Ashley oconnell
Welcome! edit
Hello, Ashley oconnell, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Ian and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
I hope you enjoy editing here. If you haven't already done so, please check out the student training library, which introduces you to editing and Wikipedia's core principles. You may also want to check out the Teahouse, a community of Wikipedia editors dedicated to helping new users. Below are some resources to help you get started editing.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 02:31, 26 January 2016 (UTC)
Hello! edit
Hello Ashley! I am also in IAH 209 this semester! So far Wikipedia seems really confusing so I hope I'm using this part correctly...Nice to "meet" you! Goodell8 (talk) 03:10, 26 January 2016 (UTC)
Hello! edit
Hi Ashley! My name is Paulina Fernandez and I live in the outskirts of Philadelphia Pennsylvania. I am a premedical student majoring in Human Biology at Michigan State University. I also have a miniature dachshund named Fernando. My best and most passionate interests, aside from medicine, is being out on the beach. Although I live in the North East my family and I are very tropical people. I have always dreamed of going to a school in the south where I can lay on the beach on a saturday afternoon, walking to class surrounded by palm trees, warm weather year round and not having to wear 10 layers to walk to class. However, when I put things in perspective, I was asking too much of my college experience and I am going to college to get an education and weather should not be a priority. I decided to go to Michigan State to get a different experience than most people who I graduated with. A new environment, a new culture, and new people. I believe my choice to go far away to school was by far the best decision I have ever made. It has toughened me up and has made me grow as a person into a more mature young adult. I have an older sister who went to Penn State University and is now working at Liberty Mutual`s headquarters as an Actuary. I danced from the age of 3 until I graduated high school and I have competed in many competitions and did all different styles of dance. I am excited to start my page of Wikipedia!
Pcfernandez324 (talk) 05:09, 27 January 2016 (UTC)
Hello! edit
Hi, Ashley -- welcome to Wikipedia! As Ian mentioned, the Teahouse is a great resource for new editors. But did you know that Wikipedia also has an extensive help library for common questions? Of course, if you run into a question or problem, you're always welcome to get in touch with me either by email or on my talk page. Happy editing! Fraudoktorkatie (talk) 14:52, 27 January 2016 (UTC)
Peer Review edit
Hi Ashley!
First of all, I love your topic of choice! Although, after I read your article in the discussion forum on D2L, I had a hard time finding the actual article on Wikipedia. I thought your topic was Coronary Artery Bypass Grafting but then I saw that your topic was actually Cardiac Surgery- however I wasn't able to find a section that had coronary artery bypass grafting within the article. I do apologize if it's just me and my technical skills that I had a hard time.
I think you did a really great job writing on a medical article, that's definitely very tough to pull off. I also think you did a good job keeping the content to a neutral viewpoint.
Here are a few things I noticed:
- Minor grammar issues- "This is the most common type of open-heart surgery according to the National Heart, Lung, and Blood institute and is surgical procedure is done in order to give blood another path to travel in order to supply the heart and the body. " -Did you mean to say "this surgical procedure is done..."? Make sure to make "patient" and/or "patients" plural. You did in some areas but not others! In the sentence- "Arteries are typically harvested from the chest, arm or wrist to them be attached to another portion of the coronary artery again taking pressure away and limiting clotting factors in that area of the heart.", I think you meant to say "then" instead of "them"? At the part that says "With a plaque rupture built on top of a blockage" (in the 3rd paragraph), since when speaking medically it's important to be literal, should it be changed to "With a plaque rupture built up in addition to a blockage..."?
- When I first started reading the article, I felt a little confused about what coronary artery bypass grafting was. I know you went on to explain it but I think what would make it easier to understand when reading would be to flip flop and put the section describing the reasoning and why coronary artery bypass grafting is done to be first and then go on to describe details about how the procedure is done. Once the reader understands the purpose of something, it's much easier to understand the process.
- The structure of the article seems more like an essay style. This actually could be fine if Coronary Artery Bypass Grafting is indeed just one section of the entire article of "Cardiac Surgery" but if it will be an individual article, I would suggest creating some sections or maybe you were already planning to do that if you are/were to expand! Even so, you could create a section for "Causes", "Purpose", "Process" etc. or whatever seems most appropriate.
- I don't see any resources or citations in the article, unless of course you put them in the actual article but just not on the D2L submission. Make sure to cite your information!
Overall, good job on the information, I think you could still do a lot with this article and have it turn out really great!
Hello! edit
Hi, Ashley!
It's awesome that your major is Human Development and Family Studies, because that is what my major used to be and it is similar to my current major, Elementary Education. I thought it was interesting that you chose Cardiac Surgery with the major that you have, because I feel like science majors would be more interested in that article. It shows that you are willing to go above and beyond!
Thank you for letting me introduce myself, and good luck with the rest of your semester :)
Karlee Bednarowski Karraebed —Preceding undated comment added 04:18, 2 May 2016 (UTC)