Talk:Hi-Tek incident/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: GhostRiver (talk · contribs) 16:17, 11 October 2021 (UTC)

I will be reviewing this! — GhostRiver 16:17, 11 October 2021 (UTC)

Thanks! Feel free to share any other advice that you have. I hope this can become a FA in due time. MSG17 (talk) 16:26, 11 October 2021 (UTC)

Good Article review progress box Criteria: 1a. prose () 1b. MoS () 2a. ref layout () 2b. cites WP:RS () 2c. no WP:OR () 2d. no WP:CV () 3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4. neutral () 5. stable () 6a. free or tagged images () 6b. pics relevant () Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed

Infobox and lede

• Comma needed after the Vietnamese definition
• "A climax was reached" → "The conflict reached its climax" for active voice
• WL video piracy
• an important turning point in what? Maybe Vietnamese American history?
• Reading through the body, it's not immediately clear what this growing generation rift is, as the youth participation speaks more to generational solidarity, and the rift came later
  • Done. I think I am going to do more research on the generation gap in the community (it looks like it might have played a role in intra-community tensions before Hi-Tek). MSG17 (talk) 00:39, 17 October 2021 (UTC)

Background

• "Communist" is inconsistently capitalized throughout the first paragraph; it's lowercase until the sentence beginning "These tensions burst into violence"
• "but protests became common in the 1990s as Vietnamese American communities became more established in the United States to fight any form of influence" → "but in the 1990s, as Vietnamese American communities became more established in the United States, protests became common to fight any form of influence"
• "In 1989 he left the group," → "He left the group in 1989"
• "later, in 1999," → "ten years later,"
• "with his observation of improving living conditions there causing" → "where his observations of improved living conditions there caused"
• "hot debate in the Vietnamese American community" (I presume)
  • Done. Going with lowercase c for "communist", since it's used in most of the article. MSG17 (talk) 00:39, 17 October 2021 (UTC)

Events

• Comma after "January 17, 1999" per MOS:DATECOMMA
• I don't believe "center" needs to be in quotes, as it's a general term with no obvious paraphrased alternative
• "and he had to go to the hospital" → "and he was hospitalized"
• "and talking about" → "and sharing"
• No comma needed after "sued for the removal of the display"
• "the police escorted him" → "the police escorted Trường"
• Once again WL video piracy for the first instance in the body
• "biggest rally so far" → "largest rally to date"
• "raided Hi-Tek Video and seized thousands of tapes and hundreds of VCRs in addition to looking for evidence of a break-in" → "raided Hi-Tek Video, seizing thousands of tapes and hundreds of VCRs while looking for evidence of a break-in"
  • Done. Changed biggest rally so far to largest rally held during the protests because I don't know about other protests and their sizes that were held in the area or among the Viet-Am community. MSG17 (talk) 19:17, 11 October 2021 (UTC)

    @MSG17: This source from 2014 asserts that it's the largest ever in Vietnamese-American history. DHN (talk) 20:29, 11 October 2021 (UTC)

Thanks. I'll check it out, looks like it has some other information and perspectives. MSG17 (talk) 00:39, 17 October 2021 (UTC)

Reactions

• ""everyone does the same thing."" → ""everyone does the same thing"." per MOS:LQ
• Remove spaces between ellipses in the quotes per MOS:ELLIPSIS
• "leading to most supporting" → "and most supported"
• "such as first-time protestors and people with a more "moderate" stance that still wanted to do business with Vietnam as well as the aforementioned youth." → "in addition to the aforementioned youth, first-time protestors and those with a more "moderate" stance that still wanted to do business with Vietnam were in attendance."
• "Another effect was that different groups in the community felt more united;" → "The diversity of protestors led to an increased sense of unity among different groups in the community"
• Is "mainstream society" your quote or someone else's?
  • It is quoted from Ha (2002, p. 44).
• Vietnamese-American has a hyphen in the third para; everywhere else used a space
• "were particularly disapproving" → "particularly disapproved"
• "deciding against him using the "public nuisance" argument" → "using the "public nuisance" argument against him"
• "and suspected his motives" → "and was suspicious of his motives"
• Comma after "The costs of the protests were another factor"
• "led to the police force being particularly criticized" → "led to heavy criticism of the local police force"
• Rather than a semicolon, start a new sentence at "all of this", as the current sentence is three lines long and contains lots of thoughts
• "with the Washington D.C. Embassy" → "with the embassy in Washington, D.C."
  • Responded. For the fourth point, I changed it to including the aforementioned youth, first-time protestors and those with a more "moderate" stance that still wanted to do business with Vietnam. Also did some more minor prose modifications. MSG17 (talk) 16:33, 20 October 2021 (UTC)

Aftermath and long-term developments

• "he gave up" → "he ultimately relented"
• "after attempting to organize a "press conference" to oppose a resolution passed by the city of Garden Grove that ended" → "after the "press conference" that he had attempted to organize in opposition of a resolution passed by the city of Garden Grove ended"
• Mention the year that this press conference occurred, as the next sentence starts with "the next year"
  • Done. Also added what the resolution was about and changed the sentence structure a bit to make it easier to follow and less of a mouthful. MSG17 (talk) 00:36, 14 October 2021 (UTC)

References

• Change "SPECIAL REPORT" in the LA Times ref to "Special Report" per MOS:ALLCAPS
  • Done MSG17 (talk) 19:15, 12 October 2021 (UTC)

General comments

• All images are relevant and are properly licensed
• Per MOS:CAPTION, periods should be removed from the two captions that have them, as the caps are not full sentences
• No stability concerns in the revision history
• Earwig score is a little high, but that's because of a reference name and an attributed direct quote

I can certainly say that I learned a lot reading this! Most of my comments relate to sharpening of prose and use of tense, so might be worth looking over the article again generally to see other areas where you find room for improvement, especially if you plan to take this to FAC. In the meantime, putting on hold. — GhostRiver 16:57, 11 October 2021 (UTC)

Alright, sorry for the wait. Everything looks good now, marking as a pass! — GhostRiver 01:45, 25 October 2021 (UTC)