Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Assessment/Ton That Dinh
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- Promoted --Eurocopter (talk) 07:56, 17 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Youngest ever ARVN general. A favourtie of Ngo Dinh Diem, Dinh was a flamboyant playboy officer who betrayed Diem and was a pivotal figure in the 1963 South Vietnamese coup. YellowMonkey (click here to vote for world cycling's #1 model!) 05:42, 23 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
- Support - fascinating story, well told (I thought I knew a fair bit about this part of history until I read it)...! A few suggestions, all to do with the intro, and all really just another way of doing things, not major concerns:
- Do we need "general" repeated in the first sentence? Maybe "senior officer" or "commander" would do...
- Also in the first sentence, when someone is still alive I prefer to see the phrasing as something like "...is a former commander..." as opposed to "...was a commander..." - just reiterates they're a living person, over and above the fact there's no death date given.
- "...ahead of more capable officers" may be correct and may be sourced later on but strikes me as a bit too opinionated for the lead - are there any other accurate options, such as "...ahead of officers who were seen as more capable", or "...ahead of more senior officers"? Be interested to know how the source words it... Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 13:51, 3 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
- Fixed these. YellowMonkey (cricket calendar poll!) 04:12, 6 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Comments (little stuff) Support , points addressed.
- "The military trial collapsed and they were convicted of "lax morality" and eventually allowed to resume their military service."
- Would it be more appropriate to say but eventually allowed... instead of and eventually allowed?
- "Dinh had converted to Catholicism in the hope of advancing his career and was promoted above more capable officers."
- Promoted because he converted? If so, could we say "his career and was thus promoted..." If that's not the case, however, then a clarification may be necessary.
- "Dinh was the commander of the II Corps, which covered the central highlands region mainly inhabited by indigenous tribes, and was based in Pleiku."
- I don't know, adding in "and was based in Pleiku" sounds a bit awkward. Any ideas about how to better word it?
- "As a key supporter of Diem, Dinh was entrusted to be commander of the III Corps, as the Ngos trusted him to defend the city against any coup attempts."
- A bit redundant. Using "as" twice doesn't help, either.
- Ky felt that Dinh's aggressive attitude following the Xa Loi raids in 1963 indicated a willingness to crack down on Buddhists.
- Crack down? :/
Nicely written, very few mistakes :) Icy // ♫ 22:16, 13 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
- Fixed these. YellowMonkey (cricket calendar poll!) 04:45, 14 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Support. Looks good to go. One question, though, where did Dinh settle after he left Vietnam? If he is the same Dinh in this article, it appears to be the US. If so, what kind of work did he do after immigrating? Cla68 (talk) 04:20, 17 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
- The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page, such as the current discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.