Talk:Shimizu S-Pulse/GA1

GA Review

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I'll be reviewing this article shortly. Ealdgyth - Talk 12:55, 7 April 2009 (UTC)

GA review (see here for criteria)

1. It is reasonably well written.

   a (prose): b (MoS):

2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.

   a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):

3. It is broad in its coverage.

   a (major aspects): b (focused):

4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.

   Fair representation without bias:

5. It is stable.

   No edit wars etc.:

6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.

   a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):

7. Overall:

   Pass/Fail:

Specific concerns

• LARGE sections unreferenced. Including sections with opinion that need to be attributed. Examples only:
  • "The west of the prefecture was already home to the company team of Yamaha Motor Corporation who played in the Japan Soccer League and who would later go on to form Júbilo Iwata, but it was believed there was room for another team for the football-hungry population."
  • "This was a beginning which made them unique among the founding clubs of the J. League, with all others ex-company teams turned professional."
  • "In common with other J. League teams, S-Pulse have a colourful and noisy collection of supporters who follow the team around the country."
  • "As such, it wasn't able to enjoy the financial backing and security of other clubs."
  • "The most common reason for moving games is the restrictively low capacity of Nihondaira."
  • "This has remained a bone of contention between long standing fans."
• Unencylopedic prose: Examples only again:
  • "... the wheels were put in motion to create a team to represent the east of the prefecture..."
  • "... another team for the football-hungry population..."
  • "However, the dream start ended with defeat at the hands...."
  • "Finally, in 1996 the team got their hands on the trophy..."
  • "Alongside off-field factors, S-Pulse and Júbilo are locked in a perpetual struggle for supremacy on the field."
  • "... despite demand for tickets far outstripping supply..."
• Manual of Style issues:
  • The "Competitions record" section should have some prose or you need to just put the record in the see also section
  • We don't capitalize every word in the subheadings, so "Professional Football Comes to Shimizu" should be "Professional football comes to Shimizu", etc.
  • References - you have bare urls in the notes and some references are missing last access dates
  • WP:Easter egg links such as [[#League history|every year]] in the lead or the various [[J League 2005|2005]] are frowned on, as they are misleading to the reader, they don't get what they are expecting when they clickon the link.
  • No need for spaces between your text and your footnotes.
• Prose concerns: Examples only
  • Lead:
    • "Formed as recently as 1991,..." Reads odd.
    • "This was a beginning which made them unique among the founding clubs of the J. League, with all others ex-company teams turned professional." Convoluted, need to rephrase to make it clearer
  • "... a date which is celebrated as the clubs memorial birthday." Memorial birthday? Just birthday is fine.
  • "A supporter band is present at games home and away to help galvanise support and raise the decibel levels." Convoluted again.
  • "Despite their relatively short history, S-Pulse have had some impact on popular culture beyond football." Should be "has had"
  • Lots and lots of passive voice. It makes the prose feel stilted.
  • "However, over their J. League history S-Pulse have, for various reasons such as construction works to enlarge Nihondaira, staged home games at a number of different sports grounds." convoluted
  • "The most common reason for moving games is the restrictively low capacity of Nihondaira." restrictively low is awkward...rephrase
  • "Located near the famous Miho no Matsubara, are S-Pulse's main training facilities." Don't believe it needs the comma.
• WP:Peacocky terms. Examples:
  • "... one of the most prolific and consistent performers..."
  • "... give opportunities to the wealth of footballing talent..."
  • "For such a fiercely contested derby..."
  • "Located near the famous Miho no Matsubara..."
  • "S-Pulse share Shizuoka Prefecture with fierce local rivals Júbilo Iwata."
• I'm not sure what importance the "club catchphrase" is. Seems an unneeded level of detail
• I'm not sure we need the current roster either. WP:Recentism is a concern
• What makes the folowing sources reliable?
  • http://www.wldcup.com
  • http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0882758/fullcredits#cast/
  • http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0882758/fullcredits#cast/
  • http://www.geocities.jp/s_pee5/uni/pic/em1.jpg
• Current ref 12 needs to note it is in Japanese
• Current ref 21 needs to note it is in Japanese

Normally, I'd quick fail this article on the referencing issues alone. Given that you'd waited so long for a review, I'm not going to, but I have my doubts about the ability to fix all of these issues in the next 7 days. However, I've put the nomination on hold for seven days. Feel free to contact me on my talk page, or here with any concerns, and let me know one of those places when the issues have been addressed. If I may suggest that you strike out, check mark, or otherwise mark the items I've detailed, that will make it possible for me to see what's been addressed, and you can keep track of what's been done and what still needs to be worked on. Ealdgyth - Talk 13:33, 7 April 2009 (UTC)