Talk:David Attenborough/GA2

Latest comment: 2 years ago by Trainsandotherthings in topic GA Review

GA Review edit

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Reviewer: Trainsandotherthings (talk · contribs) 18:13, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply

I'll be reviewing this, hopefully to be done within the day. Comments to come shortly. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 18:13, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply

Comments edit

Lead edit

  • "He is best known for writing and presenting, in conjunction with the BBC Natural History Unit, the nine natural history documentary series forming the Life collection that constitute a comprehensive survey of animal and plant life on Earth." This wording is a bit awkward. I suggest rewording it, perhaps more like "the nine documentary series of the Life collection, a comprehensive survey of animal and plant life on Earth." Trainsandotherthings (talk) 18:24, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    Done. Femke (talk) 18:45, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "Attenborough is a former senior manager at the BBC, having served as controller of BBC Two and director of programming for BBC Television in the 1960s and 1970s." Consider rewording from "is a former" to "was a" or "served as a". Also consider rewriting the second half as "as well as controller of..." Trainsandotherthings (talk) 18:24, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    Done the first. Didn't do the suggestion, as controller is a management role if I understand it correctly. Femke (talk) 18:45, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "He is the only person to have won BAFTAs for programmes in black and white, colour, high-definition, 3D and 4K resolutions." As written, it does not seem clear to me that this is saying he is the only person to win BAFTAs in all of these resolutions. Maybe just rewrite to "for 5 different formats, from black and white to 4k resolution."
    Rewritten. Femke (talk) 18:52, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "He has advocated for..." Change to "he advocates for", he is still alive and still an advocate for these things. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 18:24, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    People do change their opinion, so I'm not 100% sure he's still advocating for all of those. Has advocated already implies past+present. Femke (talk) 18:53, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "He considers his 2020 documentary film, David Attenborough: A Life On Our Planet, his personal witness statement of his life and the future." I don't think this belongs in the lead section, it might fit better in the body of the article. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 18:24, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    Done. Femke (talk) 18:47, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "He is the younger brother of the late director, producer and actor Richard Attenborough, and older brother of the late motor executive John Attenborough." The first claim here is cited, but the second is not. For consistency, either both or neither should have citations. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 18:24, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    Done. Femke (talk) 18:50, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply

Life and family edit

  • "He is the middle of three long-lived sons;" I don't see a need to say "long-lived", as their death dates are provided later in the sentence already. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 18:34, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    Done. Femke (talk) 18:55, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "He received encouragement, when a young Jacquetta Hawkes admired his collection." Comma here can be deleted. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 18:34, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    Done. Femke (talk) 18:55, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "He spent much time in the grounds of the university, and, aged around 11, he heard that the zoology department needed a large supply of newts, which he offered through his father to supply for 3d each." This sentence has a lot of commas. The middle could be reworded to "where around age 11 he responded to a request from the zoology department for a large supply of newts...". Trainsandotherthings (talk) 18:34, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    I split the sentence instead. Femke (talk) 19:17, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "A year later, one of his adoptive sisters, Marianne, gave him a piece of amber containing prehistoric creatures; some sixty years later, it would be the focus of his programme The Amber Time Machine." Consider rewording to "A year later, his adoptive sister Marianne..." Trainsandotherthings (talk) 18:34, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    Done. Femke (talk) 19:16, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "According to Richard, David was "bowled over by the man's determination to save the beaver, by his profound knowledge of the flora and fauna of the Canadian wilderness and by his warnings of ecological disaster should the delicate balance between them be destroyed. The idea that mankind was endangering nature by recklessly despoiling and plundering its riches was unheard of at the time, but it is one that has remained part of Dave's own credo to this day."" Quotes should have a citation immediately after they end, which is not present here. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 18:34, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    Done. Femke (talk) 19:16, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "where he won a scholarship to Clare College, Cambridge in 1945 to study geology and zoology and obtained a degree in natural sciences." This sentence is quite long and might be better split into two sentences. The second sentence can include what his degree was, and when he graduated from Clare College. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 18:34, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply

First years at the BBC edit

  • "After leaving the Navy, Attenborough took a position editing children's science textbooks for a publishing company." Specify when he left the navy, I believe it was 1949? Additionally, a citation should be added either here or to the following sentence. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 18:43, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    • I'm not sure on the exact date, but I have added a source for the info. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talkcontribs) 20:09, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "He soon became disillusioned with the work and in 1950 applied for a job as a radio talk producer with the BBC." Wikilink BBC, as this is the first mention of it in the body of the article. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 18:43, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    Done Femke (talk) 19:20, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "Attenborough's association with natural history programmes began when he produced and presented the three-part series Animal Patterns. The studio-bound programme featured animals from London Zoo, with the naturalist Julian Huxley discussing their use of camouflage, aposematism and courtship displays. Through this programme, Attenborough met Jack Lester, the curator of the zoo's reptile house, and they decided to make a series about an animal-collecting expedition." I recommend adding at least 1 inline citation for these sentences. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 18:43, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    • It's all covered by the source at the end of the paragraph, which is how you are supposed to cite all info to one source. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talkcontribs) 20:10, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "However, he accepted an invitation to return to the BBC as controller of BBC Two before he could finish the degree." What is a controller? As someone not from the UK, I am unfamiliar with this term. Can this be wikilinked to an appropriate article? Trainsandotherthings (talk) 18:43, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    • Pretty much just being in charge of. I can't think of a suitable wikilink Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talkcontribs) 20:11, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply

BBC administration edit

  • "Attenborough became Controller of BBC 2 in March 1965 succeeding Michael Peacock." Add a comma after 1965. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 18:53, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    Done. Femke (talk) 19:23, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "Later the same year he filmed elephants in Tanzania, and in 1969 he made a three-part series on the cultural history of the Indonesian island of Bali." Add a wikilink to Indonesia here. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 18:53, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    I think Indonesia is too big a country, and should not be wikilinked. Femke (talk) 19:24, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "BBC Two had been launched in 1964, but had struggled to capture the public's imagination." Replace one of the mentions of "had" with a different word. Perhaps change to "BBC Two was launched in 1964...". Additionally, this paragraph needs a citation or two added to the first half. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 18:53, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "The show - Pot Black was later credited with the boom of the sport into the 1980s." It seems a dash is missing here after the name of the show. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 18:53, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    Done. Femke (talk) 19:24, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "In 1969 Attenborough was promoted to director of programmes, making him responsible for the output of both BBC channels." Add a comma after 1969. A citation for this would also be a good idea. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 18:53, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "Attenborough stated that he wanted to work in Asia, as nature documentaries had mostly focused on Africa." Change to "...work in Asia because previous nature documentaries..." Trainsandotherthings (talk) 18:53, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    Done. Femke (talk) 19:24, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "Eventually the BBC signed a co-production deal with Turner Broadcasting and Life on Earth moved into production in 1976." Suggest adding a comma after eventually. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 18:53, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    Done. Femke (talk) 19:24, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply

Life series edit

  • "Beginning with Life on Earth in 1979, Attenborough set about creating a body of work which became a benchmark of quality in wildlife film-making and influenced a generation of documentary film-makers." Add a comma after film-making, this sentence is very long without a comma there. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:08, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    Done Femke (talk) 19:29, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "In the 1990s, Attenborough continued to use the "Life" title for a succession of authored documentaries." Is there a meaning to the term "authored documentaries" here, as opposed to just "documentaries"? Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:08, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    I think the meaning is that he actually wrote them rather than only narrated them. Femke (talk) 19:26, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "In 1993, he presented Life in the Freezer, the first television series to survey the natural history of Antarctica." Add a wikilink to Antarctica here. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:08, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    Done. Femke (talk) 19:29, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "As he was neither an obsessive twitcher nor a bird expert," It feels weirdly POV and non-neutral to say "obsessive twitcher". It should be reworded to be more neutral, perhaps just say birdwatcher. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:08, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    Done. Femke (talk) 19:29, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "He commented: "The evolutionary history is finished. The endeavour is complete. If you'd asked me 20 years ago whether we'd be attempting such a mammoth task, I'd have said 'Don't be ridiculous!' These programmes tell a particular story and I'm sure others will come along and tell it much better than I did, but I do hope that if people watch it in 50 years' time, it will still have something to say about the world we live in."" This quote is borderline long enough to justify being moved out of the prose and into a separate quote box instead. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:08, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    I dislike having quote boxes of the person in question, feels like too much POV. We could shorten it. The second half could be dropped. Femke (talk) 19:29, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    Shortening makes sense to me, I'd go with that. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 20:00, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply

Beyond Life on Earth edit

  • "As a writer and narrator, Attenborough continued to collaborate with the BBC Natural History Unit in the new millennium. Alastair Fothergill, a senior producer with whom Attenborough had worked on The Trials of Life and Life in the Freezer, was making The Blue Planet (2001), the Unit's first comprehensive series on marine life. He decided not to use an on-screen presenter due to difficulties in speaking to a camera through diving apparatus, but asked Attenborough to narrate the films. The same team reunited for Planet Earth (2006), the biggest nature documentary ever made for television and the first BBC wildlife series to be shot in high definition." None of this is cited, at least 1 or 2 citations should be added to support this information. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:15, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "The BBC also commissioned Atlantic Productions to make a three-part, Attenborough-fronted series Great Barrier Reef in 2015" Should the series name be in italics or quotation marks here? Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:15, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "Attenborough narrates the 2018 five part series Dynasties, each episode dealing with one species in particular." Change "narrates" to "narrated" for consistency with the rest of the article. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:15, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "On radio, Attenborough has continued as one of the presenters of BBC Radio 4's Tweet of the Day, which began a second series in September 2014." BBC Radio 4 should be wikilinked here. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:51, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    • We already linked this. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talkcontribs) 20:28, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
      • I see what I missed now, it was linked as just "Radio 4", but I was searching for "BBC Radio 4", which is how it is listed in most places. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 20:53, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply

Growing engagement edit

  • The name of this section is a bit unclear, maybe change it to more specifically say that Attenborough shifted towards advocating for environmentalism? Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:20, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    • I have wracked my brain for a while for a better title, but I don't really know. Would "increased advocating" be better? Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talkcontribs) 20:30, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
      • Potential titles I have include "Increased advocacy" "Advocacy in the 21st century" "Turn to advocacy" and "environmentalist advocacy", or simply just say "21st century", though that last one is far from idea. Feel free to pick and choose from none or any of these ideas. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 20:55, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
        • Changed to environmentalist advocacy
  • Are redlinks allowed in GA? I'm pretty sure they're not allowed in FA, but I'm uncertain about the rules for GA. If they're allowed, no action is needed here. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:20, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    They are allowed in both GAs and FAs. At FAC sometimes people complain a bit, but it does not have a justification in the MOS. If the red link links to something notable, it's fine. Femke (talk) 19:33, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply

Environment edit

  • "Despite this, he has been criticised for not giving enough prominence to environmental messages." By whom? Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:30, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    • The article isn't specific on this - lots of people have suggested that as a nature show, it should educate, rather than entertain. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talkcontribs) 20:34, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "On Seven Worlds, One Planet, Attenborough discusses the devastating impact that deforestation is having on the planet and the species." Change "on" to "in". Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:30, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    Done. Femke (talk) 19:35, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "He gave support to WWF's campaign to have 220,000 square kilometres of Borneo's rainforest designated a protected area." Wikilink Borneo. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:30, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    Done. Femke (talk) 19:35, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "In 2020, he backed a Fauna and Flora International campaign" Remove the wikilink here, the organization is already linked earlier in this paragraph. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:30, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    Done. Femke (talk) 19:35, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply

Human population edit

  • "He has attracted criticism for his views on human overpopulation and human population control." Criticism from whom? Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:36, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    • That's a difficult one to define. Intentionally left ambiguous, as it's both regular and scientists. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talkcontribs) 20:31, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply

Religious views edit

  • "In 2009, he stated that the Book of Genesis, by saying that the world was there for people to dominate, had taught generations that they can "dominate" the environment, and that this has resulted in the devastation of vast areas of the environment." Consider changing one instance of the word "dominate" for a synonym. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:36, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • In general, this section is inconsistent about if punctuation goes before or after quotation marks. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:36, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "He strongly opposes creationism and its offshoot "intelligent design", saying that a survey that found a quarter of science teachers in state schools believe that creationism should be taught alongside evolution in science lessons was "really terrible"." Clarify that he was upset about the results of the survey, not the survey itself. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:36, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply

BBC and public service broadcasting edit

  • In general, this section is very heavy on quotes, perhaps a bit too much. A bit more prose in Wikipedia's words would be helpful. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:44, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply

Politics edit

No comments here, well done. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:44, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply

Honorary titles edit

  • "In 1980, he was honoured by the Open University with which he has had a close association throughout his career." Add a comma after "University". Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:44, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "He has honorary Doctor of Science degrees from Durham University (1982) and the University of Cambridge (1984) and honorary Doctor of Philosophy degrees from the University of Oxford (1988) and the University of Ghent (1997)" This sentence is missing a period at the end. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:44, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "In 2010, he was awarded an Honorary Doctorate from" Change to "awarded Honorary Doctorates from..." as two universities are listed in this sentence. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:44, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "Attenborough has received the title Honorary Fellow from Clare College, Cambridge (1980), the Zoological Society of London (1998), the Linnean Society (1999), the Institute of Biology (Now the Royal Society of Biology) (2000) and the Society of Antiquaries (2007)." This sentence needs citations. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:44, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply

Recognition edit

  • "Life on Air (2002) examined the legacy of his work and Attenborough the Controller (2002) focused on his time in charge of BBC Two." Add a comma after "work". Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:51, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "However, one of its research sub-sea vehicles was named "Boaty" in recognition of the public vote." This should say "Boaty McBoatface", which is the name of the submersible in question. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:51, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply

Species named after Attenborough edit

  • Consider changing this section to a table. There's so many examples here it's difficult to read this as prose. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:54, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    • I really disagree with the idea of having a table here, as it promotes cruft. I get it could be a bit messy, but we are just pointing out how the subject has had lots of things named after them, we don't want a list of things named after Attenborough Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talkcontribs) 20:18, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
      • I totally understand your concerns with cruft (my preferred subject area is filled with it) but if possible I'd like there to be a neater way to organize the information. I personally find it hard to read. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 20:58, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply

Awards edit

  • "In addition, he is the only person to have won BAFTAs for programmes in black and white, colour, high-definition, 3D and 4K resolutions." This was already mentioned earlier in the body, so one of the two mentions should be removed. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:54, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply

Miscellaneous comments edit

  • I suggest moving or adding a photo somewhere in the first 3 subsections of the Career section, that area has no photos, while some others have several. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:54, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    Then the images would not correspond chronologically. I've contacted the BBC to release images of young attenborough, but no success. Femke (talk) 19:58, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    I see, that explains why there's no images there. I think you are right about this, the best that could be done is adding a photo related to something he has done, but that's less than ideal. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 20:57, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply


GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

  1. Is it well written?
    A. The prose is clear and concise, and the spelling and grammar are correct:  
    All issues resolved. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 22:09, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    B. It complies with the manual of style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation:  
    All issues resolved. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 22:09, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  2. Is it verifiable with no original research?
    A. It contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline:  
    No issues here. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:57, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    B. All in-line citations are from reliable sources, including those for direct quotations, statistics, published opinion, counter-intuitive or controversial statements that are challenged or likely to be challenged, and contentious material relating to living persons—science-based articles should follow the scientific citation guidelines:  
    From my checking, the sources are all reliable. I did not go through all 254 individually, this isn't FAC, but I'm taking it on good faith that the remainder are all appropriate. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 21:01, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    C. It contains no original research:  
    Everything is meticulously cited. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 18:37, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    D. It contains no copyright violations nor plagiarism:  
    No issues, the only things to come up on Earwig were direct quotes, which are all properly attributed. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:58, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  3. Is it broad in its coverage?
    A. It addresses the main aspects of the topic:  
    This article has comprehensive coverage of Attenborough. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:57, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    B. It stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style):  
    Everything is relevant to the subject of the article. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:57, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  4. Is it neutral?
    It represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each:  
    Article is neutral. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:57, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  5. Is it stable?
    It does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute:  
    No issues here, article is stable. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 18:25, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  6. Is it illustrated, if possible, by images?
    A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content:  
    All are appropriately tagged, and used properly. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:00, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
    B. Images are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:  
    All images relevant and properly captioned. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 19:00, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
  7. Overall:
    Pass or Fail:  
    All criteria are met, and I will be promoting this to GA. Thanks to Lee Vilenski and Femkemilene for their hard work on this article, and congratulations! Trainsandotherthings (talk) 22:09, 31 October 2021 (UTC)Reply