Talk:Paparazzi (Girls' Generation song)/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Cartoon network freak (talk · contribs) 14:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)

Hello, I'm Cartoon network freak and here's my review for this article:

Lead

• "Paparazzi" is a Japanese song recorded by South Korean girl group Girls' Generation for their second Japanese studio album, Girls & Peace (2012). -> "Paparazzi" is a song recorded in Japanese language by South Korean girl group Girls' Generation for their sophomore studio album, Girls & Peace (2012).

•  Not done — Changed the first clause, but is "sophomore" really makes the article better? I mean, this is only GA, so the term "second studio album" is acceptable

• Unlink lead single

•  Done

• Miles Walker, "Paparazzi" was described as an electropop and R&B song. -> Miles Walker, the track was named an electropop and R&B recording.

•  Not done — "described" is acceptable

• and Hey! Hey! Hey! Music Champ. A music video for the song directed by Toshiyuki Suzuki premiered on June 10, 2012. -> and Hey! Hey! Hey! Music Champ, while a music video directed by Toshiyuki Suzuki premiered on June 10, 2012 in order to accompany the release of "Paparazzi".
• previous Japanese single "Mr. Taxi" in 2011.-> previous Japanese-language single, "Mr. Taxi" (2011).

•  Done

• It was -> The track was

•  Done — But I still don't get why "It" is not suitable

• The single was -> Furthermore, the single was

•  Not done — The two sentences do not have any link with each other

• Japan, peaking -> Japan, with it peaking

•  Not done — could you explain more why "peaking" only is not suitable? I don't get it

• two on the -> two on both the

•  Done

• It received certifications from the Recording Industry Association of Japan on two bases–physical sales (gold) and digital download (gold). -> "Paparazzi" was certified Gold in Japan for the sales of the single's digital and physical release, respectively.

•  Done — Simon (talk) 10:51, 16 May 2016 (UTC)

Recording and release

• "Paparazzi" is a Japanese song described as a hybrid of electropop and R&B. -> "Paparazzi" is a song recorded in Japanese language, which was described as a hybrid of electropop and R&B.

•  Done

• Unlink "Japanese language"

•  Done

• Becker, and produced by American producer Miles Walker. -> Becker, while production was handled by American producer Miles Walker

•  Done

• The song was released -> The track was released (you've already used "song" before)

•  Done

• If you say "Japanese song", it sounds like the recording has an identity; change it to "Japanese language"

•  Done

• studio album Girls & Peace -> studio album, Girls & Peace (2012)

•  Done

• "Paparazzi" was also released in Hong Kong, Taiwan, and South Korea in mid-2012 -> The release of "Paparazzi" as well reached Hong Kong...

•  Done

Promotion

• the group dressed -> the group was dressed

• Y Changed to "wore"

• connect the two paragraphs

•  Done

• The music video -> An accompanying music video

•  Done Yet I still think "accompanying" is superfluous

• performing the choreography -> performing a choreography

•  Done

• Girls' Generation. The show begins -> Girls' Generation, with the show beginning

•  Not done I used semicolon instead

• They dance in-> Subsequently, the band dance sporting

•  Not done "Subsequently"? It doesn't fit here

• outfits–the -> outfits – the

•  Done

• Remove "the" in both cases for the outfits

•  Done

• routines as -> routines for their

•  Done

Reception

• Unlink music critics here and in the lead; do the same with certified gold in the lead

•  Not done I don't know why they should be unlinked

• Hadfield writing for the Tokyo edition of Time Out compared -> Hadfield, writing for the Tokyo edition of Time Out, compared

•  Done

• previous Japanese single -> the same as above

•  Done

• single "Mr. Taxi" (2011) and -> single, "Mr. Taxi" (2011), and

•  Not done I did change the sentence but not as above

• the 2011 single -> the latter single

•  Done

• Connect all three paragraphs

•  Not done Why? Three different ideas are presented and there is no connection between them

• was a commercial -> remained a commercial

•  Not done What's wrong with "was"?

• Japan. It debuted -> Japan, debuting

•  Done

• Oricon Singles Chart on the chart issue dated -> Oricon Singles Chart issued for

•  Not done The current wording is fine for me

• physical copies of 2012 on the Oricon chart, selling selling 136,181 copies. -> physical release of 2012 on the Oricon chart, with it bringing total sales of 136,181 shipments

•  Done

• rose to the -> rose up to the

•  Done

• It ranked [...] on the year-end chart of 2012.-> "Paparazzi" ranked at [...] on that chart's year-end chart of 2012.; you've already used "it" before

•  Done

• It also charted -> The track as well charted

•  Done

• number five -> at number five

•  Not done the preposition "at" was already included beforehand

• on the -> remove "the"

•  Not done similar to "the Billboard Hot 100", "the Billboard Japan Hot 100" etc.

• and number two -> and at number two

•  Not done As above

• sold 103,000 -> sold a total of 103,000

•  Not done Superfluous. — Simon (talk) 13:33, 17 May 2016 (UTC)

Credits and personnel

• Credits adapted from "Paparazzi" CD liner notes -> Credits adapted from the CD issue's liner notes

Charts

• U.S. -> US

•  Done

Release history

• Unlink digital download, CD & DVD; its overfous
• The catalog number section is not really needed and remains, as well, overflous

•  Done — Simon (talk)

• @HĐ: Outcome: On-hold for 7 days. Good luck! -Cartoon network freak (talk) 13:44, 16 May 2016 (UTC)

• Thank you so much for the review. Though some points to me are quite superfluous, the review is very appreciated. Best regards, — Simon (talk) 13:36, 17 May 2016 (UTC)

@HĐ: Passing the article! Congratulations... Cartoon network freak (talk) 14:56, 17 May 2016 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.