Wikipedia

Talk:Donn Cabral/GA1

< Talk:Donn Cabral
(Redirected from Talk:Donald Cabral/GA1)
Latest comment: 11 years ago by Resolute in topic GA Review

GA Review edit

Latest comment: 11 years ago27 comments3 people in discussion
GA toolbox
Reviewing

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Resolute (talk · contribs) 18:00, 9 November 2012 (UTC)Reply

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose):   b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):  
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (references):   b (citations to reliable sources):   c (OR):  
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects):   b (focused):  
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:  
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:  
  6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales):   b (appropriate use with suitable captions):  
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:  
General
  • No images. Can a free image be found?
    • The only pictures I can find of him are here. They are Getty images. I have never been able to get Getty images released.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 01:03, 15 November 2012 (UTC)Reply
      • Ahh yeah, Getty will never release an image to a free license. It kinda defeats their business strategy! Resolute 16:01, 15 November 2012 (UTC)Reply
      • And, of course, an image is not a hard requirement, so if one can't be found, one can't be found. Resolute 16:33, 15 November 2012 (UTC)Reply
  • References look good. Ref 25 is a blog, but also an interview, so should be okay.
    • Spotcheck of references show no issues with close paraphrasing
Lead
Early life
  • The first paragraph lacks context, and reads as trivia. The source indicates the flag waving bit kindled a desire to reach the Olympics, and his run at 12 was used as an example of his competitive nature. I would make mention of these, as it explains the reason for these stories.
  • Opening each paragraph with "As a freshman/sophomore/junior" is very repetitive. Consider rewording one or two of these.
  • "Cabral excelled in track, cross country, and with the ladies." - Aside from being unencyclopedic, "with the ladies" is also irrelevant to the rest of the paragraph.
  • "As a freshman, Cabral was the second slowest runner out of both the guys and girls soccer teams." - Reference does not fully support this statement. It says he was the second slowest player on his team. It says nothing about the girls' team.
  • "...and was considering joining the cross country team in the fall instead of participating in his usual fall sport, soccer." - redundant use of "fall". I'd strike the second usage.
College career
  • In this case, I think "three-time" and "two-time" is correct, even though the distances are numerals.
  • "Eventually as a senior..." - strike "eventually".
  • "Although a competitive collegiate runner, Cabral has focused his training on the Olympics." - This is something of a non sequitur. It sits in the middle of this paragraph, but does not fit within it. I would suggest moving this statement to his international section. I would be a good transition from college to international.
  • "He was selected as the most outstanding performer at both the indoor and outdoor Heps Most Outstanding Performer of the Meet." - I don't think you meant to use "most outstanding performer" twice here?
  • "As a senior in 2012, he won his third consecutive Ivy League outdoor 10,000..." - Strike "as a senior" as you've already established at this point he is a senior.
  • "He formerly held the school record in the outdoor 5000 meters before classmate Joe Stilin destroyed it at the Mt. SAC Relays." - "destroyed" is unencyclopedic. Also, requires a source.
  • "Running for Princeton University on June 8, 2012, Donald was the 2012 NCAA steeplechase champion..." - We already know he ran for Princeton, no need to restate it. Also, why is Princeton University linked so late in this section rather than where it is mentioned in the first sentence?
  • You mention that Cabral is the first track champion Princeton has had since 1934, then in the very next sentence state the exact same thing. I'd reword this to remove the redundancy.
International/Professional career
  • You note he qualified for the Olympics, then that he turned pro, then that he signed with Nike, then that he participated in a race of some sort. I presume you mean the Olympics, but the pro stuff in the middle leaves this disjointed. I would put all of the Olympic info together, then all of the pro stuff.
Personal life
  • Section is very thin. If it can't be expanded, I would suggest moving these to sentences to early life. However, I am left with questions that could fill this out a little: What did he study at Princeton? Is he still studying at the University of Colorado? If so, perhaps mention here that he is studying business instead of noting his major in the college athletics section. If he is not at Coloardo, does he have a job, or is he a full-time professional in track?
    • [Outside comment] I agree that it's thin, but in a way it's too thick. The parents' names are irrelevant, esp. in a BLP, and they need to go. That he was "coached" in soccer means nothing: I coach my girls in soccer as well. It only means something if a. the coaching is meaningful (if your dad is Johan Cruijff) and b. that soccer goes somewhere--got a soccer scholarship but turned it down to do some other sport, or something like that. The names have to go--the rest can, as suggested, be moved elsewhere if it can be indicated to be meaningful in the first place. Drmies (talk) 18:18, 9 November 2012 (UTC)Reply
Overall
  • It's very close. Once the few prose issues and perhaps a little fleshing of personal life are complete, this should easily pass. I am placing the nomination on hold pending. Regards, Resolute 18:00, 9 November 2012 (UTC)Reply
    • I apologize for not looking at this too closely yet. I am trying to get a new creation (Glenn Robinson III) ready for a November 23 DYK main page date request.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 01:04, 15 November 2012 (UTC)Reply
      • No worries. I've never held firm to the 10-day rule. As long as I know you'll deal with the review, and I know you will, I've no issue with keeping it on hold indefinitely. Resolute 16:01, 15 November 2012 (UTC)Reply
        • Ok, all issues appear to be addressed. I am satisfied this is now a GA. Cheers! Resolute 15:10, 21 November 2012 (UTC)Reply
Add topic
Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Donn_Cabral/GA1&oldid=525759519"