Talk:2011 Canadian Grand Prix/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 20:13, 21 July 2013 (UTC)

Comments

• "second in a Red Bull, and Mark Webber third in the other Red Bull." maybe " with teammate Mark Webber finishing third" just to avoid the repeat of Red Bull?

Done.

• "Vettel started the race, which began behind the safety car, and held ..." this isn't clear. All the drivers started the race...

Rewritten.

• "behind the safety car, and held the lead from Fernando Alonso, despite an early safety car deployment " confusing, two safety cars mentioned in one sentence...

Clarified in a new sentence.

• "led to the races suspension" -> "race's suspension"

Done.

• " it was restarted over two hours later with Vettel still in the lead" well presumably it was restarted with everyone in the positions they were in when it stopped? i.e. "still" isn't relevant.

I removed it, that was indeed unnecessary.

• "falling to the rear of the grid" seems odd to me to talk about "rear of the grid" many laps after the grid was relevant.

A colloquialism, changed to last place.

• "He made up positions " you mean "he overtook [a number] of drivers..."? Need to remember this article should appeal to all, not just F1 fans.

Changed to "he moved from twenty-first place to first". I didn't want to use overtake as it would imply he passed them all on track, rather than a mixture of passes on track, retirements and pit stops.

• Link Ferrari in the lead.

Done.

• " by 24 drivers, in 12 teams of two" MOSNUM would suggest you should not mix numbers and words for comparable items, so 24 drivers, in 12 teams of 2. That's sub-optimal as well so best if you can rephrase accordingly.

I essentially copied the phrasing from other good articles. Is "The Grand Prix was contested by twelve teams of two drivers." better?

Perhaps "twelve teams, each of two drivers" to ensure no ambiguity. The Rambling Man (talk) 16:12, 27 July 2013 (UTC)

• "as Constructors, were" no need for the capital C.

Done.

• "Tyre supplier" hyphen?

I've never seen it hyphenated before in the F1 world, but I'll do it if necessary.

No, fair enough. The Rambling Man (talk) 16:12, 27 July 2013 (UTC)

• Not convinced image captions need to repeat first names after they've been explained in the main prose of the article.

Agreed, removed.

• "Hamilton - although" en-dash here, not hyphen, per WP:DASH. Check others.

Done.

• "due to the small amount of time" -> "due to the limited time"

Done.

• "Vettel was leading by 0.9 seconds on the final lap" ->" Vettel led by 0.9..."

Done.

• "Jenson Button set records" no need for that first name...

Done.

• Consider giving the reader a clue what bold means (and that's sub-optimal) in the tables. Perhaps a † would be better for everyone, with a key saying "fastest of the day" or whatever.

See below.

• Check ref titles for en-dash compliance.

Done.

The Rambling Man (talk) 19:41, 22 July 2013 (UTC)

GA criteria

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

1. It is reasonably well written.

   a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):

   My comments above need to be addressed.

2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.

   a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):

3. It is broad in its coverage.

   a (major aspects): b (focused):

4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.

   Fair representation without bias:

5. It is stable.

   No edit wars, etc.:

6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.

   a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):

7. Overall:

   Pass/Fail:

• Good work, enjoyable read. I'll put it on hold for a week, hopefully you'll be able to sort the comments out and then I'll re-check and promote if appropriate. Cheers. The Rambling Man (talk) 19:41, 22 July 2013 (UTC)

Alright, I've addressed a few easy concerns, I'll go through the rest tomorrow.

On the issue of bold in the result tables, it's standard practice to bold point scorers F1 articles without a note, including the featured ones I used as a template. If this is an issue, perhaps it should be brought up at WT:F1? QueenCake (talk) 22:21, 24 July 2013 (UTC)

It's okay, at least there's an accompanying points column, I guess people (like me) just guess that bold means points winners. The Rambling Man (talk) 16:36, 25 July 2013 (UTC)

I thought there would be problems with the lead, it was awfully difficult to summarise such a complex race. I've addressed all remaining points, are there any remaining issues? QueenCake (talk) 23:13, 26 July 2013 (UTC)

All good (well, nearly!), just the reply above, and we're good to go. Good work. The Rambling Man (talk) 16:12, 27 July 2013 (UTC)

Alright then, I've changed the last sentence as you suggested, so we should be good. QueenCake (talk) 16:55, 28 July 2013 (UTC)