Talk:Richard J. Daronco/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 11:21, 9 March 2020 (UTC)

Comments

• "in Pelham, New York by " comma after NY.
  • Done. Ergo Sum 00:33, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
• I'm not 100% sure I know what a "tile setter" is?
  • It appears to be an uncommon variant of "tiler". It is how the source refers to him, but I've changed it to "tiler". Ergo Sum 00:46, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
• "Daronco married in 1957," any information to whom?
  • Found the name. I added it, but hesitated for a moment over WP:NOTPUBLICFIGURE. Ergo Sum 00:44, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
• " and had five children" with his wife...
  • Clarified. Ergo Sum 00:46, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
• Any info on how he went from private practice to getting elected two years later?
  • Not really. I don't find any source that comments on it, which is fairly understandable, since that was a pretty low-level, local elected position. Often, those elected to it had no prior government experience. Ergo Sum 00:47, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
• "outside New York City in 1983" already linked NYC in previous section.
  • Removed link. Ergo Sum 00:48, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
• "administering the 450 courts outside New York City" perhaps "outside the city" rather than repeat NYC.
  • Done. Ergo Sum 00:48, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
• I strive hard to avoid single-sentence paras, any chance here?
  • I'm usually with you on that. Here, though, the subject matter of the two paragraphs are so dissimilar and there's really nothing to add to that one-sentence paragraph. If you think it'd be best to merge them, though, I wouldn't object. Ergo Sum 00:50, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
• Preceding trial section has five short paras, I think it would suit a merger perhaps into two larger paras? It doesn't have the feel of your other articles which flow quite smoothly.
  • I've combined some of the paragraphs. Ergo Sum 00:51, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
• Not sure we need to link "affair".
  • Removed. Ergo Sum 00:51, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
• "and instead sought $2.5 million." why no ref?
  • Woops, lost the ref when I split up the paragraphs. Fixed. Ergo Sum 00:55, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
• Also not sure we need to link "security camera".
  • Removed. Ergo Sum 00:56, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
• Or "telephone book".
  • Removed. Although, I suspect younger generations might disagree. Ergo Sum 00:56, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
• "On May 20, Charles .." perhaps "The day after..."?
  • I hesitate, because two sentences later, I say "the following afternoon." Might lose the readers. Ergo Sum 00:58, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
• "in Bath, Pennsylvania to" comma after Penn.
  • Done. Ergo Sum 00:58, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
• "Daronco attempted ... Daronco attempted" repetitive.
  • Rephrased. Ergo Sum 00:58, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
• "he collapsed and died. Meanwhile, his wife, daughter, and a friend were in another part of the house. Hearing the gunshots, his wife entered the kitchen and found Koster chasing Daronco into the house.[" chronology is a little off here. He's already dead yet then his wife finds him being chased?
  • Right. Fixed the timeline. Ergo Sum 00:59, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
• "three federal judges to be killed in the" in office seems an important differentiator here.
  • I don't know of any who were killed in the 20th century outside of office, but there very well may be. Clarified. Ergo Sum 01:00, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
• "who said that he intended to "... and... did he?
  • I found the subsequent bill that was signed into law. Ergo Sum 01:14, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
• "In his memory" -> "In Daronco's memory"
  • Done. Ergo Sum 01:01, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
• Ref 13 needs a spaced en-dash, not spaced hyphen.
  • Fixed. Ergo Sum 01:02, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
• Sucbox should be in chronological order.
  • Fixed. Ergo Sum 01:02, 10 March 2020 (UTC)

That's my first set of comments. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 19:42, 9 March 2020 (UTC)

@The Rambling Man: Thank you for your thorough comments. Ergo Sum 01:15, 10 March 2020 (UTC)

Always a pleasure, promoted. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 19:20, 10 March 2020 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.