Talk:Computer City (song)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Carbrera (talk · contribs) 01:13, 17 April 2016 (UTC)

Infobox

• If the B-side track is called "Perfume", it must be in quotation marks

Lead

Paragraph 1

• "was described as a..." → "is a..."

Paragraph 2

• I would remove "from their album and their career" as it is a bit redundant
• "Kazuaki Seki; it features the girls..." → "Kazuaki Seki and features the girls..."

Background and composition

Paragraph 1

• Change "him" to "Nakata" in the second sentence
• Yes, "Perfume" is in quotation marks here so change it in the infobox as well please

Paragraph 2

• If there is a maxi CD of "Computer City", shouldn't it be included below in the "Track listings" section?
• "Musically, "Computer City" is a technopop song, influenced by electronic music."
• Add "Similarly," before "a staff editor at CD Journal labelled the songs composition as "addictive technopop"."

Critical response

• Songwriting is one word
• "they compliemted the song's "pop catchy" melody and its lyrical content."
• I would change Amazon Japan to just Amazon since they're practically the same thing and there isn't a separate page for Amazon Japan since it's not notable enough
• Each "review" for the track starts with "A reviewer from [...] was positive in their review [...] they stated..." Can you change this up a little bit? Perhaps start with the reviewer's company, then state the reviewer and then state if he/she was favorable or enjoyed the track, etc.?

Commercial performance

• "group" → "group's"
• What do you mean by "It lasted week"?
• Again, "group" → "group's"
• The last sentence seems a bit unnecessary and the source could be moved to the previous sentence

Promotion and live performances

Paragraph 1

• Reword the first sentence to: ""Computer City" was used for a Japanese commercial promoting the television show Tokyo Brigade."
• Move the aforementioned sentence towards the end of this section and retitle the section to "Music video and live performances" since it would be better fitted as so

Paragraph 2

• "group" → "group's" because of ownership
• "group" → "group's"
• "group" → "group's"
• Reword the last sentence to: "The song was performed on their 2009 Budoukan Tour in Japan, and eventually included on the tour's live on October 15, 2008."

Paragraph 3

• "group" → "group's"
• The mention of "segments" is very unnecessary unless you provide a detailed view of the tour's segments, please do some tidying up here so this section doesn't sound so repetitive

Track listing

• Pluralize the section title since there are multiple formats please
• Also, if you include the maxi CD you mentioned above, please add a colspan to this section to condense it

Credits and personnel

• Change "parent" to the actual name of the album
• What are the things mentioned in parentheses? If they are nicknames, they aren't necessary
• Record label is not necessary here

Chart and sales

• Pluralize title to include "Charts and sales" please

References

• These all look good; great!

End of GA Review:

Another good article with some minor issues that need some attention. I will be placing it on hold so CaliforniaDreamsFan can look over my recommendations. Thanks, Carbrera (talk) 02:10, 17 April 2016 (UTC)

@Carbrera: Done and dusted! Regarding the Music video and live performances sub-section, you might wanna re-read that bit again because I've changed it to be a bit more concise, and not repetitive. Let me know if there is anything else. Cheers, CaliforniaDreamsFan (talk · contribs} 03:02, 17 April 2016 (UTC)