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Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Assessment/Curtis P. Iaukea

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The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

Article promoted by TomStar81 (talk) via MilHistBot (talk) 05:07, 12 April 2017 (UTC) « Return to A-Class review list[reply]

Curtis P. Iaukea edit

Nominator(s): KAVEBEAR (talk)

Curtis P. Iaukea (edit | talk | history | links | watch | logs)

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I am nominating this article for A-Class review because I have found this subject to be such an interesting figure the more I researched into him. He served as an important court official and military officer during the monarchy, provisional government and republic of Hawaii. I am confident with some suggestions and extra nudges I can get to A-Class quality. KAVEBEAR (talk) 00:54, 9 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

  • Conditionally Support: A very good and thorough article generally free from typographic or grammar errors and with excellent use of WP:RS and free-use images. A few minor issues: (1) per WP:LEADLENGTH articles of this length should be two paragraphs, (2) not all of the images have WP:ALT text, (3) is use of the word "administration" correct terminology for the Hawai'ian royal government (it may be, I don't know, but I've only seen this word used in presidential systems), (4) in the sentence that says "he was appointed Envoy Extraordinary and Minister Plenipotentiary to Great Britain" - the title is more commonly invoked as "ambassador" and the full and formal use may confuse readers, (5) there are some grammar errors as follows:
  • uncle Kaihupaʻa to be raise as in the the Hawaiian
  • broke his foot in process saving him
  • he noted, "Of the more ("of" should not be capitalized here)
  • Each units were subject to call for active service when necessary.
  • he decided continued to work for the two subsequent
DarjeelingTea (talk) 20:00, 10 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]
@DarjeelingTea: Let me know if this addresses all your concerns. I'm retaining the use of the ambassadorial titles because it was important in the 19th century post Congesss of Vienna era since it reflects international rank and status..--KAVEBEAR (talk) 21:43, 10 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]
It does! DarjeelingTea (talk) 23:32, 10 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from The Bounder edit

Interesting article on a subject I knew nothing about previously. I made some very minor adjustments here, which I think are probably straightforward, but some additional comments for you to consider below:

  • You only need one 'also' in "He also held numerous important positions ... also"
  • Maybe a footnote to explain what the aliʻI class is, to save having to go off to a separate article
  • Added a parentheses after first mention.--KAVEBEAR (talk) 22:30, 21 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • I am not sure of the correct grammar in American English, but in British English it would be "he was sent to an Anglican boarding school" (or "he was sent to boarding school").
  • I would give readers a clue who the "notable classmates" were (and drop the "notable" too), along the lines of "included Samuel Nowlein and Robert Hoapili Baker, both of whom were politicians in later life". (Or whatever they turned out to be)
  • Again, a brief footnote to explain what a kāhili is
  • To me that just seems extraneous.--KAVEBEAR (talk) 22:30, 21 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • I had no idea what a "kāhili" was and had to leave the article to find out. There is always a danger that once people click away they won't return. Your call on it, but this isn't a term that people are going to understand or be able to guess at. - The Bounder (talk) 10:36, 22 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "awaiting for an assignment from the king" should either be "awaiting an assignment from the king" or "waiting for an assignment from the king"
  • The "in 1874" in the sentence "This unit was a voluntary military regiment originally headed by King Kalākaua in 1874" is a bit clumsy if "originally" is there. You could re-draft it along the lines "When King Kalākaua formed the unit in 874, he…" etc
  • Is the "and etc" part of the title? If not, get rid of it and say that the posts included, then the list
  • Change. There are too many to mention so I just mentioned the more important positions.--KAVEBEAR (talk) 22:30, 21 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Was his title "Secretary of the Foreign Office" or "Secretary of Foreign Affairs" – I'm a bit confused
  • No it is just that. It was an assistant position to the Minister of Foreign Affairs.--KAVEBEAR (talk) 22:30, 21 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • You should use the correct title once, and lower case for the one that isn't the title. Having two things that look like formal titles is confusing. - The Bounder (talk) 10:36, 22 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Oops. I did not notice the second usage. Thanks. Changed.--KAVEBEAR (talk) 15:43, 22 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • I think you may need to tweak "the court tor the defunct monarchy" – I'm not sure that makes sense as it stands.

I hope these help. All the best, The Bounder (talk) 20:51, 21 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

@The Bounder: Let me know if there is anything else.--KAVEBEAR (talk) 22:30, 21 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Just a couple of points - one needs action, the other is for you to consider. All the best, The Bounder (talk) 10:36, 22 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support – Nice article and, from a prose point of view, I support. I have not searched for additional sources, reviewed the ones used, or checked image licences, etc. All the best, The Bounder (talk) 18:00, 22 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]


Comments

  • after Rev. Lyons' son I believe the MoS would have this as simply "Lyons", not "Rev. Lyons"
  • Likewise Colonel Iaukea was created
  • after his shyness after usually means "named for"; perhaps "in respect of" or similar would work better here?
  • However, these plans were never realized Do you really need the "however"? For reasons I don't fully understand, some people really object to the word "however", but you're not really contradicting anything.
  • According to the military act of 1886 Is that a piece of legislation? In which case shouldn't it be the Military Act?
  • commander and generalissimo.[32][33][34][35][36] Do you really need five references there?
  • Minister of Foreign Affairs William Lowthian Green and later his successor Walter Murray Gibson suggest "Green's successor" just for clarity.

No showstoppers. Excellent work. HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 23:36, 1 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]

@HJ Mitchell: Addressed everything. Check diff..--KAVEBEAR (talk) 02:47, 2 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]
I'm happy with that. It's my pleasure to support. HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 11:10, 2 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Image review edit

File:Charlotte K. Hanks PP-73-3-022 .jpg

From Wikimedia Commons, the free media repository

No file by this name exists, but you can upload it. File usage on Commons

There are no pages that link to this file.

Plus something about NoScript filtering a potential cross-site scripting (XSS) attempt, which may be the problem. But why them and not File:Dole, Soper and others (PP-28-7-010).jpg, which is accessible on Commons? Can everyone else access these troublesome images?
Have you tried changing servers or computers? I don't understand this problem either.--KAVEBEAR (talk) 03:52, 12 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from TomStar81 edit

  • A link check shows that four of your websites may have issues, please check and advise.
    • I don't know what is wrong with those links. Two of them; the Ulukau links are fine and have routinely come up in two or previous GA nominations; the reviewer in those two cases seem to agree that it is a problem with the tool not the links. You can manually click on them in the article and they work perfectly fine. Fix the Iolani.org deadlink. I have no idea what to do with the BYU link. Seems the site is undergoing maintenance. I decided to remove it since it isn't necessary and exist as an offline source as well .--KAVEBEAR (talk) 03:19, 12 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Your images are half alt text and half no alt text, is there a reason for that or is it just coincidence? TomStar81 (Talk) 02:15, 12 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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