Talk:Khalil Mack/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Lee Vilenski (talk · contribs) 07:41, 7 May 2020 (UTC)

Hello, I am planning on reviewing this article for GA Status, over the next couple of days. Thank you for nominating the article for GA status. I hope I will learn some new information, and that my feedback is helpful.

If nominators or editors could refrain from updating the particular section that I am updating until it is complete, I would appreciate it to remove a edit conflict. Please address concerns in the section that has been completed above (If I've raised concerns up to references, feel free to comment on things like the lede.)

I generally provide an overview of things I read through the article on a first glance. Then do a thorough sweep of the article after the feedback is addressed. After this, I will present the pass/failure. I will use strikethrough tags when concerns are met. Even if something is obvious why my concern is met, please leave a message as courtesy.

Best of luck! you can also use the {{done}} tag to state when something is addressed. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)}

Please let me know after the review is done, if you were happy with the review! Obviously this is regarding the article's quality, however, I want to be happy and civil to all, so let me know if I have done a good job, regardless of the article's outcome.

Immediate Failures

• It is a long way from meeting any one of the six good article criteria -
• It contains copyright infringements -
• It has, or needs, cleanup banners that are unquestionably still valid. These include{{cleanup}}, {{POV}}, {{unreferenced}} or large numbers of {{citation needed}}, {{clarify}}, or similar tags. (See also {{QF-tags}}). -
• It is not stable due to edit warring on the page. -

Prose

Lede

Sorry about the delay on this one. Here's some thoughts:

• American football outside linebacker - WP:SEAOFBLUE. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 14:09, 15 May 2020 (UTC)
• Where is his DOB/POB sourced? Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 14:09, 15 May 2020 (UTC)
• for the Chicago Bears of the National Football League (NFL) - recentism. He plays for them now, but it's only been two years. Perhaps say he is a linebacker in the NFL. He currently plays... Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 14:09, 15 May 2020 (UTC)
• Mack holds the all-time NCAA record - when did he do this? Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 14:09, 15 May 2020 (UTC)
• selected first-team All-Pro at two different positions - All-Pro needs some sort of link or explaination. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 14:09, 15 May 2020 (UTC)
• as does defensive end. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 14:09, 15 May 2020 (UTC)
• and signed a six-year, US$141 million extension, signed a $141 million six-year extension. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 14:09, 15 May 2020 (UTC)
• dominant - Unless this is a quote, don't use this word. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 14:09, 15 May 2020 (UTC)

General

• high school sweethearts Yolanda, a teacher, and Sandy Mack Sr., a program specialist, in Fort Pierce, Florida. - They could have met in a zoo, and it wouldn't be relevant. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 14:20, 15 May 2020 (UTC)
• He has two brothers, Sandy, Jr. and LeDarius. - move to personal life. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 14:20, 15 May 2020 (UTC)
• Mack attended Fort Pierce Westwood High School in Fort Pierce - implied. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 14:20, 15 May 2020 (UTC)
• He had played quarterback and was nicknamed "Bombshell Man." - what? This needs explaination, and quarterback needs a link. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 14:20, 15 May 2020 (UTC)
• linebacker link. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 14:20, 15 May 2020 (UTC)
• However, throwing the ball short was a major struggle for Mack so he became a linebacker. did he say this. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 14:20, 15 May 2020 (UTC)
• link scholarship Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 14:20, 15 May 2020 (UTC)
• So jargon is an issue in sports articles. "In his senior year, Mack had 140 tackles, including eight for a loss, and nine sacks." - if you are going to chuck out jargon, you need to explain what something is on first use. Tackles is easy enough to ignore, but what is "for a loss", and what's a "sack", if you aren't familiar? Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 14:20, 15 May 2020 (UTC)
  • Also to ^^^ Keep number style consistent in a string per MOS:NUM. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 14:20, 15 May 2020 (UTC)
• He was named third-team All-State in Florida, as well as first-team All-Area, and helped lead the Panthers to a district championship. - some of these things need links (All-). Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 14:20, 15 May 2020 (UTC)
• rivals.com Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 14:20, 15 May 2020 (UTC)
• After redshirting as a freshman in 2009, - what? Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 14:20, 15 May 2020 (UTC)
• You've linked MAC, but should say the acronym out on first use. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 14:20, 15 May 2020 (UTC)
• e totaled 68 tackles, including 14 and a half for loss, four and a half sacks, ten pass breakups, eight quarterback hurries, and two forced fumbles - what are these things? Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 14:20, 15 May 2020 (UTC)
• half for loss (third best in the nation), - if this is notable, say it. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 14:20, 15 May 2020 (UTC)
• Is Fred Lee non-notable? Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 14:20, 15 May 2020 (UTC)
• Why are some stats in brackets, whilst some in prose? Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 14:20, 15 May 2020 (UTC)

GA Review

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

1. It is reasonably well written.

   a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):

2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.

   a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism):

3. It is broad in its coverage.

   a (major aspects): b (focused):

4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.

   Fair representation without bias:

5. It is stable.

   No edit wars, etc.:

6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.

   a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):

7. Overall:

   Pass/Fail:

Comments

• Automated note - If you fancy returning the favour, I have outstanding GA nominations that require reviewing at WP:GAN. I'd be very grateful if you were to complete one of these, however it's definitely not mandatory. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)}

Ejgreen77 have you got time to look at some of the above from the first pass?Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 21:22, 19 May 2020 (UTC)

As this has been up for quite a few days without any comments, I'm going to fail this one. If you'd like to denominate, take a look at the above, and repost at WP:GAN Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 18:59, 22 May 2020 (UTC)