Talk:Elizabeth Dilling/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Carbrera (talk · contribs) 03:27, 29 June 2016 (UTC)

Lead

Paragraph 1

• Insert a comma after "In 1934".

Early life and family

Paragraph 1

• Insert a comma after "In 1912".

Paragraph 2

• Omit "extensively" in the first sentence; it seems unnecessary.
• Insert a comma after "In 1923".

Paragraph 3

• Replace "when she noted a" with "where she noted a".
• Insert a comma after "in 1939".

Anti-communism

Paragraph 1

• Replace "she encountered, on her" with "she encountered upon her".
• Replace "on her doctor's advice" with "following her doctor's advice".
• Maybe break up the last sentence; it's a little lengthy. Or at some semi-colons rather than the excessive commas.

Paragraph 2

• Insert a comma after "In 1932".
• Replace "organisation" with "organization".
• Reword the first sentence somehow; it's a little disorganized.

Paragraph 4

• Replace "The book had been" with "The book has been".
• Replace "and sold more than" with "and has sold more than".

I rearranged it slightly.zzz (talk) 11:28, 30 June 2016 (UTC)

Paragraph 7

• Insert a comma after "In 1938".

Isolationism

Paragraph 2

• "It was the base of the isolationist America First Committee found in September 1940, which by 1941 had 850,000 members, and influential far-right activists Father Charles E. Coughlin, Reverend Gerald L. K. Smith and Lyrl Clark Van Hyning." could be reworded. It's just cluttered and hard to read.

Paragraph 3

• "7 March" ? Turn it around to March 7.

Paragraph 4

• Replace "in December 1941" with "on December 1941".

• Removed date. zzz (talk) 11:30, 30 June 2016 (UTC)

Paragraph 5

• Insert commas before and after "convened in 1941 to investigate fascist propaganda".
• Weird date: "21 July 1942" - turn it around.
• Another weird date: "4 January 1944".
• And another: "3 January 1944".
• And again: "29 November 1944".
• There's a lot of turned around dates; please fix them.
• Insert a comma following "in 1954".

End of GA Review:

On hold for seven days to allow for the aforementioned changes to be made. Please @PING me here with any questions, comments, or concerns. Thanks so much and good luck! Cheers, Carbrera (talk) 05:12, 30 June 2016 (UTC).

Thanks very much for the comments. I think I fixed everything. zzz (talk) 11:43, 30 June 2016 (UTC)

@Carbrera:zzz (talk) 11:44, 30 June 2016 (UTC)