Template:Did you know nominations/Omar Elabdellaoui
- The following discussion is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.
The result was: promoted by BlueMoonset (talk) 21:09, 13 July 2012 (UTC)
Omar Elabdellaoui edit
- ...
that Manchester City's Omar Elabdellaoui is the cousin of Norway international Mohammed Abdellaoue?
Created/expanded by Mentoz86 (talk), LindaSportGirl (talk), GiantSnowman (talk). Nominated by Mentoz86 (talk) at 20:48, 24 June 2012 (UTC)
- Length fine, 5x expansion, hook a little confusing. I'm not a football fan, so I don't understand what you mean by "international Mohammed Abdellaoue". I suggest that you think of another hook, something a little more interesting. Actually, this brings up the main issue I have with this article: its grammar. Here are a few examples:
- Scott Sellars, coach at City's U18 team, stated in an interview with Norwegian TV 2 in January 2010 that Elabdellaoui has "got a big future".
- He played eight league matches before he got a fracture in his foot in the league match against Fredrikstad on 28 May 2011, and returned to Manchester for a surgery.
- Feyenoord loan section: This paragraph is full of tense-agreement errors.
- I could go on, but I think that I've illustrated my point. This article's prose is not at a level deserving of the main page. I recommend that you copyedit it; if you like, I can do it for you.
- Sources: I don't speak either Dutch or Norwegian, so I'm unable to access the sources. I was able to look at ref 12; the article makes no mention of Omar, so there's no support for the statement you've made about Omar's loan to Rotterdam. That concerns me; I've found that if one source is iffy like that, others have the same problem.
- All the issues make me hesitant to allow this to go on the main page. Christine (Figureskatingfan) (talk) 17:30, 28 June 2012 (UTC)
- ALT1 ... that Manchester City's Omar Elabdellaoui did not want to go on loan to Strømsgodset in 2012 because of the artificial turf at Marienlyst Stadion?
- ALT2 ... that John Guidetti advised his teammate at Manchester City, Omar Elabdellaoui, to go on loan to Feyenoord?
- Sorry for the late reply. Yes, you are right - the hook was dull. I've struck it, and added two other hooks. My English is not very good, so I'd appreciate if you would copyedit the article. I've replaced the ref that didn't support the statement, (ref 12) and rewrote the sentance a little, and I will go through the English and Norwegian sources once more to check that every source actually supports what's it's supposed to. Mentoz86 (talk) 23:29, 3 July 2012 (UTC)
- I agree to do the copyedit for you. I'll give you a week to look at the sources, and then I'll go through them myself using Google translation. Not the best solution, but it may be helpful. Christine (Figureskatingfan) (talk) 17:40, 4 July 2012 (UTC)
- I have completed the copyedit; whew, it was harder than I thought! I found that I needed to look at a few translated sources; they looked okay in regards to my above concerns about close paraphrasing and the source matching the content. Still go through them, though; when you've assured me that you've done it in good faith, I'll pass it to DYK. Also, could you please check my spelling, especially the Norwegian names? Christine (Figureskatingfan) (talk) 18:54, 4 July 2012 (UTC)
- Thank you for the copy-edit! Norwegian names have been checked, Norwegian and English sources have been checked one more time - and I can assure you that they back up what's written ahead of the inline-citation. Mentoz86 (talk) 11:14, 11 July 2012 (UTC)
- AGF re the sources, so article with either ALT1 or ALT2 hooks good to go. Christine (Figureskatingfan) (talk) 19:41, 11 July 2012 (UTC)
- Thank you for the copy-edit! Norwegian names have been checked, Norwegian and English sources have been checked one more time - and I can assure you that they back up what's written ahead of the inline-citation. Mentoz86 (talk) 11:14, 11 July 2012 (UTC)
- I have completed the copyedit; whew, it was harder than I thought! I found that I needed to look at a few translated sources; they looked okay in regards to my above concerns about close paraphrasing and the source matching the content. Still go through them, though; when you've assured me that you've done it in good faith, I'll pass it to DYK. Also, could you please check my spelling, especially the Norwegian names? Christine (Figureskatingfan) (talk) 18:54, 4 July 2012 (UTC)
- I agree to do the copyedit for you. I'll give you a week to look at the sources, and then I'll go through them myself using Google translation. Not the best solution, but it may be helpful. Christine (Figureskatingfan) (talk) 17:40, 4 July 2012 (UTC)
- Sorry for the late reply. Yes, you are right - the hook was dull. I've struck it, and added two other hooks. My English is not very good, so I'd appreciate if you would copyedit the article. I've replaced the ref that didn't support the statement, (ref 12) and rewrote the sentance a little, and I will go through the English and Norwegian sources once more to check that every source actually supports what's it's supposed to. Mentoz86 (talk) 23:29, 3 July 2012 (UTC)
It's unclear whether this is fully approved; if it is, could you please pass it using the gray check mark? (Since I see there's AGF involved, the green tick should not be used.) And if not, can you explain what is okay and what still needs work? Many thanks! BlueMoonset (talk) 04:34, 13 July 2012 (UTC)
Sorry, thought that my support was clear from the above words. This is okay enough for DYK, although I recommend that you get additional help to improve it further. Christine (Figureskatingfan) (talk) 15:20, 13 July 2012 (UTC)
- Part of the reviewing process includes using the appropriate icon: people assembling DYK sets look for them, and the reports of approved hooks by day use the icons to determine which hooks are ready. With 150–200 hooks there's way too much text to read through, so the icons have become a necessity. BlueMoonset (talk) 15:31, 13 July 2012 (UTC)
