Talk:Enterprise (NX-01)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Rosiestep (talk · contribs) 03:08, 18 January 2014 (UTC)

I'm going to review this one over the weekend. --Rosiestep (talk) 03:08, 18 January 2014 (UTC)

Thanks. Miyagawa (talk) 11:15, 18 January 2014 (UTC)

Lead

• Star Trek: The Original Series - parens the TOS as later in the article, you refer to it as "TOS", or just don't use TOS later in the article

• I removed the later uses of TOS. Miyagawa (talk) 20:12, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

• wls - hull; refit; attack submarines

• Done. Miyagawa (talk) 20:12, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

• "The interior of the ship was designed by a number of staff members, primarily by Zimmerman." - missing conjunction ('but'?) after the comma

• I added the but. Miyagawa (talk) 20:12, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

• "undergoing a variety of upgrades" - how about "undergoing various upgrades"

• Changed as suggested. Miyagawa (talk) 20:12, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

• "It's missions included an initial period of deep space exploration, following by a mission into the Delphic Expanse following the Xindi attack on Earth and then was instrumental in the formation of the Coalition of Planets with the Vulcans, Andorians and Tellarites." multiple problems here; how about "Its missions included an initial period of deep space exploration and a mission into the Delphic Expanse following the Xindi attack on Earth; it was also instrumental in the formation of the Coalition of Planets with the Vulcans, Andorians and Tellarites."

• Changed as suggested. Miyagawa (talk) 20:12, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

• "The final appearance was in" - how about "occurred in"

• Changed as suggested. Miyagawa (talk) 20:12, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

• "There have been several toys and models released of Enterprise" - clunky

• Reworded. Miyagawa (talk) 20:12, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

Background

• First sentence contains original and originally - can you reword

• I removed the originally - it didn't need it. Miyagawa (talk) 20:12, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

• 2nd, 4th, 3rd version - maybe re-order them?

• I've reordered it a little but left the B until the end - also realised they should have been the 3rd, 4th and 5th versions. Miyagawa (talk) 20:12, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

• "the network"/"they"

• I had a play with it. Miyagawa (talk) 20:12, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

• The Original Series vs TOS - standardize

• Fixed as above. Miyagawa (talk) 20:12, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

Concept and design

• "The original intention for the series was for the entire first season to be based around the construction of the ship before it can be launched. " - clunky

• Trimmed considerably. Miyagawa (talk) 20:12, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

• "The second concept of the vessel was to appear similar in design to" - how about "The second design concept had similarity to"

• I didn't go exactly as suggested, but I've trimmed it. Miyagawa (talk) 20:12, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

Exterior design

• quote box - Ref24 doesn't contain the quote; can you find the right ref. I googled the quote and found it elsewhere; it doesn't have the "it's"/its error. Also, "Except"/excerpt

• Fixed the typo and "excerpt" - it is on the page of the offline source, I just double checked it. Miyagawa (talk) 21:23, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

• "but Drexler referred to is as" - it

• Corrected. Miyagawa (talk) 21:23, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

• "saucer shaped" - hyphenate

• Done. Miyagawa (talk) 21:23, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

• wls - struts; nacelles; CGI; high definition; low resolution/low-res

• Done - high and low res would have both gone to the same article, so I just linked the first. Miyagawa (talk) 21:23, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

• what's a buzzard collector?

• I always thought they were "buzzard" but apparently it is "bussard". Anyway, it is now linked (now that the typo has been fixed). Miyagawa (talk) 21:23, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

• "like the later series. Drexler later thought " - overuse of later

• Removed the second instance. Miyagawa (talk) 21:23, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

• "For the NX-01, it was squashed on the vertical axis" - squashed?

• Changed squashed to "compressed". Miyagawa (talk) 21:23, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

• "This version looked smaller as the windows on the ship were larger than used on the television version, and also had a bronze tint. " - what had a bronze tint, the ship or the windows?

• Clarified to the hull. Miyagawa (talk) 21:23, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

• "Regarding this change in coloration, Drexler later said that he didn't know when the change was made as both he and Zimmerman approved it" - approved what... the prior version or the changed version?

• Prior (clarified in text). Miyagawa (talk) 21:23, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

• "Following this initial usage" paragraph - overuse of "seen"

• I ended up removing all of them - none of them were needed. Miyagawa (talk) 21:23, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

Season 5

• "had gone ahead" - had been produced or occurred

• Changed to your first suggestion. Miyagawa (talk) 21:23, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

• "This would have seen the addition of a secondary hull, and resulted in the ship taking on an appearance closer to the vessels seen" - seen/seen

• Removed the second. Miyagawa (talk) 21:23, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

Interior design

• wls - Space Shuttle (wl here and unlink lower down); Matt Jefferies; transporter

• Done. Miyagawa (talk) 21:23, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

Deep space exploration

• parenthetical commas - after "while in combat with an unknown foe"; "The ship however was launched" (around however)

• Tweaked. Miyagawa (talk) 21:23, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

• weapons systems - weapon systems?

• Fixed. Miyagawa (talk) 21:23, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

• wls - spatial torpedoe; phase cannons (alas, there are lots of non-Trekkies out there who wouldn't know what these are)

• Done - ended up creating redirects to Weapons in Star Trek. Miyagawa (talk) 21:23, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

The Delphic Expanse

• overlink - Xindi

• Fixed. Miyagawa (talk) 21:23, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

• wls - Delphic Expanse; T'Pol

• Done. Miyagawa (talk) 21:23, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

• "During the year-long mission in the expanse" - Expanse

• Done. Miyagawa (talk) 21:23, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

• it's crew - its

• Fixed. Miyagawa (talk) 21:23, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

• moon sized - hyphenate

• Done. Unfortunately they didn't say the immortal words "that's no moon!". Miyagawa (talk) 21:23, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

• "Upon arrival it finds that the events" - (a) comma after arrival; (b) whom does it refer to?

• Clarified and added the comma. Miyagawa (talk) 21:23, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

• 20th Century - 20th century

• Fixed. Miyagawa (talk) 21:23, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

The Coalition of Planets and the Romulan War

• "The episode "Daedalus" saw the " - tense (sees or use some other verb)

• Restructured the sentence. Miyagawa (talk) 21:23, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

• "it's appearance"; "it's decommissioning" - its

• Fixed. Miyagawa (talk) 21:23, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

• Humans - humans

• Fixed. Miyagawa (talk) 21:23, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

• wl - holodeck

• Done. Miyagawa (talk) 21:23, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

• " into orbit of Pluto " - into the orbit of Pluto

• Done. Miyagawa (talk) 21:23, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

Other appearances

• "was as a model in amongst a collection" - was as a model in a collection

• Done. Miyagawa (talk) 21:23, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

Reception and commentary

• slower than a Hyundai - should this be in quotes? I couldn't find the quote in the ref - it requires subscription

• The quote is "The ship maxes out at Warp 4. Warp 4! knowing Trekkies everywhere will giggle. There are Hyundais that go faster than that." Miyagawa (talk) 21:23, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

Models and toy lines

• "The initial 7-inch (18 cm) figure range by Art Asylum each shipped with a Enterprise bridge console which fitted together to form a bridge diorama in the same scale." - clumsy

• I swapped out a work, dropped a couple and made it two sentences. Miyagawa (talk) 21:23, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

• wl - New York Toy Fair

• Done. Miyagawa (talk) 21:23, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

Infobox

• Warp 5.06; Warp 5.2; 2x Shuttlepods; Polarized hull plating - these features probably need to be referenced here or better yet, mentioned/referenced within the article

• I've worked the 5.06, 5.2, shuttlepods and plating into the prose of the article - although I had to use cites from the episodes themselves. I couldn't find one which referred to the cruising speed specifically, so I've removed it from the infobox. Miyagawa (talk) 22:33, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

Notes

• Not sure about the forums, such as TrekWeb.com, StarTrek.com, TheDrexFiles, TrekMovie.com, Eavesdropping (a wordpress site), QMxOnline?

• StarTrek.com is the official CBS website. TheDrexFiles and Eavesdropping are wordpress websites, but they are both the websites of the actual designers who worked on Star Trek (Doug Drexler and John Eaves). QMxOnline is a model/toy company that produces official merchandise (and also made a prop for Star Trek Into Darkness. TrekWeb and TrekMovie are the two contentious ones, but they are two of only four fan created websites which are endorsed by the official Star Trek website. Miyagawa (talk) 17:29, 19 January 2014 (UTC)

Cool article. No major issues. I'll put it on hold for the usual 7 days. --Rosiestep (talk) 20:32, 18 January 2014 (UTC)

• Thanks, I've been away for the past day and a half so I'll work through those points in the next couple of days. Miyagawa (talk) 17:29, 19 January 2014 (UTC)

• Sorry about the delay in getting to those points, but I think that is everything. Miyagawa (talk) 22:33, 24 January 2014 (UTC)

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

1. Is it reasonably well written?

   A. Prose quality:

   B. MoS compliance:

2. Is it factually accurate and verifiable?

   A. References to sources:

   B. Citation of reliable sources where necessary:

   C. No original research:

3. Is it broad in its coverage?

   A. Major aspects:

   B. Focused:

4. Is it neutral?

   Fair representation without bias:

5. Is it stable?

   No edit wars, etc:

6. Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?

   A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:

   B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:

7. Overall:

   Pass or Fail:

Nicely done! --Rosiestep (talk) 05:29, 25 January 2014 (UTC)