Wikipedia

Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Red Dress (song)/archive1

< Wikipedia:Featured article candidates
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by GrahamColm 08:44, 14 October 2012 [1].

Red Dress (song)

edit

Red Dress (song) (edit | talk | history | protect | delete | links | watch | logs | views)

Toolbox
Nominator(s): Till 05:17, 22 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I am nominating this for featured article because I fancy the song, it was critically acclaimed and is one of the group's most well-known songs. The article is well-written and supported by high-quality sources, and appears to meet WP:FAC. Till 05:17, 22 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Media review

  • File:RedDressCD1Cover.jpg needs source and copyright information
  • File:RedDressSample.ogg: how long is the original (source) recording?

Source review

Comment: I have given this a bit of a peer review, as PR is not working too well at present. There is work to be done on the prose:

Lead
  • "It contains a sample of "Landslide", recorded by Tony Clarke." I'm not sure what this means; was a section of a different song incorporated into "Red Dress"? Is "sample" pop jargon for "short extract"? In any event it should be "from", not "of". And you should clarify that "Landslide" refers to a song.
    • Changed "of" to "from", and also changed to "a recording by Tony Clarke". I'm not comfortable calling it a song because there isn't a source that states this. Till
  • You have "top-five" and "top-ten" (with hyphens), but "top twenty" (without hyphen). My advice is ditch the hyphens
  • Last line: "amongst" → "among"
Development
  • I can't see any "development" information in the section, which is all about the song's production. Normally in song articles there is information about how/why the song came to be written, why the particular theme was chosen, etc. That sort of stuff seems missing here.
    • I have changed the title of the section, but honestly finding information for a British song from 2005 is such a pain. I'll go through Highbeam to see if there are any undiscovered archived articles. Till
Release
  • Can you clarify if my understanding of the first paragraph is correct? Mutya Buena left the Sugababes after the group had recorded the Taller in More Ways album. A new version of the album (not a "re-release" of the old) was then recorded, with Amelle Berrabah as a vocalist in three songs, including "Red Dress". If this is the case, the prose needs to be clearer; it is somewhat confused at the moment.
  • Can you further explain " which replaced the group's 2005 single "Push the Button" from the UK chart summit"? I am completely baffled at the moment, particularly as the following quotation talks of being "knocked off number one".
  • This is an article about a British group and should use British, not American, spelling. I see "favorable"; there may be others.
  • B-side or b-side?
  • Jimmy Draper's comment is more reception than release information. Likewise: "Red Dress was featured on the soundtrack for the 2006 film, It's a Boy Girl Thing." This is not really release information; perhaps tag it on to the video section.
    • The song being featured on a soundtrack is sort of release information. It would be awkward to see it in the music video section. Till
Critical reception
  • I suggest that you write some kind of introductory summary to the section, rather than going straight to the reviewers' comments. Try to avoid the cliché "mixed reviews" - although in this case it seems that nearly all comments were positive. Was Mueller te only unimpressed critic?
Chart performance
  • "sales of 18,210" - is that "sales for the week of 18,120?
    • 18,210 copies sold in the first week. Till
  • "highest debut"; do you mean "highest-ranked debut"?
  • "Taller in More Ways become the first album by the Sugababes to spawn three top five hits in the UK, following "Push the Button" and "Ugly" which peaked at numbers one and three, respectively." Needs rephrasing; it was "Red Dress" that followed the two songs you mention into the top five.
  • "It spent ten weeks on the chart..." You need to define "it"
  • That intrusive hyphen again - "top-ten", "top-twenty", "top-forty"
  • It may be better to use numerics for double-figure numbers, e.g. "41" in place of "number forty-one", 61, 22 etc. You woul need to check for consistency through the article
Music video
  • First paragraph needs some reordering. The quote from the website, which anticipates the video being made, should come before the sentences dealing with the making and issue of the video, and Royes's subsequent death.
    • Changed around. Till
  • "Former" (in this sense) means first of two, not three. Suggest: "the first of whom is wearing a black mask".
Live performances
  • "according to Craig Hope of Chronicle Live, "came amid a sea of manic applause" - requires the word "it" before the quote
  • Say what "indig02" is. In the link article the "i" is lower case
  • "Whilst" is rarely used now, and is generally deprecated in prose. Use "while". And begin the "My favourite outfit..." quotation with quote marks.
  • "It was performed at the 2008 Oxygen Festival..." Again you need to clarify "it" - the previous sentence is not about the song.

I've not looked at other aspects, but that's enough to be getting on with. Brianboulton (talk) 19:14, 6 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Thankyou for commenting. Till 03:04, 7 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose. The prose generally seems rather wooden to me, and after almost three weeks at FAC I shouldn't be seeing this kind of thing in the lead: "'Red Dress' is considered one of the group's signature songs and among their most-well known singles". And I frankly find sentences such as "The keyboards were provided by Powell, Higgins, Tim 'Rolf' Larcombe and Jon Shave, of which the former two also completed the programming" to be incomprehensible at best. Malleus Fatuorum 02:59, 10 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Wikipedia:Featured_article_candidates/Red_Dress_(song)/archive1&oldid=1141922693"