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Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Princess Victoria of Hesse and by Rhine

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted 02:59, 11 September 2007.

Princess Victoria of Hesse and by Rhine edit

Support Self-nominated I hope you like this little piece. I admit that she's a minor figure but one, I think, of interest. DrKiernan 13:00, 3 September 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Added another paragraph. DrKiernan 13:00, 4 September 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • Is it possible to indicate more clearly that her birth name was Victoria Alberta Elisabeth Mathilde Marie? Perhaps use nee? At the moment with the numerous names in the lead it is slightly confusing.
  • It was the first indication that the disease was hereditary.[5] Is that the first indication that the disease of haemophilia was hereditary, or that the bleeding disorder in the royal family was hereditary? Need to make clearer.
  • In 1878, Victoria contracted diphtheria, Ella was swiftly moved out of her room—she was the only member of the family to escape the disease. I'm not entirely sure, but that sentence may need an "and" somewhere.

Recurring dreams 12:38, 4 September 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks! I've made some clarifications. DrKiernan 13:00, 4 September 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Then I support. Recurring dreams 11:32, 6 September 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Support -- an excellent treatent of a minor, but notable royal. Good citations and a good flow to the text. Coemgenus 21:01, 7 September 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks. DrKiernan 07:42, 10 September 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Support. Karanacs 14:41, 10 September 2007 (UTC) Comment. I saw a few things that should probably be fixed. See below. Karanacs 02:55, 8 September 2007 (UTC) [reply]

  • what is "a serving officer"?
  • There are numerous instances where a comma is being used by itself to join two sentences together. These commas should either be converted to semicolons or periods or there needs to be a transition.
  • "Remarkable" seems a little POV when discussing her father's marriage
  • Should "war-years" have a hyphen? I don't think so, but I'm not sure if that is a Britishism.
  • Be consistent in your dashes; either offset them with spaces or don't; don't mix them.
  • "Incredibly," seems a little POV, or at least unencyclopedic, to me (in discussion of death of her sisters)
  • I believe there is an overuse of emdashes. Can some of these please be converted to either transitionary prose or multiple sentences?
  • In Legacy section, the last sentence of the first paragraph is a fragment.

Thanks, Karanacs 02:55, 8 September 2007 (UTC) [reply]

Amended all the above, except "remarkably". The marriage of a reigning monarch to a divorced commoner was very extraordinary at the time. DrKiernan 07:42, 10 September 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Good work. I've changed my vote above. Karanacs 14:41, 10 September 2007 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.
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