Talk:SS Vernon/GA1

Latest comment: 3 years ago by The Rambling Man in topic GA Review

GA Review

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 10:12, 6 March 2021 (UTC)Reply


Comments

  • It would be far more useful to link "freighter" than "American".
  • " on October 29, 1887 near Two Rivers, Wisconsin with" commas after 1887 and Wisconsin.
  • I'm surprised by the order of the lead. I would imagine I'd learn a bit about its service before I learnt about its demise.
  • " of Detroit, Michigan. She was sold to Pridgeon as compensation" -> " of Detroit, Michigan, to whom she was sold as compensation"
  • Consider linking barge.
  • And "charter".
  • Probably only needs three paras in the lead for an article of this size, maximum.
  • "Official number 161557" what is that?
  • "spared no expense" not enyclopedic.
  • " lounge. She cost" looks like these two sentences need to be merged.
  • I would add inflation to that figure too so we know what it means in the context of 2021.
  • What's a "draft" in this context?
  • "when compared narrow beam," I literally don't understand this.
  • " August 29, 1886 near " comma after year.
  • "in the Duluth - Port Arthur, Ontario" I'd expect an unspaced en-dash here.
  • What are " scow barges "?
  • " to Pridgeon on July 22, 1887, as Pridgeon " repetitive.
  • "; she was" -> "and was"
  • "Chicago, Illinois for Cheboygan, Michigan on" commas after the states.
  • "October 20, 1887 under" comma aftere 1887.
  • 3:00 AM --> 3:00 a.m. etc.
  • " Leeland, Michigan at" comma after Michigan.
  • "Vernon proceeded to leave Frankfort," -> "Vernon left Frankfort,"
  • Don't think you need to link common words like "potato".
  • " and general merchandise"->" and other general merchandise"
  • "she stopped at"->"where she stopped".
  • "The high death toll" no need for "high", that's self-evident.
  • "November 7" year?
  • In "Vernon today" section, Milwaukee and Two Rivers overlinked (twice).
  • Ref 10 should be pp. 7–8
  • Ref 23 should be pp. 10–11
  • Spaced hyphens in the sources should be spaced en-dashes per MOS.

That's it on a first review, so it's on hold. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!) 13:28, 6 March 2021 (UTC)Reply