- The following discussion is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.
The result was: promoted by Miyagawa (talk) 18:15, 7 January 2013 (UTC)
Akari Hayami
edit
... that Momoiro Clover (pictured) changed its name to Momoiro Clover Z after Akari Hayami left the group?
ALT1:... that Momoiro Clover (pictured) changed its name to Momoiro Clover Z after Akari Hayami left the girl group?- Comment: I'm a new nominator (0 DYK credits at the moment), I haven't reviewed any articles yet.
Created/expanded by Moscowconnection (talk). Self nom at 12:41, 11 December 2012 (UTC)
Unsourced paragraphs (or sections) need to be sourced! I am not sure if the article has been expanded at least twofold on December 7. --Tito Dutta (talk) 04:40, 17 December 2012 (UTC)
- The article was created on December 7, 2012, not expanded. Other issues have been fixed: 1. The short unreferenced one-sentence opening paragraph of the Career section has been merged with the next one (I took the info from the Japanese Wikipedia. "Near her graduation from elementary school" should mean "early 1997", so there's not much of a gap with the next sentence. Web Archive shows that her profile appeared on the Stardust Promotion website in February 2008.) If there's a problem, I can simply remove the sentence completely. But I think it is useful, since it says approximately when Akari's career started. 2. I copied a reference from the Career section into the Movies section. Now, it has a source. --Moscow Connection (talk) 05:41, 17 December 2012 (UTC)
- Fresh review Ah ya, I made the mistake which I thought to say (I unfortunately saw the first link), looks good, can you clarify- left what? Group? And (optional) can you rewrite the hook (or add an alt) adding the DYK link first something like After the leaving of Akari Hayami the group...? --Tito Dutta (talk) 05:58, 17 December 2012 (UTC)
- Yes, she left the group. When I created the nomination, the hook said "left the girl group" because I thought that people would think "Girl group? Interesting!" and click, but then I thought the hook was too long and that it was better to let readers find everything out themselves. Since you found the hook confusing, I'm adding the words "the group" now. I'm willing to add an alternative with the DYK link first, but I'm struggling to make it sound right. Actually, of all my DYK nominations this one is very encyclopedic and the hook was meant to say "Did you know that the group was named simply Momoiro Clover and why it changed its name?", not "Did you know what happened after Akari Hayami left?". (Actually, it's probably "when", not "after" cause the name change was announced at her final concert.) The group is very popular in Japan, and it is common knowledge for anyone who knows a bit about it. Do you have any suggestions for the hook now when you know what it is meant to say? --Moscow Connection (talk) 19:15, 17 December 2012 (UTC)
- Any interesting fact of her life directly? Or Did you know... Akara Hayami is a former member of the Japanese all girl group Momoiro Clover (now known as..)? --Tito Dutta (talk) 21:13, 17 December 2012 (UTC)
- I would like to use this fact. I think it is interesting. It's just that you didn't understand, so I thought there was something wrong with the wording. --Moscow Connection (talk) 22:15, 17 December 2012 (UTC)
- What is the hook now? I am checking other issues in the article! --Tito Dutta (talk) 00:35, 18 December 2012 (UTC)
- It's written above: "... that Momoiro Clover (pictured) changed its name to Momoiro Clover Z after Akari Hayami left the group?". Since you are reviewing the article now, I won't change it anymore. I've also just added an alternative version marked as "ALT1". You can choose which one you like more. You can also propose your own alternative. --Moscow Connection (talk) 01:42, 18 December 2012 (UTC)
- It can be considered desirable to have the article (bolded) link early in the hook, so people click on it rather than other links, which is what I thought Titodutta was getting at initially. If you wanted, the hook could read as follows:
- ALT2: ... that after Akari Hayami left Momoiro Clover (pictured), the girl group changed its name to Momoiro Clover Z?
- I agree that specifying "girl group" is useful, especially if the picture does not run with the hook, as does happen since there being more pictures than picture slots. BlueMoonset (talk) 06:11, 18 December 2012 (UTC)
- Your alternative seems to sound more clear than mine. So personally I vote for ALT2. --Moscow Connection (talk) 20:42, 18 December 2012 (UTC)
- In DYK, we give a great deal of deference to the nominator in terms of preferred hooks, as long as they're all accurate. I'll strike out the earlier ones so ALT2 is the one reviewed. BlueMoonset (talk) 20:48, 18 December 2012 (UTC)
- There's one minor detail. What do you think sounds better or more correct, "after Akari Hayami left" or "when Akari Hayami left". Cause the decision was announced at ther final concert with the group. "After" seems to sound better and more clear. But "when" may be more correct. --Moscow Connection (talk) 20:58, 18 December 2012 (UTC)
- I actually think I like "when" better in the sentence—it flows better to me—but didn't know it could be used so I went with "after". It depends what the sources for the hook say. I'll let you decide; feel free to edit ALT2 if you want to change that one word. BlueMoonset (talk) 21:12, 18 December 2012 (UTC)
- The source describing the event in a simple sentence says "after". But there are plenty of sources, including a couple that describe the final concert with Akari in detail, so I will research the matter further. --Moscow Connection (talk) 23:07, 18 December 2012 (UTC)
- I actually think I like "when" better in the sentence—it flows better to me—but didn't know it could be used so I went with "after". It depends what the sources for the hook say. I'll let you decide; feel free to edit ALT2 if you want to change that one word. BlueMoonset (talk) 21:12, 18 December 2012 (UTC)
- There's one minor detail. What do you think sounds better or more correct, "after Akari Hayami left" or "when Akari Hayami left". Cause the decision was announced at ther final concert with the group. "After" seems to sound better and more clear. But "when" may be more correct. --Moscow Connection (talk) 20:58, 18 December 2012 (UTC)
- In DYK, we give a great deal of deference to the nominator in terms of preferred hooks, as long as they're all accurate. I'll strike out the earlier ones so ALT2 is the one reviewed. BlueMoonset (talk) 20:48, 18 December 2012 (UTC)
- Your alternative seems to sound more clear than mine. So personally I vote for ALT2. --Moscow Connection (talk) 20:42, 18 December 2012 (UTC)
- It can be considered desirable to have the article (bolded) link early in the hook, so people click on it rather than other links, which is what I thought Titodutta was getting at initially. If you wanted, the hook could read as follows:
- It's written above: "... that Momoiro Clover (pictured) changed its name to Momoiro Clover Z after Akari Hayami left the group?". Since you are reviewing the article now, I won't change it anymore. I've also just added an alternative version marked as "ALT1". You can choose which one you like more. You can also propose your own alternative. --Moscow Connection (talk) 01:42, 18 December 2012 (UTC)
- What is the hook now? I am checking other issues in the article! --Tito Dutta (talk) 00:35, 18 December 2012 (UTC)
- I would like to use this fact. I think it is interesting. It's just that you didn't understand, so I thought there was something wrong with the wording. --Moscow Connection (talk) 22:15, 17 December 2012 (UTC)
- Any interesting fact of her life directly? Or Did you know... Akara Hayami is a former member of the Japanese all girl group Momoiro Clover (now known as..)? --Tito Dutta (talk) 21:13, 17 December 2012 (UTC)
Full review needed now that hook is set as ALT2. BlueMoonset (talk) 20:48, 18 December 2012 (UTC)
- Mention somewhere in article about the group name change. (though should not be an issue of DYK), slightly expand the lead in summary style (her appearnces in movies, dramas etc)! --Tito Dutta (talk) 08:00, 21 December 2012 (UTC)
- Tito, the group name change is mentioned and sourced in the article; indeed, as it's mentioned in all the hooks, doing so is an absolute DYK requirement. What is not a requirement is your request for a slightly expanded lead: while WP:LEAD applies to GANs, it does not apply to DYK nominees. Please check WP:DYK and WP:DYKSG for the actual requirements for DYK, and what does (and does not) need to be checked. Thank you. BlueMoonset (talk) 21:11, 21 December 2012 (UTC)
- New reviewer still needed. Thank you. BlueMoonset (talk) 22:51, 30 December 2012 (UTC)
