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Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/Maya (M.I.A. album)/archive2

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Latest comment: 13 years ago by Mike Christie

Comments.

  • I see you capitalize "Gold" and "Platinum"; I don't know if there is a standard for this, but I checked another music FA, Rich Girl, and it doesn't capitalize these.
  • Just a suggestion, but wouldn't it make more sense to remove the singles listing from the infobox and add it to the track listing at the end of the article? I'm fine if you want to leave it as is, or if that's standard for album articles, but it would seem natural to keep that information together.
  • "to vindicate the death of her husband": do you mean "in revenge for"?
  • In the "Music and lyrics" section you refer to a deluxe edition and also to a limited edition; are these the same? If so I'd use the same term for them throughout. Also, assuming that this is the same version mentioned in the Release section with the lenticular slipcase, shouldn't that section specify what additional tracks are to be found on that edition? I assume these are the bonus tracks listed in the track list at the end; if that's the case then you could just say "four bonus tracks", though it wouldn't hurt to list them.
  • Looks like a stray quote mark at the start of '"M.I.A. stated that the sound and imagery of the album'.
  • "she chose to use forward slashes and backward slashes due to their ease at being typed, web politics and because she liked the way the album title looked": I don't follow the "web politics" reason at all. What does this mean?
  • "a tour which will last until the end of the year": this is now in the past and needs to be rephrased.
  • I've eliminated a couple of uses of "stated", as in "She stated that ..."; generally any verb other than "said" gets very visible if used too much, and you still have half-a-dozen uses left in there. (Even "said" is a problem if overused, but it has a lower profile than any of its synonyms.) One more usage you might fix is "Benjamin Boles, writing for Now, stated that, ..."; how about making this "Benjamin Boles wrote in an article for Now that ..." or even just "Benjamin Boles wrote in Now that"?
  • "The paper later printed a correction on the story": I think it's worth giving a little more here; perhaps "on the story, acknowledging that some quotes had been taken out of context".

-- Mike Christie (talk – library) 22:14, 19 March 2011 (UTC)Reply

The above all looks good now, though I may go back and copyedit some more. I hadn't done any spotchecking of sources, so I had a look and found these.

  • This link is used to source the information that Rusko and Blaqstarr moved into her house to work on the album, but I don't see that information mentioned there.
  • You need to rephrase ""more emphasis on production [and] making beats and singing less" a little more; the source has "sang", which won't work the way you have it. You could just put [singing] in square brackets, though that's a little clumsy; or you could find another to phrase it.
  • I noticed that this source talks about the relationship between the title and the phrase "web politics"; was that the source you used for that phrase? I commented about it above and you took it out. Anyway, I don't think "web politics" is very explanatory by itself, but if you wanted to explain it I think this source gives you what you need. Up to you.

Once the two points above are fixed I think I will switch to weak support; weak, because I think the prose is still less than perfect. If I get time I will copyedit again, but I may not; it would be great if you could find someone else to take a pass through. -- Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 00:10, 24 March 2011 (UTC)Reply

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