Talk:Alexios Apokaukos/GA1

GA Review

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I'll be reviewing this article shortly. Ealdgyth - Talk 14:55, 6 March 2009 (UTC)

GA review (see here for criteria)

1. It is reasonably well written.

   a (prose): b (MoS):

   some prose spots that could use smoothing

2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.

   a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):

3. It is broad in its coverage.

   a (major aspects): b (focused):

4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.

   Fair representation without bias:

   a couple of places that seem povish to me.

5. It is stable.

   No edit wars etc.:

6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.

   a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):

7. Overall:

   Pass/Fail:

Specific concerns

• Suggest that you link and explain a bit more some of the specialized terms. domestikos needs a link and explanation. Themes might be best to give a quick phrase explaining what it is. Same for protostrator.
• "However, when Kantakouzenos returned victorious to the capital, instead of depriving him of his offices, and against the counsel of his friends, he pardoned his protégé." ... I think you need to add in an Apokaukos in there somewhere, as it reads now, it sounds like Kantakouzenos did not deprive himself of offices.
• "It was mistake that would cost him and the Empire bitterly." sounds peacockish/povish to me. Suggest just cutting it.
• Same for "including his mother Theodora, who would die in prison from the privations suffered". POV. Suggest "Kantakouzenos's family and friends were imprisoned and his mother Theodora died while still imprisoned from the effects of imprisonment." Then start a new sentence from "The Patriarch..."
• "... and appointed his elder son John as the city's governor, although he exercised only nominal authority." I assume the he meant here is John? Might make that explicit, it's a bit unclear to me.
• "She however, shocked and dismayed at the loss of her principal minister, allowed Apokaukos' supporters, who were joined by the Gasmouloi, the fleet's marines, to avenge their leader's death." A few too many commas and dependent phrases in here, it makes the flow awkward. Suggest rewording, perhaps "She was shocked at the loss of her principal minister and allowed Apokaukos' supporters, bolstered by the Gasmouloi, or the fleet's marines, to kill all the prisoners in revenge."
• Suggest moving one pic to the left side just to balance things, but GA status doesn't hinge on this.

I've put the article on hold for seven days to allow folks to address the issues I've brought up. Feel free to contact me on my talk page, or here with any concerns, and let me know one of those places when the issues have been addressed. If I may suggest that you strike out, check mark, or otherwise mark the items I've detailed, that will make it possible for me to see what's been addressed, and you can keep track of what's been done and what still needs to be worked on. Ealdgyth - Talk 15:18, 6 March 2009 (UTC)

First off, thanks for taking the time. I think I've addressed the specific concerns (a protostrator article will be added tomorrow). Anything else? Constantine ✍ 19:02, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

Looks like you got it all! Congrats! Bear in mind I'm not the world's best copyeditor, so I won't testify that the prose is of FAC quality.... Ealdgyth - Talk 20:31, 9 March 2009 (UTC)