Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/Mathew Charles Lamb/archive1

Comments from Crisco 1492

Comments from Crisco 1492

• These are some preliminary comments. A main thing to remember is that, per WP:CITE, you should have a direct citation for all quotes.
• I seem to remember {{Infobox person}} requiring that criminal procedures be cited in the infobox as well as the article.
• Information in image captions should already be cited in text. As such, they should not be referenced in the caption box.

Lead

• "...which at the time under Canadian Law called for a mandatory death penalty" -- As there is also a civil legal code, it would be preferable to indicate in-text that this was criminal law

done.— Preceding unsigned comment added by [[User:{{{1}}}|{{{1}}}]] ([[User talk:{{{1}}}|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/{{{1}}}|contribs]])

• "He started his service in the Rhodesian Light Infantry, and despite winning a place in the crack Special Air Service unit in 1975, successfully requested a transfer back to the former regiment a year later." -- Perhaps something like "He started his service in the Rhodesian Light Infantry, and won a place in the crack Special Air Service unit in 1975. However, he successfully requested a transfer back to the former regiment a year later." (I don't see much of a reason for "despite")

done. — Preceding unsigned comment added by [[User:{{{1}}}|{{{1}}}]] ([[User talk:{{{1}}}|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/{{{1}}}|contribs]])

Early life and juvenile offences

• Is his mother's name known?

Notdone. No. I couldn't find it anywhere. I will keep on looking but I think the only way I could find it would be to physically go to the Windsor records or something. —Cliftonian (talk) 15:44, 18 December 2011 (UTC)

• "... frequently calling him a "little bastard"" -- Reference should be cited directly here.

DOne. — Preceding unsigned comment added by [[User:{{{1}}}|{{{1}}}]] ([[User talk:{{{1}}}|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/{{{1}}}|contribs]])

• "Nosanchuk writes..." -- Who's Nosanchuk?

Done. In the previous paragraph he is introduced as "Lamb's legal counsel Saul Nosanchuk in the mid-1960s".

• Hmm... Indeed you have. Sorry about that. Crisco 1492 (talk) 15:49, 18 December 2011 (UTC)

• "appeared to be a normal boy" -- Once again, cited directly as it is a quote.

Done.

• "... Lamb went to St Jude's School ..." -- In Tecumseh or Windsor?

Done. In Windsor.

• "... he and Lamb "always had guns, from the time we were about 12 years old"" -- Perhaps "...he and Lamb "always had guns, from the time [they] were about 12 years old""

Done.

• "... Lamb strolled down a residential street "firing a shotgun at the houses of people he didn't like"." -- Once again, direct quotation should be cited.

Done.

• "...confronted a physically imposing police sergeant..." -- For a subjective judgment like "physically imposing" I'd prefer a citation.

Done.

• Who is Bob Sutton?

Done. a journalist. Given in article

• ... "did quite well, except he didn't like Latin". -- Direct quotation should have a citation.

Done.

Time at Kingston Penitentiary

• "On the evening of 24 December 1964, two weeks before his 17th birthday, Lamb smashed the front window of Lakeview Marine and Equipment,..." -- Is "two weeks before his 17th birthday" really necessary?

Done. Not really.

• " The officer returned several shots, leading Lamb to come forward with his hands raised. "Don't shoot," he said; "I give up."" -- Perhaps "The officer returned several shots, leading Lamb to come forward with his hands raised and say "Don't shoot. I give up." would flow more smoothly. Also, don't forget the reference.

Done.

• "Psychiatric examinations and psychological tests conducted on Lamb at Kingston revealed "an extremely immature 17-year-old who was fascinated with weapons"." --Reference please.

 Done

• ""I think this young man is developing a mental illness of hypomanic nature," he wrote in his report." -- Reference please

Done.

• "Nosanchuk writes that by early March 1966 the prisoner's behaviour "bordered on psychotic"." -- Reference please

Done.

• "During this month he threw food at an officer and was once again found with a broomstick in his rectum, this time dragging it around the floor of his cell, laughing as he did so. When Scott sedated Lamb and questioned him on the latter incident, the boy said he had just been trying to "bug" the guard on duty." -- Why not just go with a paraphrase and say annoy?

Done.

• "... he was not certain about the young man's psychiatric state, describing it as "borderline" or "marginal"" -- Reference please

Done.

• "The 18-year-old boy left Kingston on 8 June 1966, ten months ahead of schedule, and returned home to Windsor, where he was taken in by another uncle, Stanley Hasketh, who lived at 1912 Ford Boulevard." -- Perhaps simplify / split this.

Done.

Incident

• "Six young people—Edith Chaykoski, 20, her 22-year-old brother Kenneth, his wife and three friends, 21-year-old Andrew Woloch, Vincent Franco and Don Mulesa—were heading south from 1635 Ford Boulevard on their way to a bus stop on Tecumseh Road, chatting happily, but their conversation was interrupted at about 22:15 when they approached the tree behind which Lamb was hiding." -- Perhaps "Six young people—Edith Chaykoski, 20, her 22-year-old brother Kenneth, his wife and three friends, 21-year-old Andrew Woloch, Vincent Franco and Don Mulesa—were heading south from 1635 Ford Boulevard on their way to a bus stop on Tecumseh Road when they approached the tree behind which Lamb was hiding at about 22:15." Also, your first use of a time here should probably indicate UTC-4.

Done.

• " Lamb calmly strolled away " -- A stroll is by definition calm. Perhaps cut the "calmly"

Done.

Psychiatric examination of Lamb

• "Yaworsky said that Lamb was "hyperactive and agitated";" -- Reference please?

Done.

• "After dismissing a few more questions as "unimportant", the 18-year-old giggled childishly and said he "needed a lawyer". Lamb's conversation with the doctor continued incoherently, with Lamb "leaping from topic to topic", in Yaworsky's words." -- These too

Done.

• "... he simply said "I don't remember." Yaworsky then inquired where his mother was, leading to boy to laugh as he replied, "I don't remember. Somewhere." -- Reference

Done.

• "... seemingly hypomanic behaviour "remarkable"." -- Reference

 Done

• " "Next thing I knew," he continued, "I was on the street."" -- Reference

 Done

• "... remembered a voice that was not his own saying "Put up your hands"." -- Reference

 Done

• ""somehow" shooting at her." -- Reference

 Done

• Lamb then said he fired at a passing car, and that "everything seemed unreal." He said that the next thing he had memory of was confronting an elderly lady at a house nearby, suddenly thinking "what the hell am I in here for" and leaving. -- Reference

 Done

• After 30 days, on 27 July, the staff at Penetanguishene still deemed him unfit to stand trial, but by 27 August 1966 his state had improved enough for the doctors to allow his return to custody at Windsor, sending with him a report that he could now face the court – they said that the young man was now able to understand "the nature of the proceedings against him and of instructing and communicating with Counsel". -- This should preferably be split / simplified.

 Done

• ""the nature of the proceedings against him and of instructing and communicating with Counsel"." -- Reference?

 Done

- Crisco 1492 (talk) 14:27, 18 December 2011 (UTC)

• I've performed a copyedit. These are my edits; feel free to revert or discuss any that you disagree with. The rest of the article, aside from a lack of referencing for direct quotes, looks okay. A couple issues to address, then you'll have my support. Crisco 1492 (talk) 15:17, 18 December 2011 (UTC)

• Okay, I have had a good run through along these lines... what do you think of it now? —Cliftonian (talk) 15:44, 18 December 2011 (UTC)

• All the way through to the end? Not yet. Also, be careful as the UTC time changes with Daylight Standard Time; if it isn't DST, it will be UTC-5. Crisco 1492 (talk) 15:46, 18 December 2011 (UTC)

• Can you point out any I have missed? I don't see them, I'm sorry... I have changed the time link to be Eastern Time. What do you think? —Cliftonian (talk) 15:52, 18 December 2011 (UTC)

• None, it seems. Crisco 1492 (talk) 16:09, 18 December 2011 (UTC)