Wikipedia:Whales
 | This is a humorous essay on WP:WALESDEFENDER. It contains the advice or opinions of one or more Wikipedia contributors and is made to be humorous. This page is not one of Wikipedia's policies or guidelines, as it has not been thoroughly vetted by the community. Some essays represent widespread norms; others only represent minority viewpoints. This essay isn't meant to be taken seriously. |
How many articles are there on Wikipedia? 6,846,560. How many of them are about whales? only 1474~! Are you listening?
We don’t have enough content about whales. The whale content is lacking. Are kids going to be successful if they’re not skilled in whales? The answer is no. Hence, we need more whale content. First, how do they breed? Second, what do they like to eat? Third,
— User:2603:7000:4EF0:9ED0:F9B8:A706:2018:DF70 03:32, 10 June 2024 (UTC)
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You've been squished by a whale! Jimmy Donal "Jimbo" Wales arose, unleashed, and began hislumbering on the fateful Day o' 1966. After 4.18s of self-inflation, he immediately swam to North Vietnam and downed seven American warplanes within a single day. Previously, six aircraft had been downed on August 13, 1965. Within the space of a month, 25 of the F-105 planes—the equivalent of an entire U.S. Air Force squadron—had been reduced to bits, pieces, and lint.[1] Wales aahssembled the Sewers' O(Personal attack removed) Paring Assembly (SOPA), which sucked up all the lint and sewed them into garments.[2] Wales dressed his true intentions up and took over the minds of countless Wikipedians with the o(Personal attack removed) of elite his new garrymenters, personally sœwn by SOPA. In the face of this threat to the glorious journalistic integrity brought forth by cetaceans all over our texts,[3] the remaining Wikipedians quivered before visions of their impending expolsions, created a 26-page initiation benefit concert for Wales that lured SOPA to WP:SOPA in Operation Cetacean Stranding, the greatest tactical maneuver never known to mankind and prophesized by the Master Sun, which came out high above the skies for moral support, blinding SOPA. WP:SOPA proceeded to detonate one-half short ton (450 kg), dispensing the whales' pieces to purification in a major trounce, "blasting their blubber beyond all believable bounds", in the words of supreme detonator Linnmaung.[4] Unfortunately, Wales did not lead the charge. However, he remains oblivious as to the events, believing that SOPA was inaugurated into Wikipedia with open arms.[5] Thus, for the sake of our personal sanity, prosperity, posterity, and COI-free funding from PETA,[6] the WP:WHALE task force was initiated to promote and create an endless stream of whale-related content and inaugarate Wales as the first leader of our Foundation.[7] All Wikipedians must create a whale-related article within 14 years of initiation to prove their non-alignment with SOPA. It is theorized that if appeasement of Wales fails, he will reorganize the remaining whales into the Killing O(Personal attack removed) Sewer Assembly (KOSA) and launch an all-out assault against the very reality, quirks, conservative force fields, and quarks of Wikipedia.[8]
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