Talk:Turtles All the Way Down (Awake)/GA2

GA Review

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Reviewer: Gen. Quon (talk · contribs) 04:41, 29 May 2012 (UTC)

• Plot: "…after attacking Hawkins and causing a car accident" -> "…after attacking Hawkins and causes a car accident"
• Production: "Many viewers were wondering if the series creator has changed the last episode, due to the cancellation of the series." -> "Many viewers wondeed if the series creator had changed the ending for the last episode, due to the cancellation of the series."
• Production: "This causes series creator and executive producer…" -> "This caused series creator and executive producer"
• Production: I don't think you need the "(who plays as Micheal Britten)" interjection since you already established that in the plot section
• Production: "…claimed that he finds it…" -> "…claimed that he found it…"
• Ratings: Change 'earlier' to 'early' and change "regular time slot of" to "regular time slot on"
• Reviews: what does "the chicken heart really begins to grow" mean?

That line appears to have been removed from the article, but I'm sure that it was a reference to Bill Cosby's classic "Chicken Heart" routine from 1966. WaxTadpole (talk) 20:24, 24 July 2015 (UTC)

Critical Reception: This section has some major boo-boos. The tense shifts rapidly, and there's a lot of jumps. Here's the issues:

• :"He also noted that parts of the episode are…" -> "He also noted that parts of the episode were"
• :"...and that he was "the show embraced some final insanity before the end, it’s more the illusion of depth than actual depth"." ->"…and that "the show embraced some final insanity before the end, it’s more the illusion of depth than actual depth"."
• :"Handlen claimed that […] despite claiming" Word repetition, changes this up a bit

  "Handlen also noted that he would "look forward to their next projects" Whose projects?

• :"He claimed that he thought…" -> "He thought…"
• :"He also claimed that he doesn't…" 'doesn't' should be written out as 'does not'
• :"McHatton concluded his review by giving the episode a "5.0 out of 5" as a perfect score." -> "McHatton concluded his review by giving the episode a score "5.0 out of 5"."
• :"2011-12" should have an en-dash like this: "2011–12"
• :"what Awake would be like in a…" Awake should be italicized
• :"…or even just one more year", Could Awake…" Remove quotation mark after year and italicized Awake
• :"He claimed that "Once Awake arrives…" Again, italicized…
• :Link NetFlix
• :"He claims that Kyle Killen's works…" -> "He claimed…"
• :The repition of "[Insert Name] from [Insert Magazine], again, enjoyed the episode" gets a little grating. I'd suggesting chaining it up and every so often just write "[Name] from [Magazine] gave the episode a positive review, complimenting…" etc.
• :"He claimed that the episode has the similar points "That's Not My Penguin" and "Say Hello to My Little Friend"." What does this mean? The tenses (claimed/has) are off and I'm not sure what the last part is trying to say.
• :"He called it "promising", for both the series and episode." How can the episode be promising for the episode?
• :Link Alan Sepinwall and HitFix
• :"He claimed that the episode feels like a "Series Finale, than Season Finale, which is a good thing"," -> "He claimed that the episode feels more like a "Series Finale, than Season Finale", which he called "a good thing"."
• :If you're going to link NBC, do it when its first mentioned in the section, somewhere in the first paragraph
• :The paragraphs uses variations of 'claimed' and 'noted' Ad nauseam. Change this up and use other words, like wrote, argued, opined, etc.
• References: Add a retrieval day for Ref. 3
• References: Use consistent dating: you use variations of "YYYY-MM-DD" and "Month Day, Year". Pick one and stick with it
• References: Ref 13 needs to credit Matt Fowler as the writer and it needs a pub date
• References: Ref 14 needs to credit Nick McHatton as the writer and it needs a pub date
• References: Ref 16 needs to credit Kevin Yeoman as the writer and it needs a pub date
• References: Ref 19 needs pub date

On hold for seven days.--Gen. Quon (talk) 16:15, 29 May 2012 (UTC)

I have fixed all the issues. Thank you for review. Tate Brandley Stockwell 23:11, 29 May 2012 (UTC)

Excellent. I made some minor tweaks, but I now feel it is ready to promote. Good work!--Gen. Quon (talk) 23:20, 29 May 2012 (UTC)