Talk:Rick Suder/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: LunaEatsTuna (talk · contribs) 00:10, 1 August 2023 (UTC)

Will review. ツ LunaEatsTuna (💬)— 00:10, 1 August 2023 (UTC)

On hold; over to you! ツ LunaEatsTuna (💬)— 23:41, 1 August 2023 (UTC)

I am satisfied with the changes made and can now confidently pass this great article for GA status. Congrats! ツ LunaEatsTuna (💬)— 16:41, 18 August 2023 (UTC)

Copyvio check

Earwig says good to go. No concerns from me either.

Prose

• What is the source for his birthdate estimate and height in the infobox?
  • Height from this-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 23:27, 16 August 2023 (UTC)
  • I think his age is roughly estimated from the time he transitioned from high school to college.--TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 23:37, 16 August 2023 (UTC)
• The lead could be massively improved; several sentences begin with "He". Try to connect sentences together where applicable and alternate between "he" and his last name to avoid redundancy.
  • Ok.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 23:40, 16 August 2023 (UTC)
• In § Early life, I would lead with his full name as its his first mention in the body. Also:
  • Done-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 23:41, 16 August 2023 (UTC)
• Could his birthdate perhaps be incorporated?
  • If I knew it.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 23:42, 16 August 2023 (UTC)
• What is "a Five-Star Camp"?
  • Not important and probably a distraction.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 04:39, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
• "Center High School (Monaca, Pennsylvania)" – recommend "Center High School in Monaca, Pennsylvania" as standard. Also:
  • OK.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 23:47, 16 August 2023 (UTC)
• I would make it "… in Monaca, Pennsylvania—which merged into Central Valley High School in 2010—before …" for better flow.
  • Thx.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 23:49, 16 August 2023 (UTC)
• "According to the Beaver County, Sports Hall of Fame" – is a comma needed here? Same for § Legacy.
  • Thx for pointing this out.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 03:50, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
• "… set two months earlier (December 10, 1983)" – "… on December 10, 1983" reads better.
  • OK.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 03:53, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
• "commenced involving four suspended black players on the team" – why does it mention their race??
  • Removed.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 04:12, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
• "following a rape trial" – should it not be the rape trial?
  • Sure.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 04:15, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
• "with (Blaney, Martin, Blake and Barry Mungar)" – remove parentheses.
  • Moved paren to (with.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 04:18, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
• "which was filed February 9, 2009" – remove the year since it was just mentioned.
  • OK.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 04:21, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
• "two having National Basketball Association playing experience" – how about "two having experience playing for the National Basketball Association" instead?
  • OK.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 04:24, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
• "and who is notable" – is who needed here? Forgive me if this is standard in American English, which I do not speak.
  • Optional/removed.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 04:29, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
• "His son Peter, was" – recommend "His son, Peter, was" or remove the comma entirely.
  • Thx.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 04:32, 17 August 2023 (UTC)

Refs

Passes spotcheck.

Others

• Short description should go at the very top.
  • Moved from 3rd line to 1st line.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 04:34, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
• In external links, capitalise College stats.
  • Done-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 04:32, 17 August 2023 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.