battles or issues which support these statements. It is a fantastic place to add content as there is most likely an abundance of sources you can pull from to strengthen this statement. Also, love the final quote!
- The original article can benefit from more information on Hinduism and Jainism, however I’m sure you will get to this soon! — Preceding unsigned comment added by Estherdvorkin (talk • contribs) 22:23, 18 March 2018 (UTC)
- @Estherdvorkin: thank you so much this is all super helpful!! To help clarify some of your questions I am commenting below them. Overall your suggestions are really good and I really appreciate you taking the time to help me out! Also, I hope to add to the other religions soon. Kvraffy (talk) 22:46, 18 March 2018 (UTC)
- @Kvraffy: of course, any time! please let me know if you need any more suggestions or help!