Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Assessment/Benedict Arnold's expedition to Quebec
- The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
- Promoted -MBK004 05:56, 2 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
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I thought this expedition was a fascinating piece of logistics that succeeded in spite of some fairly significant problems (not the least of which was a total underestimation of the distances and terrain involved). It's remarkably well documented; several men kept journals that survived the ordeal. I hope it meets with your approval. Magic♪piano 13:37, 3 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Comments:generally very good in my opinion. I have the following comments:- there are no dab links, ext links all work (no action required);
- the images appear to be appropriately licenced (no action required);
- most of the images have alt text, although two don't: would it be possible to add this in for consistency (note that alt text is not an A class requirement, so this is just a suggestion);
some of the ISBNS have hyphens but others don't (e.g. Martin has it, but Smith doesn't). These should be consistent;I think the first sentence of the lead should be tweaked as it seems a bit awkward, particularly this clause: "an expedition through the wilderness of what is now Maine that was part of a two-pronged invasion..."in the Recruitment and preparations section, I suggest wikilinking "battalion" upon first mention in case readers don't know what sized unit that i and want more information;in the Recruitment and preparations section, I think you have overlinked the term "Canadiens". It is also linked in the Background section and lead (which is fine), but it shouldn't be linked a third time in my opinion;in the Scouting section I think "ten miles (16 km)" should be "10 miles (16 km)" per the MOS preference to use numerals for numbers greater than nine. As you have this ("45 miles (72 km)") in the same section, it is a consistency issue;in The Great Carrying Place section, same as above for this: "twelve miles (19 km)";in the Disaster on the Dead River section you have this clause: "...Colonel Greene or Colonel Enos, the leaders of the two rear divisions..." Can you please check the use of the word "division" here? I though that Greene and Enos were battalion commanders (per the sentence in the Recruitment section);in the Disaster on the Dead River section, this sentence group seems a little repetitive: "possible to civilization on the Chaudière, and work to bring supplies back. The sick and infirm were to retreat to civilization in Maine" (the issue being repetition of the word "civilization". Could you not just say "retreat to Maine"?);in the Arrival at Quebec section, the first sentence appears to have a tense issue: "Arnold began made contact with the local population...";in the Legacy section, can you please clarify why you have include the "[sic]" where you have. My understanding is that it is used in quotations where "writing quoted material to indicate that an incorrect or unusual spelling, phrase, punctuation or meaning in the quote has been reproduced verbatim from the original and is not a transcription error (i.e. it appeared thus in the original)" (quoted from the article on "sic"). But the sentence in which you use it is not in quotations, so wouldn't it just be best to correct the unusual spelling, or to include the quotation marks.AustralianRupert (talk) 13:52, 10 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]
- Thanks for your detailed feedback; I've made changes to address most of them. A few specific responses:
- I don't think the two maps missing alt text need it -- their content is IMHO described adequately either in the caption or in the article text (in a way that is consistent with my understanding of WP:ALT). If you disagree, feel free to suggest (or add) alt text that would illuminate the situation...
- re "retreating to civilization in Maine": the expedition is still technically in Maine, so "retreat to Maine" doesn't really work. I've rephrased this; feel free to comment again.
- the "[sic]" is there to forestall "helpful" typo-editors that like to fix things that aren't broken, like "Great Carrying Place Town Township".
- -- Magic♪piano 18:10, 11 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]
- Okay, that should all be fine. AustralianRupert (talk) 22:23, 11 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]
- Support: all my concerns have been addressed. AustralianRupert (talk) 22:23, 11 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]
- Support - I could find no major problems. Excellent work! Parsecboy (talk) 17:25, 23 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]
- Support - very nicely done overall, few minor points:
- Is the word "bateau" a typo, or is it the singular form of "bateaux" (first para of 'Early signs of trouble' section)?; and
- This article has a lot of maps, I wonder if it would be possible to cull a few (and to reduce the large amount of whitespace)? Anotherclown (talk) 11:26, 1 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
- Thanks for your support; "bateau" is indeed the singular. The last map (File:American attack on Quebec.svg) is only there to show Montgomery's route. I think the visuals of all of the other maps are somewhat necessary; I'm open to suggestions on how to lay out the two compared maps. (I agree the current method includes some white space, but I'm at a loss for a better method of presenting those maps such that the differences between them are readily apparent. I think that they need to be reasonably large, which unfortunately precludes having text to either side.) Magic♪piano 16:42, 1 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
- The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page, such as the current discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.