Brendacastrejon
| This user is a student editor in Wikipedia:Wiki_Ed/UCLA/CHEM_172_(Spring_2017). Student assignments should always be carried out using a course page set up by the instructor. It is usually best to develop assignments in your sandbox. After evaluation, the additions may go on to become a Wikipedia article or be published in an existing article. |
Welcome!
editHello, Brendacastrejon, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Ian and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 04:30, 29 September 2016 (UTC)
Article Review
editGood use of references in your article and linking them. I'm presuming the first line is actually separate from the rest of the text but perhaps not. In any case, the main issues were some redundant phrases and awkward style. "Not only did Davisson leave a legacy in through his work, but also through his children." is an example of an awkward sentence, and perhaps could be rephrased as "Davisson's legacy extends beyond his work to his children." Furthermore, tonally, there were some deviations from "encyclopedic" style, where it seemed more like a eulogy or some sort of praise paper.
It's important to maintain a neutral tone when writing encyclopedic content, and this is broken in a few places such as: "Scientific innovations and feats continued in Clinton Davisson's name." Some parts took on a rather prosaic and artistic bent which is not necessarily desirable in a Wikipedia article such as "He died during a peaceful sleep." Perhaps these make sense with further context, but they were jarring to me.
That's about it, I hope that was helpful.
Kchat96 (talk) 20:12, 21 November 2016 (UTC) Kushal Chatterjee (Kchat96)