Talk:Glen Rice Jr./GA1
GA Review
edit| GA toolbox |
|---|
| Reviewing |
Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch
Reviewer: Wizardman (talk · contribs) 18:21, 28 December 2011 (UTC)
I'll review this article shortly. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 18:21, 28 December 2011 (UTC)
Here are my concerns:
- Gainesville Times links to a dab page. Have it link to the Georgia one.
- Fixed.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 21:55, 28 December 2011 (UTC)
- "Rice was the leading returning scorer for the Yellow Jackets as a junior.[1]" The first couple times I read this I thought it meant he was the leading scorer while a junior, but that's what he is now. I'm not sure how to reword it to fix that clarification, since he led the team as a sophomore but is a junior now; maybe reword to '...for the Yellow Jackets after his sophomore season.'
- I thought leading returning scorer was a commonly understood sports phrase, but I will try to refine this.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 23:27, 28 December 2011 (UTC)
- As should be the case with anything in the WP:LEAD, further detail is available in the main body. I think it is O.K. as it is. I have used the phrase in prior GA LEADs.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 23:35, 28 December 2011 (UTC)
- "according to the Marietta Daily Journal" comma after journal
- "As a senior he was an Class" comma after senior, a Class
- Fixed.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 21:58, 28 December 2011 (UTC)
- "that was ranked 21st in the nation and that included" rm second that.
- I think it is grammatically correct either way, but I made the switch.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 22:01, 28 December 2011 (UTC)
- "He started his freshman season on the bench.[15] He played in all but one game for Georgia Tech as a freshman" I'd start the paragraph with Rice, and I'd combine these two sentences.
- "His had season highs for" He had
- "ranked 2nd on the team in terms of minutes," second
- fixed.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 22:21, 28 December 2011 (UTC)
- "and then 28 points" rm then
- "with 11 points and 11 rebounds, but also, he had his first career 4-blocked shot effort " I'd rm comma after also and change to "but also had his first.."
- fixed.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 22:46, 28 December 2011 (UTC)
- "of the season on December 19," rm comma
- Thanks.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 22:29, 28 December 2011 (UTC)
I'm surprised now many issues I found given the length of the article. I'll put it on hold, then I plan to do a second read-through to make sure everything sounds ok, after which I'll ideally pass it. After you do the issues, do another read-through of the article to make sure everything sounds ok to you. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 21:07, 28 December 2011 (UTC)
I read through the article again and everything seems ok alongside the changes you made. As a result, I will pass the article as a GA. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 04:17, 29 December 2011 (UTC)