The Reformed Church of Athena is a parody religion that worships the Greek Goddess Athena as the goddess of coffee, beer, and rock & roll. The Church primarily mocks Christianity, but its teachings pokes fun at the other two monotheistic faiths as well.
Teachings
editThe Church holds that coffee, beer, and rock & roll are more than just great things; they are the meaning of life. Without them, life has no purpose and true happiness can not be realized. Because Athena created these things, we obligated to give her thanks. Everyone is born with the guilt of having received something great, but having not said thank you. This guilt is called Original Sin, and only thanking Athena can one remove it and obtain inner peace. Athena not only created coffee, beer, and rock & roll, but She dwells in them and is made of them, although how and to what degree no human can understand.[1]
Parody of Christianity
editOriginal Sin is an obvious mockery of the Christian concept of the same name. In Christianity, it is extremely powerful and is the justification given for the sinfulness of man and the need for a savior. In the Reformed Church of Athena, however, it is simply not being as happy as possible because one has to thank Athena for coffee, beer, and rock & roll.
The Holy Trinity in the Athenian Church is coffee, beer, and rock music, as opposed to the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
Claiming that Athena is made of coffee, beer, and rock & roll can be compared with the Christian claim that God is made of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
The Church's holy book, The Tome of Wisdom, is a parody of Paul's epistles in the New Testament, in that all Scriptures are letters to a single person each and deal only with one topic. This differs from the Suras in the Qur'an, the history texts in the Old Testament, or biographies like the Gospels. One piece of Athenian scripture is called Letter to the Pope and deals with Athenian apologetics while attacking Christian history.
Without always specifically mentioning Christianity or Islam, the Church lists evil acts such as holy wars, terrorism, homophobia, and Hell when discussing how it is different from other religions.
The word "Reformed" in the name itself makes reference to Reformist teachings made popular by French theologian John Calvin. Although "Reformed" also serves to differentiate the current Athenian church from the older Greek cult.
The membership requirements poke fun at Christian hypocrisy by stating:
Becoming a Reformed Athenian is no different than becoming a Christian; a nominal declaration is all that is needed. No lifestyle change required!
Apologetics
editMost of the criticism of the Reformed Church of Athena stems from Athena's role in the Greek Pantheon. The Church maintains that any acts of evil that appear to have been done by Athena or an earlier manifestation were instead done by Lavos an evil, immortal being that is analogous to the Christian Devil. Critics also point out that in Greek mythology Athena was the goddess of battle and wisdom, not coffee, beer, and rock music.[2] However, Reformed Athenians believe that Athena is eternal and nameless; she was worshipped by dozens of other cultures before the Greeks adopted her. Each new culture came closer to understanding her than the last. The Reformed Church of Athena believes that it is the final and most complete understanding of the Goddess.