Talk:Atal Bihari Vajpayee/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Kohlrabi Pickle (talk · contribs) 05:56, 1 April 2020 (UTC)

I'm undertaking this page's GA review. Kohlrabi Pickle (talk) 05:56, 1 April 2020 (UTC)

GA criteria

Well written:

* Lead section:

- Are the citations necessary? I imagine the same content is covered and cited in the main body. Would make the lead look cleaner.

- The sentences in the first para are long and information-heavy. Hard to read. Can you break them up?

- "he sought to restore relations through engaging with President Pervez Musharraf". "By engaging with" or "through engagement with".

- " 2018 due to an age-related illness" - or simply, "of age-related illness"?

- "he was the first Indian prime minister not a member of the Indian National Congress party to have served a full five-year term in office."

• • • Fixed Capankajsmilyo^{(Talk | Infobox assistance)} 16:42, 5 April 2020 (UTC)

*Infobox:

::- Any reason why "member" in "member of Parliament" is in lower caps?

I could not find member with small m in infobox. Capankajsmilyo^{(Talk | Infobox assistance)} 02:27, 8 April 2020 (UTC)

:::: Silly mistake on my part. I meant: any reason why "parliament" in "Member of parliament" is in lower caps? Kohlrabi Pickle (talk) 04:42, 8 April 2020 (UTC)

Fixed Capankajsmilyo^{(Talk | Infobox assistance)} 05:54, 8 April 2020 (UTC)

::- Check spaces between dates and en dashes.

::: Capankajsmilyo could you answer this please?

Could you please elaborate on this one. Capankajsmilyo^{(Talk | Infobox assistance)} 01:08, 7 April 2020 (UTC)

::::: My mistake, the dates are correct. But could you answer the one immediately above it? Kohlrabi Pickle (talk) 05:19, 7 April 2020 (UTC)

*Early life and education:

- Just a suggestion to move citation [1] to the first line of this section, to clean it up. But this is up to you.

- "about his 'lifechanging moment' at a public rally" -> "life changing" or "life-changing". Also "a" life changing moment, rather than "his"?

::- "He spoke about his 'lifechanging moment' at a public rally on the 1996 Lok Sabha election trail. He said "But I learned a lesson that changed my life. I took a pledge I’d never rote-learn a speech. It was my first speech at AVM School."" -> Feels a bit out-of-place in this paragraph detailing his education. Some context would help.

You've moved this, but now there is a line just after a description of 1996 saying that he served as a Lok Sabha MP from Lucknow. This would probably be better much earlier up, or it might be thought that he served as an MP only after the 1996 election. Kohlrabi Pickle (talk) 13:34, 6 April 2020 (UTC)

Fixed now. Capankajsmilyo^{(Talk | Infobox assistance)} 01:19, 7 April 2020 (UTC)

• • • Fixed Capankajsmilyo^{(Talk | Infobox assistance)} 16:42, 5 April 2020 (UTC)

:'*'Early political career (1942–1975)

- Resolve citation tag.

- Two spellings: "Mukherjee" and "Mookerjee". Standardise.

- Is this correct: "lower house of Indian parliament"? (1) If there is "Indian" before "Parliament", shouldn't it be "lower house of the Indian Parliament". Also (2) shouldn't Parliament be capitalised?

• • • Fixed Capankajsmilyo^{(Talk | Infobox assistance)} 16:42, 5 April 2020 (UTC)

::: There are two other instances in the article of "Parliament" in lower caps. Kohlrabi Pickle (talk) 04:45, 8 April 2020 (UTC)

I resolved this myself. Kohlrabi Pickle (talk) 10:27, 13 April 2020 (UTC)

*Janata and the BJP

::- "In 1975, Vajpayee was arrested along with several other opposition leaders during the Internal Emergency imposed by Prime Minister Indira Gandhi of the Indian National Congress party." Feels a bit clunky, esp because "1975" and "Internal Emergency" are separated by more information. Also, not necessary to say that Indira Gandhi was of Congress in my opinion.

- Change "subsequent" to "1977".

- "Vajpayee resigned from his post in 1979. The Janata Party collapsed soon after Desai resigned as Prime Minister in 1979." Complicated two lines, consider merging.

- add link to Indira Gandhi's assassination page.

::- "The ideological shift did not bring it success: Gandhi's assassination generated sympathy for the Congress, leading to a massive victory at the polls. The BJP won only two seats in parliament." Overcited.

Fixed Capankajsmilyo^{(Talk | Infobox assistance)} 04:04, 8 April 2020 (UTC)

:::: Surely you don't need more than one citation for this, because it is a matter of public record. And that citation should be the public record itself, i.e. the report from the Election Commission of India. Kohlrabi Pickle (talk) 04:52, 8 April 2020 (UTC)

- "but stayed in the post until 1986." Overcited.

::: Isn't this also a matter of fact? Why does this need any more than one citation? Kohlrabi Pickle (talk) 04:52, 8 April 2020 (UTC) ::- "In 1986 L. K. Advani" needs a comma. ::- "The BJP's role in the movement led to major political gains." Not sure what this means, either expand or delete.

• • • Fixed Capankajsmilyo^{(Talk | Infobox assistance)} 16:42, 5 April 2020 (UTC)

*Terms as Prime Minister (1996–2004)

::- "after 16 days when" - add comma before "when". ::- Remove clarification tag. ::- "The militants were killed by the army or forced to withdraw in skirmishes which went beyond the announcement of withdrawal by Pakistan." Which army? Also, the language of "went beyond the announcement" is a bit vague. ::- "In the 1999 general elections, the BJP-led NDA won 303 seats out of the 543 seats in the Lok Sabha, in the aftermath of the Kargil operations, thereby securing a comfortable and stable majority." Too long a sentence with too many parts. Consider, for example, "The 1999 general elections were held in the aftermath of the Kargil operations. The BJP-led NDA won 303 seats out of the 543 seats in the Lok Sabha, securing a comfortable and stable majority." ::- "president in 22 years since President Jimmy Carter's". Add comma between "22 years" and "since". ::- "ideological mentor". The word "mentor" is odd here.

Still unresolved. Kohlrabi Pickle (talk) 13:34, 6 April 2020 (UTC)

Fixed Capankajsmilyo^{(Talk | Infobox assistance)} 04:21, 8 April 2020 (UTC)

::- "to enact the Hindutva agenda." Was there a single particular "Hindutva agenda"?

This is still unresolved. There is also now a "citation needed" tag attached to it. Kohlrabi Pickle (talk) 13:34, 6 April 2020 (UTC)

Fixed Capankajsmilyo^{(Talk | Infobox assistance)} 04:21, 8 April 2020 (UTC)

::- put "saffronising" in inverted commas. ::- "for a joint summit, the Agra summit." Link "joint summit" to the Agra summit WP page, and delete the second half of the sentence. ::- "President Musharraf was believed in India to be the principal architect of the Kargil War" ::- "By accepting him as the President of Pakistan, Vajpayee chose to move forward." Qualify this - how does accepting him as the President of Pakistan imply a choice to move forward?

This is still unresolved. Kohlrabi Pickle (talk) 13:34, 6 April 2020 (UTC)

Fixed Capankajsmilyo^{(Talk | Infobox assistance)} 04:21, 8 April 2020 (UTC)

::- "armed men with fake IDs stormed the Parliament House in Delhi" ::- "As the threat of war between two nuclear capable countries, and the consequent possibility of a nuclear exchange, loomed large, international diplomatic mediation focused on defusing the situation." Remove commas before "loomed large". ::- "But the biggest political disaster hit his government between December 2001 and March 2002: the VHP held the Government hostage in a major standoff in Ayodhya over the Ram temple." Seems informally written. Sentence should not start with "but", and "biggest" is an opinion, and slightly sensational. ::- "At the 10th anniversary" -> "On" ::- "shila daan" used twice in quick succession. ::- "But to the relief of Vajpayee," seems informal. ::- "and amidst uncertain circumstance," bit odd phrasing.

This needs to be resolved, because it is vague. It seems to be implying something, but I'm not sure what. Kohlrabi Pickle (talk) 13:34, 6 April 2020 (UTC)

Fixed Capankajsmilyo^{(Talk | Infobox assistance)} 04:09, 8 April 2020 (UTC)

::- " set on fire leading to". Add comma after "fire". ::- "recognised Sikkim, as part of India." Remove comma. ::- "between Vajpayee and deputy prime LK Advani." ::- "When Vajpayee subsequently threatened retirement, Naidu backtracked announcing that the party would contest the elections under the twin leadership of Vajpayee and Advani." comma after backtracked.

• • • Fixed Capankajsmilyo^{(Talk | Infobox assistance)} 16:42, 5 April 2020 (UTC)

*Death

::- "On 11 June 2018, Vajpayee was admitted to AIIMS in critical condition following a kidney infection." Overcited. ::- "However some sources claim that he had died on the previous day." Remove "however". ::- "Vajpayee's body draped with the Indian flag was taken to the Bharatiya Janata Party headquarters where party workers paid their tributes until 1 pm." ::- "Later that afternoon at 4 pm, Vajpayee was cremated with full state honours at Rashtriya Smriti Sthal near Raj Ghat, and his pyre was lit by his foster daughter Namita Kaul Bhattacharya." ::- "Thousands of people and many dignitaries attended his funeral procession including Prime Minister Narendra Modi and President Ram Nath Kovind." Add comma before "including". ::- No need to introduce Namita as his daughter again, as you already do so a couple of lines before. ::- "Leader of Opposition R. Sampanthan said India has lost one of its "most regarded intellectual and statesman"." Not grammatically sound.

Already added that Capankajsmilyo^{(Talk | Infobox assistance)} 04:26, 8 April 2020 (UTC)

:::: It is not grammatically sound. The sentence would go: India has lost one of its "most regarded intellectual[s] and [statesmen]." Kohlrabi Pickle (talk) 04:58, 8 April 2020 (UTC) ::- "the two democracies continue to benefit" - "continued".

• • • Fixed Capankajsmilyo^{(Talk | Infobox assistance)} 16:42, 5 April 2020 (UTC)

Verifiable, with no original research:

*Early life and education:

- "He spoke about his 'lifechanging moment' at a public rally on the 1996 Lok Sabha election trail. He said "But I learned a lesson that changed my life. I took a pledge I’d never rote-learn a speech. It was my first speech at AVM School."" Citation?

Cannot find this in the citation. Where is it? Kohlrabi Pickle (talk) 13:34, 6 April 2020 (UTC)

Fixed Capankajsmilyo^{(Talk | Infobox assistance)} 04:07, 8 April 2020 (UTC)

• • • Fixed Capankajsmilyo^{(Talk | Infobox assistance)} 16:42, 5 April 2020 (UTC)

Broad in its coverage:

• Broad and comprehensive.

Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each.

*Early political career (1942–1975)

::- "Vajpayee became an active member of the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh. In August 1942, he and his elder brother Prem were arrested for 24 days during the Quit India Movement." This is misleading and appears to carry editorial bias. It seems to imply that as an active member, he got himself arrested, and that the written undertaking was a formality. The citation instead argues that the RSS as a movement had no association with the freedom struggle at all.

Still unresolved. Kohlrabi Pickle (talk) 13:34, 6 April 2020 (UTC)

*Terms as Prime Minister

::- "Under extreme pressure, the government ultimately caved in." "Extreme" is an opinion. This should be either qualified by explaining what the pressure was (and removing the word "extreme" regardless, or removed.

• • • Fixed Capankajsmilyo^{(Talk | Infobox assistance)} 16:42, 5 April 2020 (UTC)

Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.

• No content disputes that I can see, just editors working on improving the article's style and formatting.

Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio:

• Well illustrated by images.

That's all from me. On hold while we go over these. Kohlrabi Pickle (talk) 07:47, 1 April 2020 (UTC)

Thanks a lot Kohlrabi Pickle for sparing time review the article. I have tried and resolve most of the issues per your suggestions. Kindly let me know if any further changes are required of I have missed out on some. Capankajsmilyo^{(Talk | Infobox assistance)} 12:05, 5 April 2020 (UTC)

Hi Capankajsmilyo, would you respond to the comments next to or below them to indicate that you've resolved those specific ones? Kohlrabi Pickle (talk) 13:37, 5 April 2020 (UTC)

Sure. Done. Please check. Capankajsmilyo^{(Talk | Infobox assistance)} 16:42, 5 April 2020 (UTC)

Hi Capankajsmilyo, good work so far. I have stricken out the points you have addressed, though there are some that you've missed out. Have a look. In addition, when I ran the copyvio checker, it indicated a high degree of similarity with the text some websites. It's somehow not working now so I can't append the links, but can you run it yourself (link is near the top of this page) and address those links? Thanks. Kohlrabi Pickle (talk) 13:34, 6 April 2020 (UTC)

Kohlrabi Pickle, I ran copyvio tool and it provided 10 links. Indian Info Line (87.8% match) and Financial Express (63.1%) seems to be copied from wikipedia and not the other way round. elections.in old (48.5%) is archive and has been replaced with elections.in new (40.8%). Firstpost (42.9%) Since there's no source for Vajpayee was with Shri Syama Prasad Mookerjee when the latter observed a fast unto death in 1951 in Kashmir against the supposed inferior treatment shown towards non-Kashmiri visitors. During this strike, Shri Syama Prasad Mookerjee died in prison., they all seem to be copies of wikipedia as it matches word by word. Further, they have been published after his death thereby increasing chances of being copied from wikipedia. Lastly other 5 links are 18%, 14.5%, 13.8%, 13.0% and 12.3% which are in green, and doesn't seem to violate copyvio. Capankajsmilyo^{(Talk | Infobox assistance)} 07:47, 13 April 2020 (UTC)

Yes, confirmed that the links with high similarity were very similar even before their publication date. Promoting the article. Good work, many thanks. Kohlrabi Pickle (talk) 10:43, 13 April 2020 (UTC)

Thanks a lot Kohlrabi Pickle Capankajsmilyo^{(Talk | Infobox assistance)} 12:19, 13 April 2020 (UTC)