- The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.
The result was: promoted by -PAPAJECKLOY (hearthrob! kiss me! <3) (talk) 08:28, 2 September 2014 (UTC)
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Modesta Avila edit
- ... that Modesta Avila (pictured) was the first convicted felon and first state prisoner from Orange County, California?
- Reviewed: Cinderella (2013 Broadway production)
- Comment: I have provided a pure "factual" hook, but maybe some focus on her legacy would be in place. Alt hook suggestions are welcomed.
Improved to Good Article status by Dr. Blofeld (talk), Rosiestep (talk). Nominated by Oceanh (talk) at 18:20, 27 August 2014 (UTC).
This is GA'ed recently enough, neutral, with no close-paraphrasing, copyvio or plagarism. No QPQ is required but one done anyway (I was going to give you a big smoochy kiss for helping out, until I noticed it was from over a year ago). Picture is fine and looks quite good even at DYK size. Hook is cited, but "from" makes it a bit unclear that she was the first felon convicted in Orange County (I don't know how you get round this with this hook without losing "California" which would cause US readers to collapse gasping and clawing at their chests with the horror of having to guess which Orange County it was). I've had to do quite a lot of copy-editing, as the "two" incidents seem to be different reports of the same event and some of the story had become unclear in the attempts to write away from the sources. Another hook would be better; EEng might be able to help with a suggestion if you can't think of anything. Belle (talk) 12:05, 28 August 2014 (UTC)
- Thank you for the review, and for many improvements to the article. Regarding the hook, I might try to find another one, or maybe somebody else can come up with a good suggestion. Else, I am sorry for what I missed from you; that is the price for being one year ahead with reviews, while young brides always want fresh flowers. Oceanh (talk) 16:28, 28 August 2014 (UTC)
- Yes, I suppose that was a bit unfair, penalizing you for getting too far ahead [gives Oceanh a peck on the cheek]. Belle (talk) 18:07, 28 August 2014 (UTC)
- Alternative hook suggested below. Oceanh (gradually waking up after a full night and day of dreams and daydreams following an unexpected touch from Belle) 21:16, 29 August 2014 (UTC)
- ALT1: ... that Modesta Avila (pictured), who died while in custody in the San Quentin State Prison, has been cited as a folklore heroine for Latinos in Orange County?
- Yes, I suppose that was a bit unfair, penalizing you for getting too far ahead [gives Oceanh a peck on the cheek]. Belle (talk) 18:07, 28 August 2014 (UTC)
- Thank you for the review, and for many improvements to the article. Regarding the hook, I might try to find another one, or maybe somebody else can come up with a good suggestion. Else, I am sorry for what I missed from you; that is the price for being one year ahead with reviews, while young brides always want fresh flowers. Oceanh (talk) 16:28, 28 August 2014 (UTC)
Either hook is passable. The original is a little unclear in the claim and the ALT is not directly cited but has multiple citations supporting it in the legacy section. I think we can go with either without drawing complaints at WP:ERROR (and it is good to know that apparently my touch causes sustained unconsciousness and hallucinations [sings: "With a taste of a poison paradise"]) Belle (talk) 00:19, 31 August 2014 (UTC)