Talk:Pilot (The Flash)/GA1

Latest comment: 2 years ago by Bilorv in topic GA Review

GA Review

edit

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Bilorv (talk · contribs) 19:37, 23 February 2022 (UTC)Reply


A well-developed article close to GA standard, with no major missing areas. I know nothing about superhero topics and I still found the article reasonably simple to follow, so it's written well for a general audience. I've still got a couple of things left to check—image use and spotchecks of sources—but here is my feedback (mostly nitpicks and copyedits):

On prose, I'm seeing some misuse of commas. A nested clause needs commas both at the start and end of the clause; comma splicing is when you join two independent clauses with a comma (they should be two different sentences, or joined with a semicolon); and commas are needed before verbs like "giving" or "describing". I'll point the issues I saw throughout.

Lead

edit
  • spin-off of Arrow, where many of the characters in The Flash were introduced during its second season – The "where ... its" construction reads a little oddly. Maybe "spin-off of Arrow; many of the characters ..." would work better.
  • On the night of the launch of a particle accelerator would be simpler as "On the night that a particle accelerator launches".
  • A backdoor pilot was ordered in July 2013, however, The CW executives, impressed by early cuts ... – I think this is a comma splice, at the word "however". You could split into two sentences or use a different connective (e.g. ... in July 2013, but The CW executives, impressed by early cuts ...).
  • behind the pilot episode of The Vampire Diaries broadcast in 2009 – This nested clause should end in a comma.
  • after a week of its release doesn't quite make sense: "a week after its release" would be better.

Plot

edit
  • MOS:TVPLOT gives a word limit of 400, whereas this is around 450, so it needs cutting down. If that makes some of the below redundant then ignore them.
  • ... specifically a lightning storm in which his mother was murdered by a yellow blur and his father falsely imprisoned for the crime – I presume that his father wasn't imprisoned in the lightning storm, so rephrasing may be needed. Maybe ... recounting his youth, in which his mother was murdered by a yellow blur in a lightning storm, and his father was wrongly imprisoned for the crime.
  • However, the particle accelerator explodes – I don't follow why this is a "However" (what does it clash with in the previous sentence?).
  • Barry unsuccessfully tried to stop him, though he was able to identify him and his superhuman powers – Why is this bit in past tense? We should generally be in present tense for plot summaries.
  • The newspaper date of 2024 is mentioned, but it's not obvious to me when the rest of the episode is set.

Production

edit

(No issues with Release.)

Reception

edit

Optional comments

edit

These aren't required for the GA criteria, but may improve the article.

Bilorv (talk) 19:37, 23 February 2022 (UTC)Reply