Talk:Haseeb Ahsan/GA2
Latest comment: 10 years ago by Sahara4u in topic GA Review
GA Review
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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 15:20, 2 March 2014 (UTC)
Comments
- Suggest image in info box is made smaller to alleviate the obvious artefacts of compression.
- Done. —Zia Khan 14:44, 7 March 2014 (UTC)
- Don't link Pakistan and Pakistani in the opening sentence to different things. Perhaps unlink the first altogether.
- Unlinked the 1st one. —Zia Khan 14:44, 7 March 2014 (UTC)
- "including 2 five-wicket" -> two.
- Done. —Zia Khan 14:44, 7 March 2014 (UTC)
- "at the average" just "at an average" is fine.
- Done. —Zia Khan 14:44, 7 March 2014 (UTC)
- "Ahsan never got married throughout his life." seems like an odd thing to include in the lead.
- Removed. —Zia Khan 14:44, 7 March 2014 (UTC)
- "ended up his" -> "resulted in the premature end of his"
- Done. —Zia Khan 14:44, 7 March 2014 (UTC)
- Expand PIA before using the abbreviation.
- Done. —Zia Khan 14:44, 7 March 2014 (UTC)
- National side in info box, just Pakistan, not Pakistani, is fine.
- Done. —Zia Khan 14:44, 7 March 2014 (UTC)
- "during 1955–63" -> "between 1955 and 1963".
- Done. —Zia Khan 14:44, 7 March 2014 (UTC)
- "against the Marylebone..."
- Done. —Zia Khan 14:44, 7 March 2014 (UTC)
- "43 wickets playing nine matches" wickets in nine matches.
- Done. —Zia Khan 14:44, 7 March 2014 (UTC)
- "scored historic 337 runs" why historic?
- Removed "historic". —Zia Khan 14:44, 7 March 2014 (UTC)
- "He conceded 84 runs in 21 overs without taking a wicket.[8][9] He took five of his wickets in three Tests against the West Indies.[10]" reads odd sequentially, needs rephrase.
- Rephrased. —Zia Khan 14:44, 7 March 2014 (UTC)
- "only managed 14 wickets in the next two" -> "took only 14 wickets..."
- Done. —Zia Khan 14:44, 7 March 2014 (UTC)
- "the Sargodha" who or what is this?
- That was a Pakistani domestic team at that time. Fixed. —Zia Khan 14:44, 7 March 2014 (UTC)
- "He played his last Test at the National Stadium" would add "in Karachi" because there are plenty of "National Stadium"s out there.
- Done. —Zia Khan 14:44, 7 March 2014 (UTC)
- "at the average of nearly 50" -> an average.
- Done. —Zia Khan 14:44, 7 March 2014 (UTC)
- "As an administrator" -> "Administrative career"
- Done. —Zia Khan 14:44, 7 March 2014 (UTC)
- "a powerful selector, spotted young talent" -> "a powerful selector, [who] spotted young talent"
- Done. —Zia Khan 14:44, 7 March 2014 (UTC)
- "remained 1987 Cricket World Cup Technical Committee's chairman" not sure "remained" is right here.
- Rephrased. —Zia Khan 14:44, 7 March 2014 (UTC)
- Is that the really the link you want for Counsel General?
- Of course not, not sure where to link this? —Zia Khan 14:44, 7 March 2014 (UTC)
- "Described by his colleague as a "perfect administrator".[21]" Not a complete sentence.
- Done. —Zia Khan 14:44, 7 March 2014 (UTC)
- "Though Ahsan never got married throughout his life, his friends and colleagues remember him with great fondness" I don't see how these two facts are linked at all.
- Fixed. —Zia Khan 14:44, 7 March 2014 (UTC)
- Link "called for throwing" appropriately.
- Done. —Zia Khan 14:44, 7 March 2014 (UTC)
- "ended up his" no need for "up".
- Removed. —Zia Khan 14:44, 7 March 2014 (UTC)
- " from Renal failure for two " no need for capital R.
- Done. —Zia Khan 14:44, 7 March 2014 (UTC)
Enough for a quick first pass, so I'll put the article on hold for a week and re-review. The Rambling Man (talk) 10:40, 7 March 2014 (UTC)
- Thanks for the review, please have a look now. I think the above issues are now resolved. Regards, —Zia Khan 14:44, 7 March 2014 (UTC)