Talk:Astraea (album)/GA2

GA Review

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 14:45, 11 March 2014 (UTC)

Comments

• I would link mathcore in the lead.
• Avoid linking common geographical terms like United Kingdom. And certainly don't over link it.
• "The band commonly described..." why "commonly"?
• "Jason Sanderson had come" surnames only after you've introduced them (as long as there's no ambiguity, which there isn't here).
• "Rolo Tomassi only did one short tour of the" why in italics, and "did"? yuck, maybe rephrase to avoid "did".
• "compile all work they" all the work?
• Again "done on" hate "do", "did" etc, not elegant.
• "that both Joseph Thorpe and Joe Nicholson" surnames only needed.
• "wanted to go to university and get a degree in chemistry" too much detail really, condense, perhaps, to "wanted to read chemistry at university"
• "Joe Thorpe's reasons were more to do with personal differences" ->"Thorpe's reasons were related to personal differences".
• No Coast in italics yet it's the name of a band, not needed, be consistent.
• Avoid "drone aircraft", stick with the scientific term, "unmanned aerial vehicle".
• "previous album Cosmology as" album title not in italics this time, be consistent. Check all band names throughout (including captions etc).
• "progress had not come far enough" -> "insufficient progress had been made".
• "have big melodic passages[10]" firstly reads poorly, secondly needs a full stop there.
• M83 is overlinked.

I'm halfway, I have other things to do all of a sudden. If the above are fixed, and if you can apply the comments to the remainder of the article, then that'd be great. I'll put it on hold for a week. The Rambling Man (talk) 19:35, 11 March 2014 (UTC)

Followed GA amendments in recent edit. Jonjonjohny (talk) 14:58, 15 March 2014 (UTC)