Talk:Tom Laughlin/GA1

GA Review

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Article content

Infobox

• Under the 'Other name(s)' field, is has he really released work under these aliases? There are a few that aren't mentioned within the article text.

==Yes, he has. He was billed as Tommy Laughlin in The Delinquents. He directed 5 films under the name T.C. Frank, directed two others and produced an additional one as Don Henderson, produced a film using the name Mary Rose Solti, directed two films as Frank Laughlin, written a film as Frank Cristina, and one as Lloyd E. James. BillyJack193 (talk) 13:47, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

Lead

• The lead does not adequately summarize the entire article. Please review WP:LEAD and expand as necessary.

Early life and film career

• The first paragraph seems to jump straight into his college years. Is there any other information regarding his childhood or adolescence?

Honestly, there's not much that I could find, but I'll look again.BillyJack193 (talk) 13:47, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

• There are some problematic sentences and paragraphs in this section. For example, some paragraphs are only one to two sentences long.
• I also noticed that, when compared to the next section (Leaving Hollywood), the article fails to be set in a chronological sense. This should be fixed.

It is in chronological order. The later dates in the first section are the film's release dates. They were filmed much earlier. BillyJack193 (talk) 13:47, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

• The acronym 'NFL' should be expanded.

Fixed BillyJack193 (talk) 13:47, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

• After his college life, it also jumps right into his teaching. What lead him to teach? What happened "after his hopes of being a professional athlete panned out"?

Again there is very little information to be found. BillyJack193 (talk) 13:47, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

• …in addition to guest lecturing at other universities throughout the country. Which country?

Fixed BillyJack193 (talk) 13:47, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

• He also appeared in Gidget (1959) as "Lover Boy". What is Gidget and who was "Lover Boy"?

FixedBillyJack193 (talk) 13:47, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

• However, Laughlin and Altman apparently did not get along. "Apparently" throws this sentence off. If they did not get along, this word should be removed. If it's untrue or has not been verified, this sentence should be removed entirely.

FixedBillyJack193 (talk) 13:47, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

Leaving Hollywood

This section is a bit short. Perhaps it would be suited best to be merged with another section.

Politics

Again, problematic sentences and paragraphs in this section (paragraphs that are only one to two sentences long, etc.).

Personal life

• In 2001, the public learned Laughlin was suffering from cancer of the tongue. This sentence would probably best be written as: In 2001, it was announced that Laughlin was suffering from cancer of the tongue. Also, would there happen to be a specific type of cancer he was suffering from? I've made a few changes myself to comply with WP:MOS.

Billy Jack Years You mentioned "depicting a tribe that does not exist, the "Nishnobie." Since Tom is from the Minnesota Wisconsin area, I suspect he was most likely influenced by the tribal name of the peoples who populate the great lakes region; the Anishnaabe, or as said in some dialects Nishnabe. — Preceding unsigned comment added by 99.150.165.202 (talk) 05:35, 12 December 2011 (UTC)

Media review

• There isn't any media in the article. Though not mandatory, have you tried looking for a free image on Flickr of Laughlin?

General comments

• Using the dablinks finder tool, I found three links that lead to disambiguation pages: AIP, Mount St. Mary's and Remission. These should be linked to the correct articles.
• Using the Checklinks tool, I found that: [1] is too small of a file, which probably means it doesn't cite anything; that [2] redirects to [3] (which should be fixed).
• None of the references seem to be formatted corrected. Please format the references using the proper citation template.
• What makes the following websites reliable sources?
  • YouTube
  • filmfanatic.org
  • Answers.com
  • viewpoints.com
  • houseofselfindulgence.blogspot.com
  • critcononline.com
  • movieactors.com
  • badmovies.org
  • jabootu.com
  • captainsquartersblog.com
  • democraticunderground.com/discuss
• This article needs a thorough copy-edit. I'd also suggest taking this article to be peer reviewed, to get additional help and comments from uninvolved editors.

Result

Unfortunately, I am quick-failing this article. There are several issues that I noted above in the article, which may take excessive time (beyond the traditional seven-day hold), mainly huge gaps missing in his biography and the fact that it's a bit poorly written. You may renominate this article for WP:GAN any time after the issue above have been addressed. If you feel that this review was incorrect, feel free to leave a note on my talk page or have the article reviewed at WP:GAR. Thank you. — Σxplicit 02:42, 15 June 2009 (UTC)