User talk:Btphelps/Archive/archive3

Advice

Hello Brian. I apologize for bothering you (I see that you're taking a break). I'm looking for some advice and some guidance. I'm hoping you can help me and I believe I can trust your opinion since I see that you're a fair and good editor on here. Please let me know if it's possible or not. Thanks. Caden S (talk) 18:20, 28 January 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for asking, I'm restricting what I'm working on to things of special interest to me. Got too spread out and involved in administrivia. But I'm flattered you asked. What can I do for you? -- btphelps ^{(talk) (contribs)} 18:47, 28 January 2009 (UTC)

I tried requesting a username change because I wanted to drop my real name. I asked to change my username from CadenS to Sniper101 at WP:CHU but it was denied. Two separate crats based their decisions on my current topic ban. I then contacted the second crat User_talk:Kingturtle personally on his talk page (at the suggestion of admin User:Black Kite) asking if I could drop the letter "S" from my username instead, but he came up with reasons that basically made no sense to me. I can't help but feel this topic ban is being used as further punishment in preventing me from a simple request. How can dropping the letter "S" from my username be such an issue? I don't understand it. Anyways, my main point was I wanted to ask you what's the best thing for me to do or if I should do anything at all. I don't know who I can ask and I don't know what to do. Can you please give me some advice on this? Caden S (talk) 20:26, 28 January 2009 (UTC)

Well, I'm neither an admin nor a bureaucrat around here, so what the admins say, goes. While I understand the desire to not use your real name/initials (as I do), if I were an admin I might under the circumstances think that changing your user name might be related to the topic ban. As an admin, I certainly would want to wait for the topic ban to end before the name change would be made. It's only reasonable—you are on a form of probation, after all.

However, rather than showing increased amounts of civility and taking your lumps, your language remains churlish, a little arrogant, perhaps defiant,[1] shows a lack of accountability, and seem to assume the editors are taking this out on you personally[2]. Whether or not you agree with the reason for the topic ban, you are experiencing the consequences of your behavior, and you cannot escape them. Continuing to complain and resist is not putting you in the admin's good graces and they are thus less inclined to grant your plea for a username change.

In my experience, once I give someone reason to mistrust me, it takes time to restore it, usually a lot longer than I'd like. I suggest you ask the admins what is a reasonable amount of time, during which you will be demonstrating good behavior, and after which they might be willing to grant the username change. Then Mind your Ps and Qs and follow through. (All of this is probably not what you wanted to read.)

Now may I ask why you chose to ask me for counsel? -- btphelps ^{(talk) (contribs)} 02:59, 29 January 2009 (UTC)

Thank you for the advice. It may have not been what I originally wanted to read but it made sense and has led me to stop and do some serious thinking. I can finally see where I have gone wrong and I take responsiblity. My bad behavior in handling things the wrong way is what's led to the mess I'm in. I'm going to change this. I will work even more on being extra civil regardless if I don't agree with others over an edit. I plan to follow and respect my topic ban through and I hope when it's over that I will have earned some trust. In regards to my username request, I shall wait until my ban has expired and proceed from there. Until then, it's good behavior that is needed from me just like you have pointed out. Again, thanks so much for the advice. I really appreciate it. Oh, and I chose to ask you after having seen your user page, but the barnstar convinced me. Caden S (talk) 17:58, 29 January 2009 (UTC)

Anytime we are led to stop and do some serious thinking, that's a sign of personal growth. I've been doing a lot of that myself recently. If I look at my life as a fruit tree, what kind of fruit am I producing, how long will it last, can others plant my fruit and grow their own fruit, and does the fruit I produce benefit me and those I love in the best way possible? (That's why I've cut back on my Wikipedia editing. While it's for a good cause, it doesn't benefit my family, and detracts from other much more long-term fruitful pursuits.) -- btphelps ^{(talk) (contribs)} 01:02, 30 January 2009 (UTC)

The naked truth?

Hi, Btphelps. With our editing paths crossing more than once around the intersection of Maher and Breastfeeding, I decided to give this matter more thought. Looking at a recent edit summary of yours, (Maher's quote needs more context to illustrate conflicting social attitudes about nudity), I was left with some questions regarding your perception of Maher's attitude about nudity. After looking at the statements made by Maher in that video clip, in context, here are my perceptions:

"...I never thought I'd be the one to say this — but don't show me your tits!" The fact that he never thought he'd be saying that indicates to me the reverse of the norm for him. So my perception is that he has no problem with bare breasts, normally.

"But this isn't really about women taking their breasts out in public — as much as I'd like them to." Again, this indicates he has no problem with publicly bared breasts -- quite the contrary, in fact.

"And by the way, there is a place where breasts and food do go together. It's called Hooters!" Yet another indication that it isn't breasts with which he takes issue.

Given that Maher is known to romantically associate with women that tend to bare more flesh than not, I don't think he has a problem with nudity -- at least in a sexualized context.

Maher also never indicates that he has a problem with a women's right to breastfeed:

"I'm not trying to be insensitive, here. I know your baby needs to eat..."

"...a woman who was breastfeeding in public and asked by an Applebee's manager not to leave but just to cover up a little bit." A couple times he mentions covering up, a sympathy shared by many prudish people in western societies, but he never denies her the right to breastfeed.

He also never "compared breastfeeding to masturbation," as you have asserted, nor did he compare breastfeeding to giving birth in the waterfall at the mall. He simply pointed out, humorously, that just because they are all natural acts, that does not in itself make them appropriate to do anywhere. Misrepresenting his comedy monologue as indicating he doesn't support a woman's right to breastfeed, or that he compared breastfeeding to masturbation, hints at ulterior motive. There are plenty of valid criticisms that could be made, instead. His belittling the activist's quite worthy cause, for instance, or his squeamishness about seeing breastfeeding, despite considering himself an 'enlightened' individual. My two cents, anyway... Cheers, Xenophrenic (talk) 09:02, 30 January 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for your thoughtful comment. Maher certainly used the words breastfeeding and masturbation in virtually the same sentence. If that's not establishing similarities or parallels, humorously or otherwise, I don't know what is. As you mentioned, it was certainly his goal to denigrate nursing mothers seeking support for the right to nurse in public without being called "indecent". Perhaps you ought to add that to the context. You alluded to the porn stars he spends time with, which certainly indicates he doesn't have a problem with nudity or pornography. But breastfeeding? I thought liberals supported individual rights?

In any case, I've decided to stop following this and related topics and focus much more narrowly on making fewer contributions in the specific areas in which I have some expertise. Regards, -- btphelps ^{(talk) (contribs)} 17:33, 30 January 2009 (UTC)