Talk:Trespass (album)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Mike Christie (talk · contribs) 09:02, 17 July 2018 (UTC)

I'll review this. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 09:02, 17 July 2018 (UTC)

• Not an issue for GA, but you're inconsistent with publisher locations; there's a location in footnote 50, but not in any of the sources cited in the list below. Also, that list is out of alphabetical order; the last item starts with Banks.
• External links are OK, and Earwig finds no problems.

Generally this looks in excellent shape. The organization is good, and the sources look fine. I have some prose suggestions, but most of these are pretty minor points.

• The line-up during this time was founding members, lead vocalist Peter Gabriel, suggest "The line-up during this time was the founding members: lead vocalist Peter Gabriel, ".

I've changed this around and split it into two sentences elsewhere, which I think flows a bit better generally. Ritchie333 ^{(talk) (cont)} 16:38, 18 July 2018 (UTC)

• The eldest and more experienced musician, Mayhew was from a different background: suggest "The oldest and most experienced".

Again, I've taken this, but reworded it and split to two sentences. It reads a little bit better now in my view. Ritchie333 ^{(talk) (cont)} 16:38, 18 July 2018 (UTC)

• Phillips recalled that recording was only "slightly more sophisticated" than From Genesis to Revelation, and recalled Anthony disliked having someone "drop in" their individual parts: repetition of "recalled".

Done Ritchie333 ^{(talk) (cont)} 16:38, 18 July 2018 (UTC)

• it offered little room to change its sound: what does "its" refer to here? Should it be "their", referring to "the already composed songs"?

Yes, I've reworded this so it's more obvious Ritchie333 ^{(talk) (cont)} 16:38, 18 July 2018 (UTC)

• along classical, pop and folk music: presumably should be "along with".

Indeed it does Ritchie333 ^{(talk) (cont)} 16:38, 18 July 2018 (UTC)

• which he thought made group achieve a more unique and innovative sound: should be "made the group", but how about "which he thought created [or led to] a more unique and innovative sound"?

I've gone with "Gabriel was particularly fond of the combined twelve-string guitars and thought they gave the group a more unique and innovative sound." Ritchie333 ^{(talk) (cont)} 16:38, 18 July 2018 (UTC)

• He was older than the rest of the band and felt an outsider: ambiguous -- make it "felt himself to be an outsider" or "felt to them like an outsider", depending on which you mean.

Gone with "considered and outsider". Ritchie333 ^{(talk) (cont)} 16:38, 18 July 2018 (UTC)

• The cover showed mountains in the distance and two people looking out of a window at it, that represented the pastoral themes of some of the songs. Something wrong here -- "that" doesn't have a referent. I guess you have to go with the source, but mountains and looking out of a window doesn't seem pastoral to me. Can the connection be made more clearly?

I've rewritten this to "The cover showed two people looking out of a window at mountains" (where have I heard that before?) Ritchie333 ^{(talk) (cont)} 16:38, 18 July 2018 (UTC)

-- Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 09:30, 17 July 2018 (UTC)

@Mike Christie: Thanks for doing the review. This is just a quick holding reply to say I'm working on two other GA reviews right now (as you can see from my contributions); they should hopefully be done and dusted within the next day or two and I can then crack on with this. Ritchie333 ^{(talk) (cont)} 22:28, 17 July 2018 (UTC)

No hurry; I'll keep an eye open for edits. It was a pleasure doing the review -- this was one of the first albums I bought as a teenager. When I was about 14 I thought "White Mountain" was the coolest song ever written. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 00:17, 18 July 2018 (UTC)

Okay, I've gone through the issues. I recall getting hold of a cassette copy of this when I was about 19, I'd already heard their later albums but this was the first one I could easily play along to. Even so, some of the composition in it, considering none of the core four were over 20 and they didn't have the secret weapon of Phil on drums at that point, is pretty impressive. It's fortunate that Tony Stratton Smith took a liking to them and got them in the studio, because they were ultra-obscure at that point. Ritchie333 ^{(talk) (cont)} 16:38, 18 July 2018 (UTC)

All the fixes look good, so promoting. And thanks for the Python link; hadn't thought about that sketch in thirty years. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 00:55, 19 July 2018 (UTC)

Thanks for the review! Ritchie333 ^{(talk) (cont)} 09:03, 19 July 2018 (UTC)