Jessica Kurf
Review of Additions to "Management of Parkinson's Disease" Article edit
The following is a review of the additions to the "Management of Parkinson's Disease" article by Jessica_Kurf:
In the section on deep brain stimulation, the opening sentence has some redundant text. The sentence fragment "is a highly personalized intervention which" could be removed from the sentence entirely to make it more succinct while still conveying the same information (Jessica_Kurf). The text describes that surgery for deep brain stimulation must be specifically tailored for each patient, but does not go into any further depth regarding how it must be adapted for each patient. Some more detail here could be valuable in ensuring that readers understand this. The next few sentences introduce several approaches for DBS. This section may be better organized if each approach was separated into either a subsection or a new paragraph. Each subsection or new paragraph could then detail each approach and their advantages and disadvantages.
The sentence in the section on neurohabilitation describing the four new fields includes too much information for one sentence and is somewhat confusing as a result. As with the section on approaches for DBS, four subsections or paragraphs would convey the information more clearly. Each subsection or paragraph could introduce and describe each field and explain their advantages and disadvantages relative to one another. The sentence which follows contains a grammatical error. The sentence may be better phrased as "collecting robust scientific evidence on the cost-effectiveness for these four new neurohabilitation approaches has been challenging" (Jessica_Kurf).
In the opening sentence on the section on biomarkers, the word "amount" should be pluralized (Jessica_Kurf). In addition, adding a few sentences providing a brief overview of what a perspective biomarker is could be valuable in ensuring that readers fully understand the functions of the markers introduced later on. Links to other articles should be added to more advanced terms, such as alpha synuclein, IL-6, and TNF receptor-1. Readers may not know what these proteins and receptors are, and adding links to other articles would provide an easy opportunity for readers to obtain additional information.
The additions to the article are very good so far and with a few changes, will be excellent. I wish you the best of luck in your revisions!
Welcome! edit
Hello, Jessica Kurf, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Ian and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 17:23, 5 October 2016 (UTC)
Feedback edit
Reference #3 looks ok. #44 and #45 will probably be fixed by a bot eventually. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 21:09, 30 November 2016 (UTC)
- Hi Ian, thank you so much for your help! Jessica Kurf (talk) 16:30, 5 December 2016 (UTC)Jesscia Kurf
Edits to Parkinson's management edit
Almost nothing here was usable. You were hopefully given training materials about how to edit content about health? Either way please ask your WP liaison to over that stuff with you. Jytdog (talk) 06:34, 5 December 2016 (UTC)
- Hi Jytday, this is Jessica Kurf. Thank you for your message on my talk page about your opinion on my revision of the Wiki page (Management of Parkinson's disease). I am currently taking advanced English writing class at my University, and one of our projects is to contribute or add information on wikipedia page. I was assigned to this topic and I already did a Meta-review about current personlized medicine, individualized approach and precision medicine for parkinson's disease right before this wikipedia project. So the information about DBS, neurorehabilitation and biomarker study I added to my assigned page were all from literature review articles that were published in 2016 and I found all my review articles via Web of Science. So may I know did you actually check the reference/sources before you delete all my work? Also, especially, the neurorehabilitation is a fairly new concept to PD and biomarker study is the hot topic for PD research. As far as I'm concerned, these two information should be added to the management of PD page. In addition, I do have trainings about how to edit wikipedia page or what kind of information/what kind of sources can we use for medical topic, so I don't think my revision was inappropriate for medical field wiki-article. I will wait for your response till Tuesday morning. If you have nothing to respond or convince me about your deletion on my assigned page, I will add back the previous added material to the wiki page so my professor have chance to grade on my project on Wednesday. Please let me know if you have any further question about my work. Jessica Kurf (talk) 16:26, 5 December 2016 (UTC)Jessica Kurf